


Contractually Obligated

by DangerousDaydreams



Series: Contractually Obligated [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Child Abuse, Death Eater Severus Snape, Death Eaters, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friendship, Herbology, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, Inheritance, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Weddings, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:02:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 60,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29522658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerousDaydreams/pseuds/DangerousDaydreams
Summary: You've been placed in an arranged marriage and now you're caught up in more death eater stuff than you'd started out with. How can you marry someone who you hate and who's already in love with someone who isn't you. Set starting in 1974.
Relationships: Abraxas Malfoy/Eileen Prince, Abraxas Malfoy/Reader, Lucius Malfoy/Reader, Lucius Malfoy/Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy/You, Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/You, Severus Snape/Lily Evans, Severus Snape/Reader, Severus Snape/You
Series: Contractually Obligated [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2198688
Comments: 27
Kudos: 63





	1. Quill to paper.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing this mostly for me so y'all are gonna get what ya gonna get, I will edit if there's any major issues.

Getting your supplies for your 4th year at Hogwarts was more stressful than your first time in Diagon Alley. You’d gone to Gringotts with Abraxas early in the morning to pull out money for today’s shopping though his watchful eye kept you in line, it always did. After confirming how much time you’d take to get your stuff he gave you instructions to meet him at the Leaky Cauldron to go home. So off you went from shop to shop gathering your items into the new knapsack you’d been allowed to get while enjoying the sights of others shopping. Some of your classmates' mothers approached you and asked how you were doing, you knew they were really asking how Abraxas treated you, but you feigned happiness. You didn’t want them asking their children to keep an eye on you, you just needed to make it out of Hogwarts under the radar to be free. Getting another pair of shoes with the last of your money, you headed to the Leaky Cauldron to go home. Looking at your watch before entering the building you saw you had 20 minutes to spare though you didn’t think that'd be an issue. 

Apparently it was.

It was because when Abraxas saw you walking towards the table you were at, his face became red with anger. Though he seemed to force himself to calm down which was odd but you took it. 

“We have one last thing to do here” His voice was full of anger and also anticipation? You weren’t sure since a lot of your interactions with Abraxas were for something you weren’t sure if it was something positive or not. He grabbed your wrist and took you up some side stairs to a closed door which he had to unlock before entering a small living room. Abraxas having dragged you along blocked your view of most of the room but when he stopped and placed you in front of him you saw two people. Severus Snape and a tall scrawny woman who you assumed was his mother. You looked up at Abraxas for more information before darting your head back down to avoid being smacked.

“Mister Malfoy I’m glad that we could meet to finalize our arrangement today.” The woman spoke and the thoughts raced through your mind. You looked at Severus who was placed squarely before his mother and looked just as confused.

“Of course Eileen.” His words stung but you couldn’t understand what for. “Severus” he looked at the boy and then down to you but didn’t say your name. “Severus’s mother and I have come to an agreement, you two will be married when both of you are 18 years old.” He looked down at you, placing both hands on your shoulders “Once you two marry you will have unlimited access to what you inherited, Eileen will have her family honor back and Severus will be allowed to become a full death eater.” You froze “Don’t worry as your legal guardian appointed by the ministry I received permission to put the marriage requirement on your inheritance.” You didn’t say anything, you couldn’t say anything, you just froze and nodded. You looked at Severus who looked appalled but also seemed frozen in time.

Eileen and Abraxas left their positions and went to the desk in the far corner of the room to sign the contract, you left like you were going to faint. The one thing keeping you going all these years is knowing you’d be free when you turned 18. You could take what you'd left and run far away from Abraxas, though the other Malfoys weren’t as bad as you knew they were under his influence. Severus looked down at the ground, he seemed hurt by the arrangement too and you had an idea of why. You’d never really paid attention to who was doing what with whoever but his friendship with that Gryffindor girl was all the rage sometimes. Your roommates never made any notes about Severus but you knew the people he hung around and you hated that. 

Once they had finished the contract, Abraxas rolled it up and tucked it into his coat pocket before turning back to you. “Do you have all your things?” You nodded and he reached out his left arm. “Thank you for the business Eileen.” You took his arm and apparated back to Malfoy Manor. 

The first day of school was awkward, on the train Abraxas had tried to make you sit with Severus but you got out of it when the compartment was full. You had no intentions of speaking to him or acknowledging the contact, it was years away and you weren’t ready to address it. Unluckily for you, you two were in the same year which meant a whole lot of classes together though you knew he’d only sit with his girl friend. You tried to keep on track to maybe become a herbology professor someday so you stuck to what you’d always been doing. 

Unfortunately you had gotten stuck with him as a partner in potions. You’d tried to be friends with him but after seeing him speak to Avery you just couldn’t. Your interactions with him were short and cordial, you didn’t blame him for the contract but told him to tell no one of it. You knew his Gryffindor friend, who’s name turned out to be Lily knew about it though. 

When exams started approaching you started doing longer more complicated potions which required you to speak to him. So you attempted to be the bigger person and turned to him as he was writing in his book. “Do you think you’ll start an apothecary one day?”

Severus didn’t look up from his book “What does that have to do with the assignment?”

“Nothing!” You wanted to get angry but you knew that’d be counter-productive to your mission. “I just wanted to know what you were planning to do since-” that's when Severus looked up at you “you’re so good at potions.” His face seemed to soften before sneering at you and turning away. 

You couldn’t wait for winter break to come, you didn’t need any more reminders of what you’d have to become in a few years. You were able to avoid Severus and the band of Gryffindor's who were bullying him, catching a ride in the compartment of some younger Slytherins who you’d tutor occasionally. It was when the train had arrived in London that things would get worse. Stepping off the train you’d looked around for which Malfoy who was tasked to take you back to the manor when you realized it was Lucius. Lucius was often kind to you, understanding the entirety of your situation better than anyone else though this also meant Abraxas was busy with god knows what. You flinched at the thought of what would happen when he got home, he was never happy on days that you came back from Hogwarts. When you got to Lucius with your one trunk, he greeted you warmly, placing a soft hand on your shoulder to guide you away before looking up past your head sharply. It was Eileen and Severus who were staring at you, just staring. You looked to Lucius and softly begged him to hurry up and let you leave the train station. He did after a minute, he knew of the contract but didn’t approve of it though he knew he’d have to ensure the contact was completed.

Arriving at the manor you hauled your trunk to the guest cottage where you’d been allowed to stay by yourself since the winter of your second year. You were out of the way of the core family while staying well within his grasp. After unpacking your trunk carefully you went to the bookcase and pulled out some older books you haven't read yet. It was just a waiting game now but at least you were alone. 

Lucius visited you once a day for a week before he left the Manor, for what you weren’t exactly sure but you had a few guesses. Abraxas came to the guest cottage once the same day you got home to ask about exams but left you alone until the last 3 days of break. The first of the days Abraxas came to the cottage in the manner he always had, no knocking he just walked in to see you on the window bench reading. You sat up straight when he entered, he poked around at your things as they were spread on the table and bed, before turning to you.

“Take off your shirt.” 

Which you did before sliding to the floor on your knees facing the window. With a belt in hand, he taunted you before beating you, and eventually you collapsed from the position you were in before kicking you in the stomach and taking his heel to your eye. This made you cry out in pain which normally meant more punishment but he just left. The next day and the day he came back at the same time, carefully examining your bruises and welts before beating you in a similar fashion. You’d use healing charms to fix most of the facial damage but the rest were bruises that had to heal on their own. The beatings in general you were used to but the fact he did it so close to when non family members would see you was shocking. After the last beating you packed your things into your trunk for the train ride the next day and used a spell you’d found in one of the books you’d read to mask your bruised and swollen face. When Abraxas took you to the train station the next day you’d made sure to cover up as much as you could with clothes and charms. You found yourself alone in a compartment, thankfully, changing into your Hogwarts uniform you relaxed as your skin was fully covered. You fell asleep to the rocking of the train cabin and only awoke when someone knocked on the compartment door, when they opened it you noticed it was Lily that Gryffindor Severus was friends with.

“Hey we’re here, I’d get off soon so you don’t miss the carriage.”

You smiled earnestly “Thanks for making sure I didn’t get sent back to London.” Getting up from your spot you slung your knapsack on before following her off the train. You didn’t see Severus, he must have gone on ahead, so you shared a carriage with Lily and the other stragglers though you didn’t exchange any more words. 

You couldn't fall asleep that night so you went down to the common room to sit next to the fire hoping maybe that’d lull you to sleep. You were wearing long sleep pants and a sweatshirt so that plus the time made you unwary of anyone seeing you. Making your way to the common room you kept your footsteps quiet, you didn’t want anyone angry with you here already. You grabbed a thick blanket before settling down by the fire that was flickering only a little at that point. You watched it carefully, daydreaming of your perfect life teaching Herbology maybe at Beauxbatons or even here if Dumbledore wanted you back when you heard a book being thrown onto a table behind you. What you hadn’t noticed in the dark was the masking spell that kept your face from showing the black eye as well as the other bruises plus the attempt you’d made to heal your split lip, had worn off. So when you turn to look at who’d made the sound you’d make eye contact with Severus who saw your face in the firelight. 

Severus’s face went from angry to sympathetic in a matter of seconds and that's when you knew he’d seen it. Scrambling up from the floor you went to leave but he cornered you. “You didn’t see anything” you grumbled at him as he still seemed at a loss for words.

“You can go to Madam Pomfrey to get it fixed”

“No I can’t- you know I can’t Severus”

“Who? Why?

“Why do you want to know? So you can join in?” You hissed at him, keeping your voice soft enough so you couldn’t be overheard by anyone purposefully.

“No I-”

You went to leave but he grabbed your wrist and forced your sleeve up to your elbow, revealing more bruises though those weren’t the worst on you. “Severus be glad you still have your parents, this isn’t even the worst of it.” You yanked your wrist away and pulled the sleep back down before slipping past him and heading to the stairs. 

He called after you “Wait-”, but you’d already turned the corner by the time he’d made it to the stairs. You really hoped he wasn’t going to tell anyone.


	2. Trusting someone new.

In the weeks that followed that night you noticed Severus was significantly nicer to you though you weren’t sure if that meant much either. In potions he showed you some of his notes which previously would’ve never happened and he smiled at you, though you thought it was a smile. But time heals all wounds and you didn’t notice any visible scars by the time February came around. Professor Sprout had you doing side projects for her and you now were tutoring one of your classmates, Remus Lupin. You didn’t see him often in class so him asking you to tutor him probably was a last ditch attempt to keep from failing the whole class. So you started meeting him either in the library or in the greenhouse three times a week, though he did cancel on you for a couple of times in a row about once a month. You didn’t mind since you were working on homework during that time anyways. After potions you headed to the library to catch up on some charms homework, on the way there Remus caught up with you from behind.

“Where ya headed F/N?” His right arm wrapped around your shoulders, you were used to this but still it was a little weird.

“I’m going to the library but I thought you canceled on me today, do you still need help?” You turned your head slightly to look at him, raising your eyebrows slightly with the question.

“Well yes I actually need help with a potions essay but I’ve got something to do before that..”

You’d made it to the entrance of the library so you got out of his grasp and turned to face him. “What would that be? Quidditch or bullying first years with your friends.”

“No it’s actually about you” He leaned in closer “I want you to go with me to Hogsmeade tomorrow.”

You smiled politely and hesitated before speaking “I wish I could but my parents haven’t signed any of my permission slips.” This was in fact a small lie, your parents really hadn’t sign any permission slips on the account that they were dead. Plus you had never asked Abraxas, you weren’t sure how he’d react.

“Hmmm well we could figure out something here, plus we could get James to bring us sweets.” You smiled at the idea though you were still a bit shaken by the sudden display of affection. He placed his hand on your shoulder and got a little bit closer, too much for your comfort levels. 

“Is this a prank Remus? Did the boys put you up to this?” You backed up a bit.

“No it’s to repay you for all the hard work you’ve done tutoring me these past couple months.” You saw James and Sirius coming down the hall behind him so you stepped back again. You really wanted to avoid being harassed or bullied by the two of them today. You nodded in agreement to his plan and he dipped his face so close to yours you thought he was going to kiss you. You blushed heavily though it wasn’t on purpose and you definitely didn’t mean it that way. “See ya tomorrow at the greenhouse sweetheart.” 

You smiled and went into the library before James and Sirius made it to you two and definitely before Remus would get the chance to kiss you. On your way to your normal spot you noticed Lily and Severus who had clearly seen what just happened watching you walk to the back. You weren’t super convinced that this date was really because Remus had feelings for you, all you did was tutor him in Herbology for Merlin's sake. Though spending time with someone, anyone was better than being miserable alone.

Severus was quite furious watching Remus and you flirt in front of him. You were a Slytherins for Merlin's sake and didn’t you know those boys bullied him. He thought you were better than the others, you’d been kind to him and now he regretted showing you any kindness back. He’d felt pity for you when he’d saw your bruises but all of that was gone now.

The date went as well as expected. You’d talked in the greenhouse for a while about your favorite things getting to know each other better before heading to the courtyard. He attempted to hold your hand but you’d brought your favorite book so you held it with both hands avoiding the gesture. When you sat down in the grass he’d put his hand on your leg, gently rubbing with his thumb as you talked about your love of music. He’d attempted to kiss you but you’d politely rejected telling him you weren’t down for that yet. Remus was understanding and didn’t seem to have hurt feelings about it. You really didn’t like getting attached to people so you tried to avoid it unless it was someone important or special. Life was just easier that way. 

A couple weeks later you and Remus were in the library catching up on way too many chapters, he had his hand on your leg gently touching it with his whole hand. He liked to do that, touch you or have a hand on you at all times, though you still weren’t holding his hand or kissing you allowed him to do that. With both of you hunched over the book in front of you, you didn’t notice someone behind you staring until Remus’s head moved to look. It was Severus who seemed surprised and upset at the development, but the question was why did he care he had Lily. Remus hissed at him “What are you staring at Sn-“ you placed a hand in his arm as he started to say Snivellus. While you didn’t like Severus you didn’t want him to be bullied either. You turned your head to look at Severus straight on but he’d already left, you shrugged and went back to the book.

Severus had left the library and straight to the owlery where he sent a note informing Abraxas of your new relationship to Remus Lupin. The next day Abraxas showed up at Hogwarts just before dinner and pulled you into an empty classroom.

“What do you think you're doing?” His hand gripped your arm tighter.

“I don’t know what you mean-“ 

“You're dating Remus Lupin when you’re engaged to Severus.”

“I didn’t know that wasn’t allowed. I'm sorry Abraxas I’ll cut it off-“ You’d been cut off with a slap to the face before being pushed to the ground. You tried to choke out a rebuttal about Severus and Lily but couldn’t. He pushed your school shirt with his foot before taking off his belt. You turned exposing only your back before he started hitting you. 

You’d skip dinner that night and gone straight to your dorm, hoping your charms would heal some of the wounds before they soak your clothes in blood. You didn’t understand why Abraxas had come to the school and beat you here, he didn’t want others to know of the abuse so why do it in a place that he could’ve been seen. You also didn’t know how he had known, did he have spies in the school telling him? You slept on your stomach that night.

You avoided Remus for a few days after, mostly by not leaving Slytherin dorms unless for class. Remus finally cornered you one day after potions. He seemed really sad and got straight to the point.

“Are you avoiding me F/N?”

“No Remus I just haven’t been feeling great the past couple of days, I’m just really tired.”

“We could see if Madam Pomfrey-“

“No I’m fine, I don’t want to bother her”

“What’s really wrong, love?” His eyebrows were furred and he reached his arm around your back to pull you closer to him but you slightly yelped in pain. His face went from slightly concerned to really concerned, pulling his arm away from your body but kept it around you still. 

“It’s fine, please Remus.” You were itching to leave and were prepared to tell him anything to let you go.

The wheels in his head must’ve turned because now he seemed angry “Who hurt you? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No one I just-“

“What did they do to you?”

“Remus please-“

“No I need to know so I sic Sirius on them”

“You can’t do that” You were on the verge of tears, you really didn’t want to tell him anything and you knew you should’ve broken it off by now but you couldn’t.

You checked the hallway for anyone watching the two of you and you grabbed his arm and pulled him into an empty classroom. You took off your outer robes and hesitated to untuck your shirt but did it anyway. You prompted him “Check my back” so he did, you put your hands against a desk to steady yourself and he lifted up your shirt slowly like he didn’t know if something was going to jump out at him. “This is why I can be with you” his hand gently touched some of the major bruises that were still purple.

“Who did this to you?”

“It doesn’t matter”

“We have to report it to Dumbledore-“

“Absolutely not, they’ll do it again.”

“We have-“

“No we don’t have to do anything, this is because of us Remus, we can’t be together.”

You stood back up and faced him, as his face fell a thousand feet per minute looking at you. You really didn’t want to have to do that but you knew as the most sympathetic of his group that maybe he’d understand. You wanted to threaten him to keep his mouth closed but you knew you wouldn’t have to do that. In those moments Remus considered telling you his secret but decided not to incase you refused to see him again so after quickly weighing his options he kissed you. It was soft and he reached up to cup your cheek, he moved to press his body into you. It was your first kiss and you were happy it was with him, just not the circumstances. 

He pulled back slowly “How can we make this work?”

“I don’t know, even if we did I wouldn’t be able to talk to you this summer I’m not allowed.”

His face was slightly confused because why would your parents bar you from dating or sending letters to friends, “That’s fine I can handle that, I’ve got James, Peter, and Sirius to get into trouble with” He smiled at the thought.

“We can’t be seen together at least doing anything other than class work.” You hoped putting these limitations up would maybe make him doublethink what he was committing to. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him but the thought of Abraxas coming back and doing something worse was terrifying.

He paused but nodded “I’ll take more alone time with you.”

You shoved his shoulder lightly “I would rather not take another beating, ever, so please for my sake don’t mess this up.” 

Remus leaned in and kissed you again before standing up straight “I promise I won’t love”, his smile seemed reassured and more confident than you were at the proposed situation. He left the classroom and you tucked your shirt back into your skirt before putting your outer robes back on, you waited a few minutes before leaving the room.

You were able to finish out the week without any incidents, you’d met Remus at the library once to catch him up on more Herbology work but other than that you’d gone back to your typical habits. The one thing that had changed over the whole situation was how your potions partner was treating you. Since that day in the library he had been borderline vicious to you, refusing to speak to you, not helping at all during class until it was beneficial for him. You were terribly glad the end of the term was coming up soon, you really didn’t want to be anywhere near Severus for the next 3 years. 

You had started taking care of a few more intensive plants for Professor Sprout so you would head to the greenhouse after dinner to do those chores. After finishing up at the greenhouse you would take the longer path back to the Slytherin dorms, though a few times you’d cut it close to curfew you knew Professor Sprout would cover for you if caught. It was the Tuesday after you’d told Remus about everything, well not everything but as much as you could, and you’d started heading back from the greenhouse when you were ambushed. It was James and Sirius ran up to you from where, you weren’t sure but you didn’t question it you really didn’t care but they skirted to a stop in front of you each with a hand on one of your arms.

“Well, look at what we have here!” James started off.

“Remus’s little snake girlfriend!” Sirius quipped. They both laughed way too hard at that.

“I’m not his-“

“We know about your little situation so that’s why we’re here.” James smiled proudly like he had all the solutions to your current problem. You raised your eyebrows expectantly.

“We’re going to sneak you into the Gryffindor common room tonight so you don’t have to worry about being caught-“

Sirius cut him off “By those filthy death eaters” his face seemed more emotional than really seemed necessary but you shrugged it off.

“How are you two boys going to slip a Slytherin into the common room?”

“Well we have this” James proudly held up a large blanket “It’s an invisibility cloak it’s how we’ve been getting around the castle at night.”

“So how are you going to get all of us covered by that and in the room”

“Leave that up to me!” Sirius grabbed you and the cloak, throwing it over the three of you as James grabbed your arm pulling you along. Thankfully you hadn’t been too far from the room since you two were headed up the stairs and facing the fat lady pretty quickly. James popped out of the cloak and unlocked the door before you and Sirius slipped in front of him. You were laughing by the time you’d made it to the couch, you were surprised by the lack of people in the common room but when the cloak was ripped off of you, you were surprised by the lack of Remus.

You looked back to both of the boys “Where’s Remus?”, their faces turned into sheepish grins, “Did you not tell him you were planning on kidnapping me?”

“Well yes and no”

“How is there a yes and no answer to those questions?”

James looked over a Sirius and you took a moment to re-evaluate what was happening. You had just allowed yourself to be kidnapped by James Potter and Sirius Black, prolific bullies of Severus Snape, and now you were in the Gryffindor common room after curfew to see the guy you’d snogged once. Yeah it didn’t sound so great when you played it back in your head but you were already committed thus far so you decided to just go with what was going to happen next.

“It’s supposed to be a surprise.” James responded slowly and lowly.

“For who? The both of us?” You almost laughed out, you hoped you weren’t being too loud but you were becoming a bit upset with them.

“We just have to go get him, he’s with Peter right now so just stay here” Sirius said as he bounded up the stairs with way more energy than he should have at this point in the night, and with that James and Sirius disappeared up to their room you assumed. 

You turned around to face the common room as a whole, you’d never seen inside any of the other house’s common rooms before. It was cozy, much more like a family living room than Slytherins, you walked closer to the fireplace you were really hoping you weren’t regretting this at this point. You heard a herd of footsteps coming downstairs and you had to fight the urge to hide, if it was a random student you could always obliviate… You stopped yourself because you heard your name being called from behind you, it was James, you turned and saw Remus with his eyes being covered. They uncovered his eyes and he grinned from ear to ear, he looked so thrilled to see you. You wished you were just as excited but you weren’t, you were scared and felt terribly that he felt this way for you if you couldn’t even give it a chance. He raced over to you and you wrapped your arms around his neck for a hug and you were surprised when he picked you up, you laughed as he swung you around before setting you back down. He kissed you and you pulled away when you noticed the others still watching you two. Remus told them to bugger off and you two watched as they went up the stairs, turning back to each other only once they were out of sight. 

“I didn’t think you were really here”

“You’ve got some crafty friends I might say”

“I wish we would’ve done this sooner” His smile was so wide and genuine, you almost wished it wasn’t. “Let’s sit” he ushered you to the sofa before you really get to yourself.

“I don’t even know what to say I’m sorry-”

He shook his head and gathered your hands in his “It’s all good love, as long as I get to spend time with you.”

You smiled and rested your head on his shoulder, you closed your eyes for a second hoping you’d wake up and everything was normal. You had your parents, you weren’t engaged to Severus, and you never had to worry about Abraxas again. Yet when you opened your eyes it wasn’t true and you had to face reality, You sat back up and looked directly at him hoping you looked confident. “I actually need to tell you something it’s about my parents.”

Remus looked a little confused on why you were bringing this up now but went along with it. 

“Well” You pressed your lips together and quickly ran a hand through your hair “They’re dead.”

He nodded with sympathy on his face and then he was utterly confused, he opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off.

“I know what I said previously… I just really didn’t want a lot of people knowing and it happened a while ago so I just yeah.” 

Remus’s face twisted as he tried to take a grasp on what you just said. “Then who” He gestured to your back.

You questioned your decision to tell him, but you trusted him right why shouldn’t he know some of it. It would help your actions with him seem a lot more reasonable. So you moved to where you were sitting in his lap facing him, you were concerned someone would overhear you or even lip read. “You cannot tell anyone else not James or Sirius or Peter.” 

Remus nodded “I promise.” He brought his left hand to sit on your hip which you considered a cheeky move considering you just told him your parents were dead.

“When my parents were accidentally” you stressed the word accidentally, though you were never sure either way “killed by Antonin Dolohov the guardianship over me was handed to Abraxas Malfoy by the ministry. He didn’t want me but he was instructed by the Dark Lord to clean up Dolohov’s mess so he could have him to use in the war and since Abraxas is a ministry man he could control the situation around me easily..”

Remus nodded along, his hands grip getting tighter, he wasn’t sure where to start “Is Abraxas the one…” He never finished his sentences when referring to your bruises.

You nodded “Yeah and that’s why I can’t go to Madam Pomfrey or any professors.”

“But it’s not okay that he does that to you” He objected, his voice louder than you liked.

“It’s been happening since I was 7, I can handle it on my own.”

“But-” You cut him off.

“I know what you may think but that’s just the way things are especially for families like mine.”

His face turned from engaged and concerned to sunk “Does that mean you’re a death eater as well?”

“No I swear I’m not and I never will be” You were desperate to prove this to him, so you pulled away from him and shoved up your left sleeve, revealing your bare forearm. He reached out and put his hand on your forearm gently rubbing his thumb on your skin. He was good at that.

“I didn’t think you were but the whole of Slytherin seems like a breeding ground for those guys”

Your smile had faded and you nodded again “I know and some of them are terrible especially right now, but I can’t do anything. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your place to try to convince them of anything.” He took his hand off of your forearm and used it to pull your face to his. “Thank you for telling me I know it wasn’t easy to do.”

You didn’t want to respond so you kissed him. At least you knew you enjoyed kissing him and you did it because you wanted to. Maybe you could kiss him enough to make up for however many years you would spend married to Severus. You again got a pang of guilt in your stomach for even entertaining the idea of a real relationship with Remus or anyone else. But you relented and deepened the kiss, you could let yourself have a little fun right. His hands roamed around your body and he’d started getting a little too far when you suddenly realized you were being watched. You pulled your face away and looked up to see Lily in her pajamas watching you kiss Remus, she was the last person you wanted to see tonight. You mouthed to her “Please don’t” before she turned and left. Remus asked you if there was someone there and you hesitated before selling him no and so he pulled you back into a kiss.


	3. Summer Meetings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason why it stops where it is because it's 10 pages of my google doc and I didn't think the ultra long chapters were worth the wait. Comments make my whole day and motivate me to continue writing so if you could that' be really appreciated.

That night you’d been escorted back to your dorm by Remus who grabbed the invisibility cloak to hopefully prevent you two from being caught. When you finally got into bed you had a heavy mix of emotions on your mind but you fell asleep just the same. 

For the rest of the term you continued tutoring Remus while being kidnapped occasionally after your duties in the green house. It was nice you got to snog a guy you found reasonably attractive while also avoiding Abraxas’s wrath but all good things come to an end. The train ride back wasn’t stressful, you’d joined a compartment with some Hufflepuff acquaintances and snuck to see Remus for a few minutes before you made it to London. You’d kissed him in front of the rest of the boys which earned you some gross noises but you squeezed his hand and promised him you would talk as soon as possible. When the train arrived at the station you were shoving the book you were reading when you looked up to see if someone had come to get you. It was Abraxas and Lucius a few yards away talking to someone you thought you recognized but couldn’t place a name on. You grabbed your trunk and hauled it over to them.

“You look dirty, let's go” Abraxas had cut the conversation with the man to speak to you. You didn’t dare look at Lucius for comfort but you wanted to so badly. Abraxas placed a tight hand onto your shoulder and guided you out. Remus and Severus noticed the way he treated you but you didn’t look back to see their reactions.

The journey home was fine per usual and you noticed the man had at some point disappeared before your arrival at Malfoy Manor. “Go shower we have somewhere to be in an hour.” Abraxas called after you as you hauled your trunk to the cottage. This in fact scared you, he never brought you anywhere so the fact that he was bringing you somewhere now was absolutely concerning. Yet nevertheless you showered, shaved, and attempted to look as well kept as the other Malfoys because weren’t you a Malfoy? You wore the one dress you knew Abraxas approved of, a deep green simple sheath style with black tights and black shoes. You weren’t dressed for your age but at least you looked younger than you were hopefully keeping some of the people you assumed you’d encounter, away from you. You grabbed and tucked your wand away before heading back to the Manor. Abraxas and Lucius were waiting for you in the front hall, Lucius smiled slightly while Abraxas looked at you with disdain. You were glad nothing had changed. Abraxas looked you up and down before nodding, he looked to Lucius who grabbed your elbow before apparating. 

You’d refrained from vomiting onto Lucius for the time being and stood up fully entirely unsure of where you were. When you looked up the need to vomit came back up all over again, you were at a death eaters meeting. Why the actual hell had Abraxas brought you here, a 15 year old girl who just finished her 4th year at Hogwarts, a death eater meeting during the middle of the war. Was he joking, you had no place to be here especially since you’d been explicitly allowed to not join while in school. Thoughts rumbled in your head as you looked to Abraxas who seemed all too smug with himself. Was this punishment for dating Remus Lupin? He couldn’t have known that, no one but the boys knew and in fact even if Lily had told Severus about that one time you were snogging him in the common room wouldn’t he have already punished you for that? You looked to Lucius who seemed calm, that should calm you right. Right?

Abraxas led you through some doors and into the main room where the Dark Lord sat at the head of the table though only a few people were sitting before him. Were you guys earlier or was this a meeting you really really really did want to be a part of. You noticed Avery was in one of the seats which meant, your eyes flickered to faces before settling on the one you didn’t want to see, Severus. Why would he be here unless it was to join but that wasn’t possible unless you were… your thoughts crashed, married to him. It wasn’t possible, the contract said, but you hesitated it didn’t matter what the contract said if the Dark Lord ordered it himself. Lucius pushed you along into a seat too close to Voldemort for your liking but at least it wasn’t next to Severus. Oh god when did sitting near fucking Voldemort seem better than next to Severus. 

Then Voldemort started talking, mostly updates about the war specifically but you were able to drown that out. You really didn’t want to hear it, not today you just got back from Hogwarts a few hours ago. You turned to watch him speak. He looked directly at you changing his subject and tone.

“Do you know why I requested you come today F/N?”

“No my lord.” Responses needed to be short and to the point, you didn’t want to lead your thoughts astray around him.

“Ah, Abraxas has done well with you then.” Your eyebrow moved slightly and he continued, “You’ve continued your education well then, you’ll be a great addition to the war effort soon enough.” You nodded in agreement. “Abraxas has confirmed with me the contract you made this summer?” 

You desperately wanted to look at anyone but him, even Severus would do at this point but you withheld the urge. “Yes my lord.”

He brought his hands together with a clap, “We will bring everyone together for that event, until that time if you have any information please do bring it to me.” He looked to Abraxas “Abraxas you should bring me her again soon.”

At this point you blanked out your mind, you knew multiple people in the room were skilled Legimiens and you didn’t need them knowing anything about you. The meeting continued and when it ended you followed Abraxas and Lucius’s lead to leave. You felt like you were going to faint when someone grabbed your wrist, it was Severus.

Severus came close before speaking “How are you already in his good graces you’re not even-“

You cut him off quickly, “You don’t know anything about me Snape”, you shook your hand out of his grip, “Go back to Lily and cry about it, oh wait she doesn’t know-” You were cut off when Abraxas grabbed your hair, pulling you out of the room violently.

He hissed out “What was that you ugly git” he yanked your hair again, pulling your head closer “You’re lucky-” He cut himself off as two people walked closer though he didn’t let go of your hair. They walked past seemingly unaware of the situation, Lucius turned to his father.

“We should go” Abraxas grunted and apparated back to the manor with your hair still in his grasp. 

Back at the manor Abraxas screamed at you, which he never did, at least not since you’d turned 10. He’d pushed you to the ground again, he really seemed to enjoy having physical dominance over you. Seeing the opportunity when you received a foot to the face you faked being knocked out in hopes he’d leave you alone but it didn’t work as well as you’d thought. He kicked you a final time before you heard Lucius address him. 

“Why do you treat her like this? She’s a child.”

“She’s well old enough to know what her role is here.”

“She’s not a house elf, if someone sees you hurting her they’ll start asking questions.”

There was a pause. “I didn’t want her in the first place, it’s not anyone’s business how we run things here.”

“She didn’t ask to be here with you.”

“She’s a burden, you should know this best.”

“The dark lord-”

“The dark lord what Lucius? He put me in charge of her until she’s old enough to be initiated. I’m doing what I’m legally allowed to do with her.”

“The dark lord gave her permission to wait during the war, do you think that means nothing? If she is damaged or defects that will mean you wasted at least 10 years of your life.”

“I wish Dolohov would’ve killed her too, then we could’ve just covered up the whole thing and moved on.”

“But now you’re able to use those houses her parents owned.”

There was another pause. “Go take her to her room, there’s nothing more to say. The fact is that we are stuck with her until we get Severus to marry her.”

After some footsteps you felt Lucius gather you in his arms and take you out to the cottage, you remained as limp as possible. He set you down on your bed and told a house elf to bring you dinner in two hours. He left without any words to you which you thought would be more relieving than you really felt. You got up after a little bit and showered again, settling into clothes that you would be okay in sleeping in. You moved your trunk down to the floor deciding to unpack it the next day, it was around this time when a house elf brought you dinner and some water. You’d thanked him before eating quickly and getting a book to fall asleep to.

Over the next few weeks it was radio silent from the Manor which wasn’t unusual for the summer and especially now since the war was ramping up. You took it as a good sign that they weren’t bothering you, this did mean you spent a lot of time with the windows open reading some pretty old books. You’d learn some new spells from some of the books and go back over your textbooks from this past year. July turned into August and you were anticipating going to Diagon alley soon enough to get the next school supplies list. You were hoping maybe you’d see Remus and get to talk to him or anyone really, the books kept you company but couldn’t keep the loneliness from creeping in. On midday of August 11th Abraxas and Lucius had shown up at the cottage, coming in as why would they need a key. You sat up again as they inspected your room. 

“Do you need me to get dressed?” 

“Yes we are having a dinner party tonight.” Abraxas moved some of the notes on your desk before adding “You’ll be the one entertaining Severus Snape tonight.”

You cringed internally “Who else will be here?”

“The usual crowd” He whipped around to face you, you really hated how he had to always try to scare you even during simple conversations “If I catch you out of line I will make you regret it.” 

You nodded and looked from Abraxas to Lucius who was combing through your book, seeming to be curious verses looking for something to catch you with. Lucius looked up and over to you at the pause in conversation, he looked to Abraxas and he didn’t react. Nothing. So it really seemed as if this was going to be a normal dinner party with a few extra guests, you could handle that, couldn’t you. It took a second but Abraxas shrugged and left, Lucius trailing not so far behind him. 

You sighed and went to the shower, it felt like it was going to be a terribly long night. You’d waited a bit after showering to actually get dressed, picking out another one of the Abraxas approved dresses you normally kept in the back of your wardrobe. You didn’t enjoy the idea of only having clothes that a grown man approved of, especially when he wasn’t your actual father and had a large number of motivations for what he picked. After balancing the knowledge of who was coming and the fact that you’d be Severus all night, you picked something you knew he could stare down. A black wrap dress with gold embellishments throughout, a deep V but it showed absolutely nothing, and it was just tight enough for you to not look like a grandmother. You really hoped this was a good choice, there had only been a couple of times that a dinner party guest had commented on your appearance for better or worse but you were desperate not to deal with it tonight. Black ankle strapped heels and some silver jewelry later you ready for another night of hell with Abraxas. 

Slipping into the manor you passed Lucius on the staircase on your way to the dining room, he gave you a smile, it’s the only genuine one you received around here. You gave him a smile back and continued up the stairs entering the dining room, Abraxas saw you out of the corner of his eye and called you over with a large smile, he was standing in the corner of the room talking to a man you assumed was from the ministry but you didn’t recognize him. You approached them with a smile and Abraxas put a hand on your shoulder, almost like a proud father would. Abraxas introduced him, Barty Crouch Sr. the head of the department of magical law enforcement, you relished in the irony that was him at death eater central. He shook your hand and you continued to smile at him as Abraxas introduced you, “She’s not a Malfoy but she does live up to the name” oh really you thought to yourself, “It was a terribly sad day when she came into our care but I think we produced a talented girl.” His grip on your shoulder tightened as Crouched talked to you directly.

“What year are you at Hogwarts my dear?”

“I’m about to start my 5th year in a few weeks.”

“Will you be following Lucius' footsteps with the ministry?

“Oh well” you hesitated a little “I’m actually quite good at Herbology so I would like to do something with that.”

The grip on your shoulder didn’t change so you presumed that your answer was deemed acceptable by Abraxas. “Isn’t that wonderful” Crouch turned back from you to Abraxas “You’ll have to tell her all about the jobs on level 3, I think she’d be useful there.” 

Abraxas patted your shoulder gently, feeling like this was not a conversation to impede on you excused yourself to go find Lucius again. Moving to the other side of the room you searched for a friendly face when you found it next to Severus. Lucius was in between a girl his age, you thought her name was Narcissa but you were positive, and Severus who seemed to again be alone. When you approached they stopped talking but it didn’t seem like a negative reaction or at least you hoped it wasn’t.

“Abraxas just introduced me to Barty Crouch” You stopped in front of them and looked back over to the duo talking before looking at the trio in front of you. It took a second of silence before you spoke up again, you were really unprepared to carry conversations today “Oh and is it Narcissa Black right” you asked the woman while outstretching your hand “I’m F/N pleasure to meet you.”

She nodded and shook your hand “Yes, and Lucius talks much about you.”

You smiled at the thought of Lucius bringing you up in conversation like you would siblings but you knew it probably wasn’t the case. “I hope it’s all good things.” You responded, then you turned to Severus “Hello Severus”, he nodded to you and you turned to Lucius “Do you know when dinner will be ready?”

“It should be now” The four of you turned to the table and like movie magic the food appeared on the table, you laughed for a second before following the lead to find your spot at the table. You were thankfully next to Lucius but not thankfully next to Severus, meaning you were sandwiched between the boys. When you went to sit down you got a good look at Severus for the first time in a while, still tall and lanky, his skin was incredibly pale, eyes sunken in, it almost looked as if all he did was cry, he just wasn’t terribly attractive. But who were you kidding yourself with judging based on attractiveness, Remus wasn’t even the best looking of that group of boys and he had an extraordinary amount of scars that wasn’t typical to attractiveness. You gave him a genuine smile before turning your eyes to Abraxas who was talking at the head of the table, after what seemed like forever you finally got to eat. Dinner was pleasant, you were able to talk to Narcissa, there were friends of Abraxas who asked you about school, and generally it was not a bad time. You did turn to Severus to talk at one point but it was like he’d forgotten how to speak or something, you brushed that off quickly though. 

After dinner the four of you moved to a foyer where you and Severus sat across from each other on heavily embellished armchairs. You crossed your legs as you leaned towards him to start a conversation. 

“Have you been to a Malfoy dinner party before Severus?”

He looked at you, surprised you were actually speaking to him “No.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I thought it was still going on, shouldn’t you ask me that later?”

“I should but will you be talking to me at that point.”

He didn’t respond but flashed a raised eyebrow in response.

“How much do you really know about me Severus? My life at the Malfoy Manor” You emphasized the last sentence and leaned in closer to him, you wanted to be nice but if you could mess with him you wanted to.

He seemed stand-off ish about how close you were, “Lucius tells me little of you.”

“Hmm” you paused, you could tell him anything at this point and he’d might believe it. “Do you know why the dark lord favors me in a way he doesn’t others?”

Severus’s eyes grew wide but his face remained unmoved. “No I do not.”

You essentially placed your mouth next to his ear, “Who do you think I really am Severus because I’m obviously not a Malfoy..”

He remained unwaivered “I think you are exactly who you present yourself to be at school.”

“I’d like to think so too though I don’t think you approve of my choice of friends.”

He moved his head away from yours slightly. “Those filthy gits are the leeches of society, yet they’re so cowardly they only corner me when there’s four of them.” His voice was at a whisper.

“Do you not think I didn’t figure out who told Abraxas about me and Remus? Do you think me a fool, Severus?” You had reached out and grabbed his knee to prevent him from attempting to leave.

“I could not let you fraternize with a bully who happens to target your future husband.”

“Severus whatever you think I have in my Gringotts Vault is not correct, did Abraxas lie to your mother? Tell her that once married I could take care of your money problems?” You pulled your body back a bit, “All of its gone, wiped out by Abraxas funding the war, in fact that’s why I need not join the death eaters to be in good graces with the dark lord.”

Severus seemed genuinely angry at this point “I had no part in the contract and you know that, I never wanted to marry you in the first place.”

“I think you want to marry Lily Evans but she would disappoint the dark lord because isn’t she a mud blood?”

He yanked back at the mention of Lily, obviously offended by your characterization of her. “Keep her name out of your mouth.”

“Or what? If Abraxas finds out about your relationship with her, I’m the one he’ll push down the stairs.”

Severus’s face became softer at the mentioning of Abraxas’s abuse. 

“Oh Severus” you gave a squeeze to his knee before letting go “I would love to know why you want to become a death eater considering your fathers a muggle.”

“My father has nothing to do with me, I don’t want anything to do with that man.”

“I wouldn’t know since mine are dead.” You tisked “You never answered my question.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“Yet you do, future husband. I need to know where your loyalties stand when the going gets tough.” He just looked at you. “I’d like to think you’re a good man Severus, you just need a little love.”

“We will not be in a relationship until we are 18 and I would like to keep it that way.”

“Do you hate me Severus? For the things that I do or simply because of who I am? Because if it’s the latter then join the line everyone around here’s in that group.”

Severus desperately wanted to hex you in some way or fashion. “I do not hate you.”

“Oh but I think you do because you know I could crush your world with just my fingers.”

You heard footsteps approaching earshot so you turned to them. It was Abraxas and a few of his close friends, one you knew was a black but the others you forgot their names. “What did I tell you all, they make a darling couple! They’ll be wanting to get married soon enough!” The group with him laughed in agreement. 

You looked back to Severus, were you now fake dating right after you said all of those things. 

Apparently so. 

The weeks leading up to your first day back at Hogwarts were spent mostly with you angry, sometimes throwing things in your cottage. How the actual hell was this real, why were you feeling such hatred fit the person you had to marry, and why were you still keeping up the charade. You could end this at any point, taking your own life, telling Professor McGonagall about the abuse by letter, or even acting out against the dark lord though that might get you killed. Either way you had a choice to make and while getting out seemed obvious you just weren’t prepared for that. You attended another death eater meeting before school started though Voldemort didn’t address you and it was mostly about coordinating attacks. You relished in your alone time knowing that you were going to have very little of it until winter break. 

The train ride back to Hogwarts was mostly without fanfare, a couple hours into the ride you went to go find Remus but were deterred when you saw Severus walking in your direction. Though you doubted seeing him when you went to go find Remus was a purposeful attempt at deterring you. Taking that in stride you attempted to seek Remus again when you got off the train but by then he’d already taken a carriage, you hoped this didn’t mean the worst. You finally found him in the corridor, you practically flew into his arms. After kissing him you took a deep look at him, he was scruffier than before but seemed fine.

“I was really hoping you weren’t avoiding me love” He said as he buried his head into the crook of your shoulder, he really liked the way you smelled. 

You paused, he really had no idea, taking in a depth breath you squeezed him. “No you should’ve seen the sight on the train! A first year dropped her bag against the door and it broke. We couldn't get out until someone opened the door for us.” White lies were fine when they were to protect the relationship right?

“I’m so glad you’re still here with me.” He pulled back and smiled at you, that smile could do things to you. You kissed him softly before he spoke again, “I got made prefect, look!” He showed you his little badge on his robes.

“That’s wonderful! I’m so proud of you!” He was beaming ear to ear. “I have so many things to catch you up on and you too! What did you do this summer?”

“Oh well not a lot to be honest but tell me more about it tomorrow at lunch I’ll come sit with you if I can. I don’t want to miss dinner. I’m utterly starving.” You grabbed his face and kissed him again though you now noticed he was taller than he was before but only by an inch or two. He nodded in agreement before the two of you fell into the back of the crowd.

After double potions you were exhausted and terribly hungry, Professor Slughorn had decidedly went full turbo on the first day's lesson. When you got to the great hall you sought out the boys, you found them but with them was the distinctive hair of Lily Evans. Severus was going to have a field day when he was the 6 of you but you were willing to take the risk. You slid in between Sirius and Remus who placed a loving but possessive hand on your leg. You greeted everyone normally including Lily as each of the boys attempted to grab your attention with a different story from the summer. You basked in the friendliness and warmth you felt coming from them, they only poked fun of you being a Slytherin when it regarded Quidditch or the house cup. You wondered how much of that was due to Remus and how much of it was actually their feelings towards you. Remus during lunch also never stopped talking though this did give you a chance to eat. Sirius gave you a fist bump on the way out and Lily waved goodbye to the whole of you as she went to Transfiguration. In the corridor you faced Remus, promising to get kidnapped as soon as you could before turning to head to your next class. Remus grabbed your wrist and your eyes shot wide to him, was he going to hit you for walking away to go to class. His eyes shot wide as soon as he saw your face and remembered, his face was full of remorse and you trusted that it wasn’t malicious. That’s when you saw past him only a little further down the hallway, Severus who was staring at the two of you, Remus grabbing your wrist as you were pulling away. It did not look good at all. You pulled your wrist free as Remus apologized, you nodded before taking off to your next class.

You had to sit with the Slytherins at dinner so you weren’t able to talk to Remus again that day but when you spotted him he looked like he’d been sulking. You felt bad for him, he was used to how physical the boys were and forgot who he was interacting with since you hadn’t seen or talked to him all summer. You weren’t upset with him, people make mistakes and you were more than willing to forgive him for it but someone else wasn’t. In the common room you were corner by Severus who honestly scared the shit out of you since you couldn’t see him in the lighting. 

“How could you let that scum treat you like that?” Severus almost hissed at you. Well hello to you too you thought snarkily. 

“Remus? It was an accident he-“

He was the one to cut you off. “I saw how he grabbed you, is he hitting you like Abraxas does?” He seemed to be grasping at straws, you knew James and Sirius bullied him but Remus didn’t. Was he trying to find a reason to hate Remus like he did the others?

“No, he doesn’t hurt me” You’d lean closer to Severus because you really didn’t want someone overhearing your conversation. “Are you concerned about me Severus?”

“Absolutely not.” His words were clear but his emotion was not. “The last thing I need is for someone who knows to see you being hit by your boy toy.”

Internally rolling your eyes you spat back “Oh so this is about your image?”

“Yes-“ he cut himself off. ”No, it’s about you and what you’re doing to yourself. Do you want Abraxas to come and beat you again?”

Wait, how did he know that.. “Are you threatening me Severus?”

“No but what if you get severely injured the next time he hurts you..”

The sentiment was there in the most Severus way possible but you were already angry with him. “Would that make me damaged goods? Would I be far too damaged enough to fall in love with?” The gravity of your words didn’t sink in until a moment later. 

Severus pulled back, he almost sneered at you but couldn’t find the real motivation to. You took the opportunity to go the stairs and back to your dorm as quickly as possible. Severus was just left standing there, Avery had probably already gone to bed and there was no one left in the common room. He slumped into a chair. What the hell was he doing, why did it matter so much to him that he had to confront you. The idea of you being hurt by Remus or any of the other gits enraged him so much but why, was it because he knew the other ways you were being hurt. When you talked to him that night at the dinner party you seemed more hurt than angry and he didn’t exactly understand why. Why had you revealed all of that information to him when you hated him so much.. He hated the idea of not being with Lily but also you since you knew your path after Hogwarts wasn’t guaranteed with the company Abraxas kept. What were all the things that Abraxas had done to you, had he- he paused on that thought unable to continue it further comfortably. He knew that you were open to giving the relationship an actual shot but then why were you still with Remus? He scowled at the idea of what the two of you did alone, did it have something to do with Lily. His head started to hurt, you didn’t want to become a death eater either and yet you were so clearly favored by Voldemort. A lot of things didn’t make sense to him but he knew that you were certainly playing the long game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is 5th year and all y'all know what happens in 5th year so buckle your seat belts. Also sometimes I forget that this is the 1970's so clothing choices are kept to a minimal description, though I can assume y'all know the Malfoy aesthetic well enough to follow me. Pushing back canon Narcissa x Lucius because that's just how it's going to be, I'm not altering them just pushing back what happens so I can focus on the important shit at hand.


	4. The Lily Incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short because I ended up needing to split one into two. Will post second part today. Also not being able to use the word y'all is getting annoying.

It was actually a few weeks later that you even ran into Severus again, it was on the main stairs and you’d accidentally bumped into him after getting almost nearly ran over by some first years yourself. You looked at him with surprise and looked to see if he’d dropped anything, you apologized sincerely and ran down the stairs to your next class. He paused to watch you but you didn’t notice, you were becoming a more interesting person to him than he’d realize. 

In that time period Remus had thoroughly apologized to the point where it was getting to be too much, you knew it was an accident and he didn’t even hurt you. You thought maybe it was partially due to him wanting to make up for the whole summer though you didn’t really care since that’s always how you’ve spent your time at the Malfoy Manor. You’d started regularly joining them for lunch, McGonagall had pulled you aside and warned you but you promised her to try to police their antics from the inside which allowed you to go unscathed. It was great you’d get “kidnapped” once or twice a week to spend time with him, sometimes with the whole group if it was an exciting week. It was pleasant, you started kissing him in the hallways out of sheer fuck you attitude to Abraxas and the times he would leave to go see his mother you’d catch up on homework. 

The end of fall started coming around and on the last warm day of the year the incident happened. You’d been in the greenhouse essentially from waking up until just after lunch helping Professor Sprout move what needed to be moved before the frost set in when you left to go find Remus. You had literally just stepped outside when you heard shouting, so you hurried over to see which first years were fighting except for it wasn’t first years fighting. James and Sirius were taunting Severus, James specifically levitating him with reckless abandon, while Remus and Peter watched, you hadn’t even noticed Lily there. You essentially ran up to Remus begging him to stop it, his face showed confusion but he started talking to James. You didn’t want to get physically or magically involved because if Severus fell from the height he was at he could get seriously hurt. You heard Lily tell him to stop as well and you grasped onto Remus’s robes. 

“I will if you go out with me, Evans.” James taunted again and you looked at Remus who’d entirely stopped trying to help. 

You were so surprised that Remus just wasn’t doing anything about this, how could he let his friends do this to someone even if it was Severus, you hadn’t noticed that James had broken the jinx. You heard Severus when he voiced his anger at Lily “You’re a filthy little mudblood for-”

Lily cut him off “I wouldn’t date him even if it were a choice between him and the Giant Squid”

“Who the hell are you calling a mud-blood Severus?” You called out and stomped over, though not to James or Lily specifically. “Have you forgotten your fathers a muggle or has Avery twisted your mind that far?” You knew that blow wasn’t going to be pretty for you, him, or even Remus whose mother was a muggle.

Severus came at you, you placed your hand out to block James, Sirius, or even Remus from coming to defend you. “You have no right to speak to me like that F/N.”

“Severus” You quickly glanced behind you and all three of the boys hand their wands out ready to take on Severus, you looked back and made eye contact with him “You know exactly what’s going to happen if you do this, I can make sure you’re never in his good graces.” The stare between you two lasted a long time and neither of you seemed to hear anyone else while doing so. 

It only broke when Remus touched you on the shoulder and you flinched. You turned to the group of boys behind you “Don’t think I’m not angry with you lot either.” You sent glares to each one of them before turning back to Severus “You know what to do” and he left. Turning back to the boys you let out an exasperated sigh before turning your attention to Remus in particular, “We need to talk.” You walked back up into the castle with Remus in tow. 

Once in an empty corridor you unleashed on Remus. “What the hell was that! Are you actually kidding me, is that what you all have been doing to him for the past 5 years?”

“Well I-”

“He always told me James never comes after him fully unless there's four of you there, are you the fourth one?”

“Why were you talking to him?

“Remus! He’s in my house, he’s in half of my classes so of course I’ve talked to him.”

“Why are you defending him F/N?”

“He is a person with feelings like me” Your facial expression seemed pained at this point “I would defend anyone from that Remus.”

Remus seemed upset by how upset you were. “I wasn’t doing anything to him.”

“Doing nothing is worse than not trying to help at all.”

You two stood in silence for a minute before you took a deep breath “I can’t be friends with any of those boys again Remus” you looked up to him “I’m not leaving you but I just can’t tolerate that behavior, I’m sorry.”

Remus reached a hand out to you “It was just a prank I didn’t know it’d go that far.”

“I have to go Remus” You pushed his hand away, you wanted to cry because this wasn’t how it was supposed to go, “Please leave me alone for a few days I need to think this all out.”

You walked away, Remus was going to reach out again to you and try to get you to talk it out now but he decided not to. You took the nearest staircase just to put some space in between the two of you. When you got into the common room thankfully Severus wasn’t there so you could just get into your dorm and be alone. This wasn’t it, you couldn’t be associated with people who were actively torturing your future husband, he’d despise you forever. Yet you couldn’t change Remus’s actions anymore you could James or Sirius’s. You wanted to scream into your pillow but instead went to sleep, your brain was prepared for the long game not this one. 

You slept for a very long time, through dinner and through breakfast the next morning which concerned your roommates enough to call Madam Pomfrey to check on you. She didn’t find anything wrong in particular but had you moved down into the hospital wing since you weren’t waking up by yourself. It was 3pm when you finally stirred and Madam Pomfrey came over to you with water in hand. You slowly sat up and looked to her, she really didn’t have to say anything to know she knew. After drinking the entire glass you took a deep breath, “Madam Pomfrey I think the stress of those boys will kill me someday.” She laughed lightly and nodded, allowing you to rest until dinner where you could head back to your dorm without being hassled by anyone.

The next day you went to class like nothing had happened, which technically nothing had really happened at all. You collected your homework from the prior days professors and ate lunch with a group of third years who were wanting help on a potions homework assignment. You didn’t even see Remus or any of the boys, though you weren’t looking for them. You finished out your day in normal fashion, you did find sweets and a note from Remus on your bed when you went back upstairs though. Nice gesture but you put them away out of sight, you just wanted some peace and quiet for a day or two. You took your potions homework downstairs to the common room, hoping to catch back up that night. You’d found a comfortable place to sit and started reading the instruction when you felt a sharp pain going through you. 

Someone was going through your memories, they were pulling at the most random ones when you realized it was Severus. Why was he doing this, why now? He pulled the one about you telling Remus to give you space, the next was you faked knocked out listening to Abraxas, then it was Abraxas hitting you in a classroom after he found out about Remus. You weren’t fighting him and you think that made him upset, he was looking for something but wasn’t finding it. He tried again, he saw you avoid him on the train here and then you run to him the other day, he hadn’t seen you beg Remus to help you before. You shut him out after that and you almost passed out but he ran out from behind you to catch your upper body.

You suddenly opened your eyes to find Severus holding part of your body up looking at you, you frowned “All you had to do was ask.” 

You didn’t say anything more to him, picking up the potions work you hadn’t started, you just left to go back. You looked back at him and wanted to tell him a lot especially about how you weren’t his rebound from Lily but you held back it wasn’t worth your time or energy. 

You kept receiving little gifts over the next few days until they entirely stopped. Remus must have gone to see his mom, you presumed as you did not see him for a few days. You also didn’t see Severus, like at all, he wasn’t in any of your shared classes or at meals. Either way you got to sleep easy knowing that you were free of drama for the time being. You didn’t know how long your relationship to Remus would actually last but you would do your best to make the most of it. 

So when Remus was back you headed over towards the Gryffindor tower before breakfast was supposed to start. You saw him walking towards the great hall alone, he didn’t either recognize you or look up because it was only when you started walking towards him that he made eye contact. Gap between you closed and he enveloped you in a hug, it felt good but not right. Nothing seemed wrong on his side but you felt a little weird doing it. He kissed you on the forehead and you two walked to breakfast together, even though you couldn’t sit with him you still talked enough to make it seem normal again. You didn’t harbor any resentment towards him, you knew what had happened was problematic but you didn’t have a future with him so why bother with some of these things.


	5. The Shack Incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much dialogue, hope you can keep up. Also come at me I can't capitalize for shit and punctuation exists as a theory. Reminder explicit applies to physical fighting and sex, there will not be any graphic depictions of sexual abuse if mentioned at all. And don't forget Regulus Black becomes a death eater, it's 1976 we're getting close.

Things went well for the next few months, Remus still sat with his friends but he would accompany you to the greenhouse and spend time with you while you did tasks for Professor Sprout. You’d sneak off into a closet to snog him a couple of times but nothing went further than some less than innocent touching and he never pushed it past that which was a relief. All was well at Hogwarts, mostly, even Severus seemed to be back in the swing of things though his loss of Lily made him insufferable. 

Winter break came and went without much difficulty as well. You avoided Abraxas the entire time, didn’t have to go to any death eater meetings, no dinner parties, it was quite nice. Remus had given you a Christmas present on the train back to Hogwarts, you’d objected as you had no way to get him a gift in return unless you were to ask Lucius and that wasn’t an option. He’d smiled and kissed you, insisting you take it anyways, telling you he knew getting it that you might not be able to return the favor but wanted you to have it anyways. You hugged and thanked him before parting ways, going back to your separate compartments. Once back in your seat you’d tore the wrapping open revealing two identical book ends, horses who had enchanted knights on them. It was terribly sweet and something you would’ve never bought for yourself making it a perfect gift. You smiled but felt so terribly, you couldn’t give him anything back that you couldn’t just make yourself, would you ever be able to be able to give anyone anything under Abraxas’s thumb? 

Dinner time on January 14th came with a surprise that you weren’t prepared for. You had sat with your roommates for a change when towards the end of the meal you realized you’d forgotten to tell Professor Sprout something earlier. So you stood up and started walking to her end of the high table, when you heard Remus talking from the Gryffindor table you slowed to catch it.

“You know James, I think I’m falling in love with her..”

It took everything inside of you to not stop and to keep walking, you told Professor Sprout hurriedly and headed back to your seat. You chugged whatever was left in your cup and looked to your roommates who were confused with what just happened, you brushed it off and told them you were going to head back to the common room. 

The next day at dinner it got even worse. You’d seen Remus and snogged him all good and well knowing it might be last time you got to do so because you absolutely could not allow Remus Lupin to fall in love with you. You sat with your roommates again because why not, you were on good terms with the entire house of Slytherin except for Severus so you could generally sit wherever. Dinner had just started when Severus came into the Great Hall and beelined for you, which generally put a little fear in your whole body. You knew Remus and the other boys could see this unfolding so you turned your head back towards the table in front of you. You also knew Severus wasn’t planning on hurting you because doing it in the Great Hall at dinner, with all of the teachers around plus Dumbledore spelled disaster. Severus sat down beside you and whispered with urgency that scared you. 

“Abraxas is here”

You turned your head towards him quickly “Are you sure?” You responded not as quietly but kept it to a whisper. 

He leaned in closer, presumably to prevent the 4 boys behind you two from hearing, his lips were very close to your ear “I just got an owl from Lucius, he’s supposed to meet with Dumbledore.”

“Do I need to leave?”

“No finish dinner, but be in the common room he will want to speak to you.”

Your mouth remained open from shock, the overall look on your face was being scared and physically pained. 

“I can be there too, maybe so he won’t..” He trailed off but cut himself off by standing up. 

“Please” It was the only thing the two of you said that could be heard by others. He nodded and left the Great Hall. You turned to look directly at Dumbledore, who seemed to be staring at you, smiling. You almost passed out but you grabbed the table with your left hand to steady yourself.

You turned to your roommates who were first hand witnesses to everything and told them only “I guess I won’t be in our room until late tonight.” You attempted to smile and in turn you received giggles from the girls who you assumed thought that Severus was propositioning you. You wanted to turn to Remus and tell him even if only part of the truth, but you couldn’t and that pained you.

What Remus and the rest of the Marauders saw was the same series of events just without any of the context. They saw Severus Snape, the guy who almost ruined Remus’s relationship walk over to you, someone they knew didn’t associate themselves with him and sit down. He basically shoved his mouth into your ear and your reaction was not at all what they were expecting, they thought she’ll elbow him or yell at him to get away from you, but you didn’t. They watched as your facial reactions changed every time he spoke, he was so close to you, why weren’t you getting him away from you. Remus was angry but somehow James and Sirius were angrier, they’d allowed you a Slytherin into their circle because Remus thought you were pretty when you taught him about leaves. How dare you betray them by talking to the one person they hated the most, they could get over the mudblood incident but this, this was the line. Remus was just angry he didn’t know what was going on, that you couldn’t just tell him. The thing that put Sirius over the edge was the way you said please to Severus while he was leaving, what the hell could that mean other than the worst.

Your head throbbed throughout dinner but you ate normally because you would pass out on the way back to the common room if you didn’t. Slowly you stood up with the rest of your roommates, you didn’t want to turn around and face Remus. There was no way you could explain this now in the time you had, Dumbledore was already gone, presumably already meeting with Abraxas at the very moment. You needed to get back to the common room as soon as possible. You didn’t look at the boys but you knew that once you made it into the hallway that Remus was going to catch up to you. 

“F/N what the hell was that!”

“I’ll explain later” You continued to walk, you didn’t even turn to Remus when he spoke to you.

Remus reached to grab your arm but knew better than that and got a few paces ahead of you, “I’m leaving to see my mother in the morning.”

“I don’t have time for this Remus, please” You hoped the sound of your voice conveyed the message that you were scared and it’s not something he could help with. He didn’t respond quickly enough and you were quickly approaching the common room entrance. “Remus stop following me.”

“I want to know”

“I can’t!” You turned to him with sorrow on your face and hoped that would be enough but he was persistent. The common room door opened and you went inside, the door closing before Remus could speak again or come in. 

Your first mission was to find Severus who was pretty easy to find. He was in the corner of the common room, alone thankfully, he was waiting for you. You could always count on Severus to be weird in a situation where he really needed not to be weird. He was taller than you so him bending down to speak to you privately looked just weird.

“Did you do something?”

You looked at him with a frustration you couldn’t convey in words. “I haven’t done anything of note since screaming at you outside in the Fall.”

“There’s no reason to bring that up.” He hissed at you.

“I have no choice, I can’t imagine what he’s talking to Dumbledore about, what if he’s… pulling me out of school. Severus I can’t leave here.” You were exasperated, you were really freaking out at this point. You physically shuddered at the thought of being pulled out of Hogwarts, Severus noticed but didn’t know how 

“He wouldn’t do it now, everyone would figure out why.” You pressed your lips together at Severus’s optimism.

“Let’s just go sit, maybe I’ll calm down..” You made your way over to one of the nicer chairs and sat down, crossing your legs. This was it, all you could do is wait and see what would happen. You watched Severus make his way over to the chair next to you and sit like he’s never sat in a chair before, geez were you really going to marry this git. Then you waited, and waited, and waited some more until you heard the door basically burst open. You were beginning to think Abraxas hadn’t really come but now he was here making his way over to you and Severus. 

“Just the two people I was looking for!” Abraxas came around standing in front of the two of you in a very happy mood. “I wanted to see how the happy couple is doing.”

You were back to wanting to vomit mostly in fear. “We’re fine Abraxas, we are just tired, we had a long day with classes.”

You saw that for a second that he wanted to contradict or get on to you but he didn’t. “I see” he started pacing looking at the common room as a whole “Do you remember when you asked me to sign that permission slip to go to Hogsmeade?”

You nodded in the affirmative.

“I’ve decided that I’ll sign it on the condition that you may only go with Severus, if you’re seen without him then” He paused “Well you know the rules, I trust you’ll follow them.”

What was this trust word he was throwing around? He hasn’t trusted you with jack shit since you came to him 8 years ago. You couldn’t pick your own clothes, toys, food, hair cut, or even the way you tied your shoes. Why was Severus now taking responsibility of you now, it wasn’t like he was much older than you or could actually defend you if it came down to it. But was this the freedom you needed to make the plans to get out of here without seeming suspicious. You didn’t know but what you wanted to know if this lanky arsehole had anything to do with this new arrangement. Looking to him he seemed unphased, which you could never tell was a good sign or not. 

“Of course I will Abraxas. If that is it then could I please go to bed? I have class in the morning and I’m sure Severus does as well.”

Abraxas hesitated again but nodded. “Yes go ahead. Do not make me regret this.”

You scurried up the stairs to your dorm not even giving Severus a second glance. When you shucked your uniform off and got into bed you didn’t feel anymore safe than you did sitting down stairs. What was going to happen in the morning when seemingly nothing has changed but it feels like a lot has. You were considering socking Severus in the face since he saw you literally freak out at just the fact that your so-called guardian was in the building. You passed out easily to that last thought though. 

Breakfast was fine though you were there to keep your head down until you could speak to Remus alone. You skipped lunch, opting to avoid the boys until tomorrow you made yourself cozy at the back of one of the greenhouses but you’d accidentally fallen asleep. It was dark when you opened your eyes but you were able to see fine with the full moon flooding the structure. You assumed it was past curfew so you decided to walk to the side of the castle you’d least likely be able to be caught by Filch entering. You left your knapsack in the greenhouse since you were going back there tomorrow morning anyways so when you felt a tug on the back of your robes you jumped almost out of your skin. You’d just gotten your wand ready when James Potter's head stuck out of the invisibility cloak. 

“What are you doing outside James?”

“Apparently saving your boyfriend.”

“Remus is still here? I thought he-”

“No! I’m talking about Snivellus.”

“Is that what you really took out of yesterday?”

“Why else would you be begging the git in the middle of the Great Hall?’ The face he made mocking you looked primed to be punched but you didn’t want to deal with those consequences right now.

“James-” you started to argue with him but if Severus actually needed help you wanted to do that first. “Where is he and what did you do to him?”

“Follow me.” James’s words felt like they were dripping with regret, of what you didn’t know. When you approached the whomping willow he motioned for you to get under the cloak with him, where he led you up to the tree and forced you down a hole at the base with him. You fell on top of him but quickly got up. 

“Where are we going?”

“The Shrieking Shack.” He didn’t seem as upset as he was when he first got your attention.

After following the tunnel for a while you heard noises. It was Sirius and Severus fighting over something. You turned to James who had stopped walking forward, he told you “Do not let him go inside.”

“Why James? What’s in there?”

“Go ask him yourself.”

You were thoroughly confused by what was happening. Why were you in a tunnel that led to the shrieking shack? Why was Severus here and why did James say he needed saving? What was Sirius doing here and why did Remus seem involved? You followed the tunnel the rest of the way, Sirius and Severus blocking the probably entrance into the shrieking shack.

Severus noticed you after a minute of going back and forth with Sirius. He was angry and now yelling at you. “You knew didn’t you?! All this time that your boyfriend was scum!”

Now you were surprised and confused, “What does this have to do with Remus and why are we here?”

Sirius was the one to come at you next, “You whoring bitch! How dare you do this to Remus after all he’s done for you?”

“Do what?!”

“You’ve been sleeping with Snivellous on the side this entire time! I thought you were just weird this fast fall but last night 

“No!” Both you and Severus shouted at the same time. 

“Sirius, I have never slept with anyone in my entire life, I have never cheated on Remus with anyone especially not Severus.” Severus didn't take it as much of an insult as you intended it to be.

The floor above you shook shaking dust onto all of you. Severus turned to you again, apparently it was gang up on you time for everyone tonight, “I’ve been trying to catch these boys for months” internally you cringed because months Severus, really that seems a bit much “Tell me do you notice what time of the month it is when Remus vanished for a while?”

You shook your head “No, he goes to visit-”

“No he doesn’t! He comes here every full moon to do what-”

The puzzle pieces fit into your head but there were a lot of them at the moment so it kind of hurt but you tried your best. You turned to Sirius “Is Remus a.. Werewolf?”

“Of course he is!” Shouted Severus from beside you.

“Yes, how did you not figure this out! It’s nearly been a year.” Sirius was spitting mad and still seemed convinced of your evil persona he created in his head.

“I don’t go meddling in other people's businesses that they don’t want me to know about” You glared at Severus, all of this because Remus turns into a wolf every month? Big deal, you are literally living a wizarding war right now and this is what we choose to focus on, geez. 

“I’m going up there,” Severus said defiantly and started up the ladder. 

You rushed and grabbed his arm, “The hell you’re not Severus, if you get bit by him you know what happens right?” You taunted him a bit but you held your grip firmly and when he didn’t respond you did “You die or become a werewolf, and both of us know that you’re not okay with that.”

Severus stared at you before relenting, climbing back down much to Sirius’s dismay. 

You made sure Severus was going back down the tunnel before you turned to Sirius again, “How dare you almost kill somebody over a petty rivalry, what do you think I’m not on your side or something? Do you think Remus is going to be okay with this when he transforms back?” You were seething “I heard him say he was in love with me the other day, what do you think is going to happen now?” You hissed at him before leaving, making sure to keep Severus from turning back.

At the now exit you found James who without word threw the cloak around the two of you and the three of you left the tunnel running to get out of the reach of the whomping willow. You really didn’t have time to handle the fact that you didn’t know the boy you were dating was an actual werewolf. It didn’t surprise you that you didn’t notice mostly because you knew it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about so you didn’t press it, you thought you were being respectful especially since you had things you didn’t want to talk about. You knew what you had to do after this and it would hurt some people that you didn’t want to. You grabbed Severus’s upper arm and pulled him back to the castle, you attempted to be quiet when entering the castle but you were furious. Somehow the two of you were not caught and when you entered the common room you let go of his arm, probably more harshly than you’d been planning originally to. 

“How dare you Severus”

“You’re the one that’s been shagging a werewolf!”

“I never had sex with Remus and I was never going to because I respected you”

Severus’s face fell a little, it was like he was surprised that the blow didn’t hit as hard as expected. 

“Severus, I didn’t know about any of this. James was the one who got me to come save you.”

“I didn’t need saving.”

You started up the stairs but paused fishing into your pocket, you threw a chocolate frog at Severus “Happy late Birthday Severus, I’m done with dealing with you tonight.” You didn’t wait to see his reaction but at least it was just a confused one. 

After showering, you face planted into your pillow, you intended to sleep your frustrations away. While you did attempt, you woke up feeling sick to your stomach causing you to miss breakfast though this was becoming a regular occurrence. When you finally went downstairs to go get your knapsack you saw Professor McGonagall, you approached her and asked her if Remus was back from his trip she told you no not yet. You thanked her and went to the greenhouse, keeping busy by doing all of the terrible chores you always neglected. When you left you were sweaty, dirty, and without any more tears left to cry, you were so very tired. After dinner, you showered twice before going to bed, you felt dirty. You’d gone to breakfast but only grabbed a few pieces of toast before heading off to the greenhouse again so you didn’t even have the time to look for Severus or the Marauders. 

Remus was waiting for you when you’d gotten to the greenhouses. His face seemed confused and in pain but you weren’t sure why or which part he was focusing on. You gave him a hug where he squeezed you tightly, like you were going to float away if he didn’t hold you tight enough. When he let go, you unlocked the door and let him in before you, you closed the door behind you and placed a charm on the door preventing anyone from listening in on the conversation. 

You sat across from each other on stools, Remus looked around while you just watched him. 

“What do you want to know first?”

“A couple of nights ago, what was that with Severus?”

You opened your mouth to speak but closed it again, where would you even start with that “Abraxas came here to see Dumbledore and Severus was warning me.”

“So Severus knows Abraxas?”

You looked at him, he knew you couldn’t confirm what he was asking you too. “Yes, he’s friends with Lucius.”

He nodded, you knew he wanted to ask why Abraxas had come but he refrained. “Did he…” He moved his hand in a way that x hurting you. 

“No, I barely talked to him.” That was a part of the truth and avoiding the elephant in the room was not fun.

“Are you a death eater?” This question came a little out of left field though the answer was pretty simple.

“No. I am not a death eater and I never will be. You know I have no choice to associate with them considering my… living arrangements... but I promise I am not.”

Remus seemed exhausted from the days before, you didn’t blame him. “Why did you never ask me about where I was going once a month? Did you not care enough about me to notice?”

You pressed your lips together and placed your hands on your knees. “I just didn’t want to pry where I wasn’t wanted. I really thought your mother was sick and I just don't know, my parents are dead so I just kind of assumed all parents were sore subjects. I didn’t notice the signs because I was enjoying life with you and I didn’t want to bother my time with anything else.”

“Did Severus not tell you his suspicions or anything?”

You shook your head “I don't talk to him about anything other than school.”

“Why did you come save him?”

“Because I don’t want anyone to get hurt, especially you.”

“Remus, could you please kiss me just once.”, he complied and stood up but hesitated, after a moment he continued and lifted your chin with a hand to meet your lips. It felt like it was entirely too short but also too long, you were going to miss him dearly. He sat back down with a thump, “I’m so sorry Remus.”

“Were you ever with him?” He seemed like he really didn’t want to be having this conversations or asking these questions, though you didn’t either.

“Absolutely not, I was never with him.”

“Then why-“ Remus stopped himself “Why did you say those things to him in the fall with Lily and why did you come to save him?”

“It’s complicated-“

“It’s complicated?! I didn’t know what was going to happen a couple of nights ago, James and Sirius did all of that without telling me.”

Your face started streaming with tears “I can’t be with you anymore Remus...”

“Is this about the werewolf thing-“ He reached out to touch your knee like he could change your mind if it was about that.

“It’s the same reason why I can’t fall in love with you and I can’t let you fall in love with me!” You balled your hands into tight fists hoping you’d suddenly die and you wouldn’t have to explain it to him.

“It’s too late for that!”

Your face dropped “Remus we could never have a life together or get married-“

“Why not? Is it Abraxas?”

“It’s because I have to marry Severus, I have no choice.” It took all that was in you to not break down crying, this wasn’t how you wanted this to go down. You didn’t even see the horror on his face when the words registered in his head.

“You don’t have to-“

“I am contractually obligated Remus.” You were talking vibrantly with your hands at this point.

“Why did you-“

“I didn’t agree to it! Neither did he, it was all Abraxas.”

“We can find a way to get you out of it, James’s family has influence at the ministry, we can find a way..”

“Remus do you know who owns me? It’s not actually Abraxas.”

He paused, “You said you weren’t a death eater.”

“I’m not. If I want out of Abraxas’s grip then I have to do this, I cannot escape if I don’t.”

“We could hide you.” 

“And then what? I hide for the rest of my life in fear that Voldemort or any of his followers may find me and…” You wiped your face of tears. “Do you know what they would do to me for abandoning the people who allowed me to live?” 

Remus was quiet; he didn’t know how deep it had actually run. He was running back through everything trying to find a loophole, a gap, anything that could help the two of you.

“Remus I am so sorry I never thought it would become this, I thought-“

“What? That you could play with my feelings and it’d all be okay when it ended?”

“I thought you would’ve gotten bored of me by now.”

“I never got bored of you, you were perfect for me.”

“I’ve never lost feelings for you Remus, I would do this unless I had to.” You desperately wanted to hug him but you couldn’t. “All of your secrets are safe with me if mine are with you.”

“Are you going to get with him now?”

“We might have to start acting like that but I do not like him and he does not like me. I promise I’m not doing this because I have feelings for the greasy bastard.” That earned you a half laugh from Remus.

“What do we do now?”

“I can still be your friend and tutor you, if you want but other than that I guess stay away from each other for the time being.”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“I know but Remus please this is bigger than myself.” Your face scrunched up in pain. “I know James and Sirius are upset with me but you know the truth.” 

“I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“You mean the world to me Remus I hope you know that. I will always be on your side.” He nodded in response and stood up, you followed his lead. “If you have any questions that’ll help you just ask me or I can show you.” 

He walked to the door and put his hand on the handle; when the door opened the silencing charm will be broken. He turned to you one last time “I love you”, before he kissed you quickly.

“I love you too Remus.” He gave a half smile and opened the door, you didn’t hear anyone outside of the greenhouse but he left without turning back to you. This was a terrible conversation to have in a place you loved. You did the chores and let yourself “accidentally” be cut on the arm by the leaves of a semi-poisonous plant. You didn’t want to hurt yourself or die but you could go to Madam Pomfrey and have some quiet time without the obligation of dinner.

When you got to the hospital wing the cut was quite swollen so Madam Pomfrey let you stay overnight to make sure it was healed properly though you think she knew why you were so willing to stay. You left early the next morning so you could get changed and ready for classes before breakfast. Thankfully you encountered no one on the way over and breakfast seemed calm though you didn’t look at where the boys normally sat for breakfast. You didn’t feel like you needed to cry, you’d already cried over the situation many times and with this last development you felt more at peace. Well safer to be honest, you didn’t have to hide a whole relationship from Abraxas or any of his spies and you didn’t have to worry about Severus tattling on you. You were basically free from the drama the Marauders and Severus put you through but it was much shorter lived than you wanted.


	6. Valentine's Day Party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be the last chapter for a couple of days, I need to figure out what I'm doing with the plot.

You made it to before dinner before that sentiment came back to bite you in the ass. Severus stopped you in the corridor before dinner started.

“Are the rumors true? Did you really tell him you loved him and then break up with him?”

“Does it matter to you? Also how did you already hear about it?’

“Did you tell Remus you loved him?”

You were a bit upset on how much he was pushing this. “What does it matter what I said to him?”

He kept going at it “I have a right to know!”

You didn’t see it but the whole Marauders squad was walking down the hall towards the two of you. You decided to fuck it and yell at him, “I’m not your rebound from Lily! Stop bothering me about this!”

You turned and headed towards the Great Hall entrance again, he yelled back at you “Stop being a bitch about this!” 

Hot angry tears rolled down your cheeks as you noticed the group of boys approaching, Sirius and James looked like they were about to lose it. You quickly ducked into the Great Hall wiping your tears on your robe, if they were going to fuck with Severus it wasn’t your issue anymore. 

Rumors spread around the school very quickly, though you thought you knew who was behind most of them. Your roommates finally cornered you and went over every single one, they weren’t really even aware you’d been in a relationship with Remus Lupin they really thought you were just being weird. Fair enough on their part. The main ones that were really bothersome were the ones about you specifically leaving Remus for Severus, this is the one your roommates were grossed out by, the others about you being jealous or just a bitch you could handle. You wanted to go to McGonagall about this but you weren’t sure how she’d even handle it. You didn’t have to worry about it for long because she pulled you after class to speak with you, this was the first time you’d spoken to her in her office.

“Do you know why I asked you to stay after class today?”

“Is it the rumors Professor?”

She nodded, “I caught Sirius Black trying to distribute pamphlets with a number of claims about you last night. What really started all of this Miss L/N?”

“I had to break up with Remus Lupin after I found out” you gestured with your hands that you knew a lot if not everything “because-” paused to think of what to touch on from that night if at all “if my parents found out I would be in trouble for dating.”

McGonagall raised both of her eyebrows at the new information that you knew about the whole werewolf thing “You can tell no other student of this Miss L/N.” She did mentally pause at the mention of parents since she knew Abraxas was taking care of you but didn’t want to talk about that now.

“I swear I have told no one and I will never tell anyone, that's why the rumors are starting to get to be too much.” You rubbed your hands together nervously. 

“Sirius and James have detention for a month for those pamphlets, do you suspect Mr. Lupin or Mr. Pettigrew is involved as well?”

“No ma’am, Remus has some secrets of mine as well so I don’t think he’d risk it. I just don’t want them to continue.”

McGonagall nodded and let you go, you seemed genuine to her so she wasn’t sure why things didn’t seem to add up. But 16 year olds were always up to nothing good and as long as their drama stayed out of the classroom, she could normally handle it. 

It seems as if you couldn’t shake Severus Snape off of your foot. He was obviously still upset over his loss of Lily and was still attempting to get her back, but he started following you around like a puppy. You found this terribly odd because the last couple interactions with him hadn’t gone well and he wasn’t even really talking to you. He’d sit near you at meals which was fine, he was a part of your house so he could do whatever and in potions he’d been sitting closer to you. You weren’t sure if this was his way of apologizing or what. You did know that this probably pissed off Remus and the boys because all they saw was Severus pining over you so soon after the breakup, you decided to write him a letter if he wasn’t going to talk to you.

During lunch a Wednesday in the second week of February you were sitting alone. Your roommates who’d been sitting with you regularly had a test in the same class that they were preparing for. You’d brought a book with you so when Severus sat across from you at the table you really didn’t recognize it was him before you spoke.

“Hey” You didn’t look up at your new lunchmate, you wanted to finish your page. 

“I need your help” Well apparently fuck your page because it was Severus Snape asking for your help, you looked up to him carefully putting the book away.

“With what?” If it was a herbology lesson you had no problem doing that, you’d do that for just about anyone in this school.

Severus lowered his voice a bit, “Slughorn he’s hosting a Valentine's party for the Slug Club and I..”

“What do you want me to help with? An outfit, Lily?” You cocked an eyebrow at him, what was he planning on doing at that party.

“No- I uh need you to come with me.” Severus was obviously flustered but not because he had a crush on you but something else you couldn’t pinpoint.

“Why? Are you trying to make Lily jealous?” 

“No, I need you to distract Slughorn so I can talk to her that night.”

You chuckled “How do you know that Lily will even go and be alone?”

“I just know okay!” Severus looked a little upset by your perfectly reasonable questioning “Well. will you go with me or not?”

You nodded, “Yes I will, will you let me know the dress code and time this week?” He nodded and fucked off to wherever he came from, probably with those wanna be death eaters.

That night you sat down in the common room to write out the letter to Remus. You wanted to pour your heart out but you knew it might fall into other hands so you couldn’t so you wrote what you could.

_____________  
Remus Lupin,

I apologize for not writing this earlier, I didn’t have the right words to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for the situation at hand. My parents continue to owl me with expectations and reminders of family rules so I feel like I do not have a choice in the matter of our relationship further. Please note that all of my affection was always towards you and hopefully always will be. I miss you and again I am terribly sorry it happened this way. If you no longer want to hear from me or be a friend of mine, just don’t respond to this letter. I know what things may look like but please know that I am doing my best.

F/N L/N  
__________

You scrawled his name onto the envelope and walked over to the common room. You gave it to a first year to give to him and went back to the common room. You’d hope he’d at least read it but if he didn’t, well you tried.

Valentine's day turned out to be a Saturday this year so you didn’t have a lot of time to get prepared for the party. You found a dress Abraxas hadn’t approved of in the bottom of the wardrobe and knew this was the time to wear it, it was a black and green short mod dress with long sleeves and round neckline. The print was an abstract geometric pattern that almost looked like bricks, it was dark but fun, and it was also a dress that didn’t yell sex since that wasn’t the image you wanted going with Severus. You had a lot of silver jewelry and black ankle strapped heels that added the right amount of you to the look. You smiled at yourself in the mirror but it quickly faded as you had forgotten who was taking you, heading down stairs you saw Severus sitting in a chair quite nervous. He didn’t even look at you but when he heard you he headed for the door, he was way too up in his head. You met him at the door, you raised your eyebrows because you had no idea where Slughorn's office was. Severus took a second but then realized and led the way, he looked like he was sweating.

“Severus you’re not going to have a heart attack when we get up there right?”

Severus turned his head to look at you, his eyes didn’t seem to exist in the dark hallways. “I am fine.”

You scrunched your face in disagreement but carried on, you were planning on having fun if possible. When you entered the room it was beautifully, well artistically, and you were glad to see everyone there was someone you generally recognized. Slughorn himself was busy talking to a 7th year Hufflepuff so you grabbed some drinks and walked over to two Slytherin boys who you recognized from your Ancient Runes class. You handed a drink to Severus who was so nervous you really thought he was going to pass out. You saw Lily Evans out of the corner of your eye talking to another Gryffindor you recognized but didn’t know the name of, you elbowed Severus who seemed to be staring. You talked to the boys for a while with Severus, being Severus, before you went to talk to a Ravenclaw girl you knew from doing chores with in the greenhouse. You weren't going to drag Severus with you, so you were a little surprised when he followed you wordlessly. 

After a while Slughorn spotted Severus and you, he beelined towards the two of you, so your Ravenclaw friend noped the hell right out of that conversation. 

“Mister Snape! Oh and Miss L/N!” Slughorn looked very surprised to see you here, he probably did not know of the Severus and Lily split. “I’m so glad you’re here, are you having a good time?”

You took the lead in talking, for obvious reasons “Yes! This is absolutely wonderful Professor, I’m so glad Severus invited me to come with him. He always talks wonders of you.”

Slughorn looked shocked in your response and you could almost feel an elbow digging into your back which you delightfully ignored. “I am very surprised Mister Snape speaks positively of anything other than… well you know.” He was insinuating Lily but you ignored that as well. His face turned more to you and you knew Severus was going to dip at any point. “Miss L/N remind me what your parents do again.”

“Well they’re dead” You delighted in his facial change, it was always fun to mess with people who assumed everyone's parents are alive. “But I was adopted by Abraxas Malfoy shortly after that happened, do you remember Abraxas?” And like that Severus was gone from your side without being noticed.

Slughorn's face lit up, “Yes, I do! He was a terribly good student, is he still at the ministry?”

“Yes and Lucius is now there as well.” 

“Do you plan on going into the ministry after your education here?”

“I do, I plan to work for the department of magical accidents and catastrophes while I get my own farm set up. I want to breed incredible plants that I can sell to St Mungos and other magical hospitals.” This was mostly a lie but whatever gets Slughorn going long enough for Severus to say what he needs to say. 

“Oh that's wonderful. I hope I am not being rude when I ask you this but did your parents leave you anything when they passed?”

“Well” you hushed your tone a little so he would have to move in closer, “let’s say that the vault is fine but the houses are the ones that make it all worth it. There’s a Chateau near Saint Tropez that I would love for you to visit if you ever get the chance, I think you would find it quite appealing.” You were making a good impression, you assumed because he seemed to be quite happy to talk to you. Being a part of the slugclub wasn’t something you were super interested in but if that meant free drinks and a few meals for the next few years you were not opposed to being a part of his collection. 

“Ah I will have to take you up on that in a few years Miss L/N” The conversation fizzled out but you were happy with it and continued to smile at him.

You glanced around the room unable to see Severus so you excused yourself to go find your date, Slughorn laughed behind you and told you that you knew what you were going to find. As hopeful as you maybe you were not going to find Severus Snape hooking up with Lily Evans, there was never a situation where you ever thought that was going to happen. You searched the room and then decided to check the corridors outside but again you didn’t find anything. So you searched for the nearest bathroom that happened to be the prefect's 5th floor bathroom, you went to the sink and splashed some water on your face, your head felt weirdly full. 

The door opened behind you, “You can’t be in here-” the voice said behind you.

“I’m sorry it was the closest one to Slughorn's office.” You turned around without thinking and it was Remus.

“I didn’t know you were in slugclub.”

“I’m not” You paused because you weren’t sure you wanted to say this next part. “Severus brought me, he wanted me to distract Slughorn so he could talk to Lily.”

Remus’s face was full of emotion at each keyword. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know, he went to go talk to her and I couldn’t find them. That’s how I ended up here.”

Remus nodded and paused, “I got your letter a few days ago”

“Are you mad at me for that? I-”

He cut you off “No I just didn’t know how to respond, especially since James and Sirius started all of those rumors..”

“I knew you weren’t involved with those, I trust you Remus.”

He smiled and looked over your body, it was the first time he’d seen you dressed up, “A Valentine's Day party and that’s what you’re wearing?” He poked fun of you and it felt so good.

“Yes, this is what was in my closet. What would you have me wear?” You teased back, you didn’t double think it you couldn’t or the interaction would not be as fun. 

Remus closed the gap between the two of you and took both of your hands in his. It was like nothing had ever happened. “Well of course I would love to see you in something red, you’re always wearing green.” His smile was terribly wide, “And I would love to see some gold jewelry on you too.”

You laughed and fake frowned “Do you really not like what I’m wearing?” Those drinks were getting to you a little bit. “Is it not short enough?”

Remus did not waste time kissing you. He pushed you back up against the sink and moved his hands, his left hand went to your thigh and his right hand went to the side of your face to pull you in closer. You deepened the kiss and he moved his right hand to your neck. The two of you did spend a majority of the school year kissing in places you didn’t belong so this felt right compared to everything else happening. He dropped his right hand to your leg and hoisted you up onto the sink, you wrapped your legs around his waist loosely. After wrapping your arms around his neck, Remus grasped at your sides while slipping his hand under your dress. His hands weren’t searching as he just grabbed your thigh but it was still inside of your dress. He kept increasing the stakes, his other hand continued to roam more confidently than since September.

Severus had gone searching for you after his failed attempt to apologize and win back Lily, the Slytherins you had talked to earlier told him to go for the corridors. When he heard noises coming from the bathroom he thought the worst. Then he saw you pushed up against a sink kissing Remus Lupin who had a hand up your dress, he felt sick to his stomach, hadn’t you broken up with him nearly a month ago. Why had you gone back to him?

Severus casted a knockback jinx, Remus was physically ripped from you and his body hit the giant bathtub while you were knocked off the sink hitting the floor quite harshly. You cried out in pain and looked to Remus who was thankfully still awake, he was grabbing for his wand so you looked to the bathroom door. It took you a minute to realize it was Severus who was now just standing there, you caught your breath and sat up. 

“What the hell!” Remus was the first to call out.

“Just because you can’t get laid doesn’t mean I can’t either!” You called out after him.

Severus just stood there. It looked like he had just caught you cheating on him but you weren’t with him, you were barely friends. You got up and looked over at Remus who was at least sitting up now, you went and grabbed Severus by the lapel pulling him into the hallway. You were still trying to catch your breath and you were furious. You pushed him hard down the hallway away from you.

“You could’ve hurt us!”

“He deserves it!” 

“For what!”

Severus was for lack of a better term acting like a nonce at the moment. You were upset by the fact that he had used magic to not just separate the two of you but hurt Remus who had done nothing wrong at all. 

“He just did!”

“Severus, you brought me here to help wingman you for Lily. I was not under the impression that we were together in any way, shape, or form. What did I do to deserve that kind of treatment from you?!”

“You’re with me!” Severus was not acting himself.

You brought your voice down lower “No I’m not. Just because I am legally bound to you doesn’t mean I am with you or have feelings for you! You have to work for that Severus, I’m not just going to wake up someday in love with you.” You were absolutely disgusted with him and he just seemed so unphased. He could have just yelled at you and Remus but he had to make Remus fly to get a point across. It was unacceptable, and you knew entirely who convinced him things like this were okay. 

You shook your head in disgust and went back into the bathroom where Remus had gotten up but was leaning against the sink. You asked him if he wanted you to walk him down to his common room but he told you it was fine, you smiled and left knowing this was going to be a problem later on. You went back to your dorm without talking to Severus, you need to sleep this off.


	7. Important discussions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter since I wasn't sure how to fit it all in together, it also is taking me way more chapters to get through 5th year than I was expecting. Y'all will get your smut soon I'm sorry it's taking this long.

The next morning you were feeling okay, a little stressed but after some reflecting you knew that incident meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. If Remus wanted to hook up after breaking up that’s fine as long as he knew that you two couldn’t get back together. Severus on the other hand was a tough nut to crack because you had no idea what was going through his terrible little mind of his. You’d become friends after the tunnel incident and you were trying to help him win back Lily when he physically hurt Remus because of you. Was he jealous because he liked you or just generally because there wasn’t anyone who wanted to hook up with him. If he’d wanted to start approaching an actual relationship then why hadn’t he just said so, it wasn’t like you could really say no. 

The next morning everything seemed normal, Severus was nowhere to be seen as usual and the Marauders were doing their normal thing. It was kind of peaceful though you did know you had the problem of Severus Snape on your hands. That day finished into night and still nothing, though you did have something new to think about at night before bed. Days turned into weeks and everything seemed normal, you weren’t interacting with either of the previously mentioned parties but everything was working out well. You were getting through classes like usual, when Slughorn decided to invite you to a Slugclub dinner at the end of March. You hesitantly agreed knowing who would be in attendance but at least you knew it’d be a fun meal with probably no death eaters in attendance. 

It was terribly awkward at the dinner, you’d been sat next to Severus but Lily was sitting across from the two of you meaning a stare down was in effect. Lily stared at you, you assumed not because of anything you’d done but better than looking at Severus, Severus stared at Lily while you stared at your plate. The vibe in the room was uncomfortable and Slughorn wasn’t helping that. You see when you mentioned your parents were dead to Slughorn you didn’t realize he would bring it up again and very few people in the school knew. So when Slughorn asked you “Miss L/N, what did your parents do before they died?” You were so caught off guard you choked on the bite you’d just taken. It took you a minute to catch your breath but when you looked at all the faces in the room they were quite shocked to hear the news, Lily seemed especially shocked but you didn’t want to dive into that.

“Oh well I’m not exactly sure sir, I know they worked for the Ministére des Affaires Magiques de la France but after they moved to England and had me I don’t remember.” This response to Slughorn had a lot of moving parts you needed to pray to work together. You really don’t remember a lot about your parents, you hadn’t seen pictures of them in years and it was coming up on a decade since they had died. You could assume that they fled France and found refuge with Tom Riddle, but you could also assume they moved for any reason and did anything while here. Mentioning the french ministry of magic in french was also something you’d hope he’d focus on rather than any of the other factors. 

“Were they french?” Slughorn pressed, only slightly phased by your coughing fit 

“Yes” That was a lie, you didn’t know that “My mom was from Nice and my father from Paris.”

“How did Abraxas know them?” You almost choked again, why the hell was Slughorn bringing this up. Severus pressed his knee against yours, you hoped that meant he knew this was a bit too far for questioning. 

Out of the corner of your eye you saw Lily shift in her seat. The people at the dinner were 3 Ravenclaw 6th years, Severus and yourself, Lily and a 7th year Gryffindor. None of them except for Severus, Lily, and yourself had any care about your home life so you were generally safe but you really did not want to be talking about your home life at all. You didn’t want to risk anything especially with Abraxas being so volatile to anything that came out of your mouth. “No, he didn’t.” He definitely did, “I didn’t have any family here so he was kind enough to volunteer to take me in when the ministry asked.”

“Isn’t that wonderful.” Slughorn smiled and turned away to another student, you relaxed into your seat thankful that it was over with. Severus pressed his knee into yours again, you assumed he was checking in on you or at least you hoped he was, you pressed back and put your left hand on his knee. Severus looked at you when you put your hand on his knee and you retracted your hand, you were just trying to reassure him that it was all good.

The meal finished out and everyone moved over to the couches where you ended up sitting next to Lily, which was less than ideal but at least it wasn’t Severus. Severus had snagged a single armchair much further away from the two of you though he was staring at the two of you. You turned your body towards Lily, you really wanted to focus on not him. 

“Lily, do you listen to records when you go home in the summers?”

The question puzzled her as friendly which she wasn’t expecting for a plethora of reasons which was pretty reasonable. “Yes, my parents got me a record player after 3rd year.”

You lightly smiled “Do you like the Bee Gees? I’m not able to listen to much record music but I absolutely love them.”

“I really enjoy them as well. They’re having a concert in London this summer, you should try to go they’re really fun.” Lily seemed more comforted with the second question you raised with her. You assumed she had some not pleasant assumptions about you, which you could see would make her hesitant to talk to you. 

You paused because how the fuck were you going to get out of talking about your summer isolations. “I wish I could but family obligations you know.” That was probably the least smooth response you could’ve produced. 

“I’m sorry for mentioning it again tonight but I didn’t know you lost your parents, I thought I heard you talking about them with the boys.” She seemed genuinely concerned or something of the sort. 

“Oh well yeah, I don’t really like talking about it. It was just easier not to.” You shrugged and put your hands in your lap. This was absolutely the truth, you didn’t like talking about it because too many questions came out of mentioning it.

“I hope you don’t think I thought you were lying, I know how hard families are to talk about. You seemed really uncomfortable when Slughorn brought it up, I’m surprised he pressed for more information.”

“They died when I was 7 so I’m not upset about it anymore but the other parts about it do bother me a bit.”

The two of you went quiet, there were a lot of unsaid things between you two and you weren’t sure if you wanted to address it. The pause was long but when Lily spoke up again, she turned her body in a way that shielded the conversation from Severus’s prying eyes. 

“I’ve been wanting to ask for a while, in the fall why did you say those things to him?”

You paused and pressed your lips together. You didn’t know how much she knew through Severus and you were planning on telling everything if she knew nothing. “I know he didn’t mean what he said and I’m not excusing it, the blood purity ideas Avery pumps into him don’t even apply to him so he needed to be knocked down as well.”

“Did you know that Remus’s mom was a muggle when you said that?”

You nodded, “I did. I just wanted to make sure nothing else physically happened, I thought he’d listen to me more than the boys since I’m a fellow Slytherin.”

Lily looked away from you but not at Severus, she was uncomfortable and that made you uncomfortable. “Do you know what happened at the Valentines party?”

You internally gave a half laugh because you thought of your fun romp with Remus before remembering what Severus did to the two of you. “No, I had left by the time he’d went too find you.”

Lily looked back to you and moved her head closer, “It was like he’d gone mad, he was crying and begging, it was terrible. I don’t know how many times I can tell him that I won’t be his friend anymore.”

You scrunched your face in sympathy and were hesitate to tell her this but you felt as if you had to, “that night I was snogging Remus” her face changed greatly with the information “I know but Severus attacked us, he used a knockback jinx and hurt the both of us.”

Her face was horrified, though your admittance to snogging Remus after your almost public breakup was a separate interesting reaction. “I had no idea, Remus never mentioned it. Though I could see why he might not want to mention it.”

“I’m sorry, if I would have known what he was going to do I would’ve never gone with him.”

“Just don’t let him manipulate you like he did me.” Lily frowned but turned away as Slughorn started announcing something. Your thoughts drowned out anything Slughorn was saying, You didn’t have a choice on whether you were going to be with Severus or not but you needed to find a way to avoid what happened with Lily. You weren’t jealous of Lily, they had been childhood friends long before you’d really even met either of them and you didn’t want to break their friendship up even with the upcoming situation at hand. Yet you had to stop Severus’s obsession with Lily who was done with him if you had any chance of making an actual relationship work.

You left the dinner alone following the Ravenclaws who wanted time to study before they slept, you felt bad leaving Lily alone with Severus but you just had to figure this out by yourself. You took a detour to get a little bit of fresh air before bed so it took you a good while to get back to the common room. You were surprised, well you really weren’t surprised at this point, to see Severus sitting on a chair seemingly waiting for you. You signed and went to sit down on the couch across from her, it was so late at this point that there was no one in the common room or probably even awake. 

“Severus” You said slumping into the couch, “I don’t know if I can handle this anymore.”

“What did Lily talk to you about?” Severus said so quickly it was headache inducing/

You threw your head back onto the couch, of course he would open with that, “This is what I’m talking about, Severus you have to stop going after Lily, she told me she would never be your friend again.”

When the silence went on a little too long you lifted your head to see Severus openly crying to you, “You don’t get it she is my only friend I have to-”

You cut him off “Have I not been kind to you? I know we aren’t exactly friends but I think I’ve saved you more than a couple of times.”

“Lily is the only person who has been unconditionally kind to me-”

“Yeah and you messed that up, you have got to get that through your mind. We don’t have to be best friends or really get into a relationship but we have to trust each other. If Abraxas sees you falling on your knees for Lily, what do you think he’ll do to me?”

“Why would I care what he does to you?”

You put your head back against the couch and put your hands on your face. “Say I go to Dumbledore and tell him all about the death eaters kidnapping me, Abraxas abusing me for years, and our arranged marriage. Would you care then?”

Severus stiffened, he didn’t know the extent of your childhood situation even though you had talked before about it. There was that aspect and also the death eater aspect, he needed to join them after Hogwarts it was the only way…. “You can’t do that.”

“You can’t keep harassing Lily!”

“You can’t keep seeing Remus!”

“I haven’t seen him since that night and that was even planned! It just happened!”

“People don’t let their ex’s stick their hands up their dresses!”

“Oh now you’re morality police” You sat up “We broke up because of you, if I want to shag someone I have feelings with before we’re married I think I have the right to.”

“You said-”

“That I respect you enough to not shag him?” You threw your hands up, “I respect you as a person Severus but will we ever really be partners in a romantic relationship, I don’t see that happening with the current events.”

Severus’s face fell in a way you weren’t expecting, “x”

You sighed heavily “The only person it seems you will ever love is Lily, why is it terrible of me to assume I won’t be happy in a marriage like that.”

He’d stopped crying at his point and lowered his voice, “I don’t want that.”

“Am I someone you could actually fall in love with or do we just need to work it out another way?”

“I think so.”

“You have to stop bothering Lily, seriously. Get over her because I am not her and I will never be her.”

“You can’t get with Remus.”

“Deal then?” You leaned forward and stuck your hand out to him. Severus was hesitant because what you were agreeing to affected him the most or so he assumed. After a minute he shook your hand and you sat back into the couch. “I just want to be happy Severus.” 

He went to stand up but hesitated “How did you know about my birthday?”

You smiled, the answer was simple “Lucius”, You knew a chocolate frog wasn’t the best gift but it was all you had to offer.

Severus nodded and got up, you closed your eyes and when you opened them back up he was gone. The common room was peaceful and you were so tired, it took you awhile to move from your position but you eventually made your way up to your dorm. You weren’t thrilled by the prospect of dating Severus but if you were going to not suffer the next 5 years then you were going to have to at least try.


	8. James & Sirius.

Things continued how they were before, Remus wasn’t ignoring or avoiding you but just wasn’t friendly and you’d accepted that. Lily was more friendly to you generally but the two of you hadn’t talked or really interacted since that night. Severus was just being a weird loner severus and you weren’t going to even try to figure that out. You started going to Quidditch matches with your roommates to pass the time and to stay out of the way, between the greenhouse and Quidditch you were nearly impossible to catch alone. Severus slowly started his puppy act, standing very close to you when he was with you and sitting near but not with you at meals. You noticed that Severus had an increasing amount of marks, cuts, and bruises on him when you saw him. You assumed that the bullying and attacks from the boys were increasing but you didn’t want to get involved, you didn’t even know what to do that wouldn’t hurt either party. 

Until it happened in May, you had Ancient Runes with James and Sirius who had left you alone after the rumor incident. Class had ended on a warm May day and you were collecting your things when you heard someone say “pullus”behind you. You felt a shock and you realized someone had turned you into a goddamn chicken. You don’t really remember much but you assumed someone transformed you back as you were flat on the floor. You stood up and collected your things, you were going to give the person the satisfaction of seeing you upset over it. You just didn’t address it, you didn’t want to stir anything up.

The next time it happened you were headed downstairs from Divination when you passed James, you didn’t think anything of it until you heard him whisper and all of a sudden you were tumbling down the stairs. You nicked your head on the corner of a stair so you had started bleeding by the time you had stopped tumbling, thankfully everything in your bag had stayed inside so you were able to just get up and walk away. It wasn’t worth it to pick a fight with someone who wouldn’t stop.

The third time was later that week when Sirius had trapped you in a bubble, a teacher having to reverse the jinx for you to get out. You wanted to tell Remus but you knew deep down that he probably already knew, and why would he care about it since you weren’t together anymore? Deciding it was best just to figure it out on your own, you just took it in stride and went to lunch without a word. If you retaliated you assumed Abraxas would hear about it and the more questions he asked the more he would know, you really didn’t need him knowing you’d continued dating Remus up until January. You were so tired but there was nothing you could do about it. 

The pranks stopped for a week after the 3rd time for one reason or another, maybe they had so much detention they didn’t have time for that. You felt safe walking down the corridors alone at this point, so after greenhouse chores you decided to head for the library. Of course it was when you’d let your guard down the most that you encountered Sirius and James walking towards you, you weren’t sure if this was planned but you were dreading what was going to happen next. You had no idea why they had started to pick on you after all this time, why now of all time especially when you really weren’t even associating yourself with Severus outside of class and meals. What you weren’t prepared for was for one of them to use a knockback jinx on you, send you flying. You hit the ground in a weird twisted position and you felt your ribs crack, they were definitely broken you didn’t have to feel it. The pain was non-existent at first but when you took a deep breath you felt the searing sensation and couldn’t help but cry out. You tried to stay still since Abraxas had broken ribs before so you knew it would hurt worse if you moved. You clinched your hands into fists as the first of the tears started flowing, you waited to see if the boys would come to you but nothing so you assumed they had left. You gently touched your rib cage feeling where the broken bone was pressing up against the skin, you almost passed out from that alone. You knew you shouldn’t get up or sit up without help, so you were stuck there until someone came to help you. It was a few minutes when you heard running footsteps come down the corridor towards you, your head was quite foggy so the voices were kind of mushed together and unidentifiable. 

It was Severus and Professor McGonagall who had seen the boys running from the corridor, knowing that them running meant they were up to no good; they went in the direction the boys had just fled. They had walked but when they saw you laying there they started running, Severus was obviously distressed which surprised McGonagall but it wasn’t the time to digest that. 

“Oh dear, what happened to you” McGonagall had kneeled down next to you, she hadn’t touched you just in case.

You had your eyes open but you weren’t fully comprehending everything, you turned your head to the professor. “My ribs” you moved your hand to touch the area but she stopped your hand. 

McGonagall untucked your shirt and unbuttoned your shirt with her wand. Severus had kneeled down on the other side of you, he wanted to help but couldn’t. When McGonagall revealed the injury, Severus almost looked like he’d pass out, there were two ribs that had snapped and were pressing against the skin. She pressed her lips together and sighed heavily, those boys had seriously injured you even if you had started it, the harm done wasn’t okay. She got up and told Severus to get back before levitating you so you wouldn’t have to stand, both of them walked quickly to the hospital wing.

It was the day after the full moon and Remus Lupin was also in the hospital wing getting treated for some injuries he’d sustained during the transformation. He watched as McGonagall floated you in with your shirt slightly open followed by Severus. Madam Pomfrey abandoned Remus for you making sure you were in the correct position on the bed before going to get a potion she would need. He was a little upset Severus was there with you but that ship had sailed a while ago, he heard McGonagall asking you questions though you sounded almost drunk. Hesitantly he walked over and saw your shirt full open after a few more steps he saw the rib situation, internally he cringed he really hoped it was from a greenhouse accident. 

You saw him before McGonagall or Severus noticed him and you gave him a thumbs up, the stress and pain were getting to your head. So you said something you really regretted. “At least it wasn’t Abraxas”, you gave a short laugh but that hurt you stopped and threw your head back on the pillow.

Remus and Severus stared at each other in almost horror, they knew individually how important it was for any of that part of your life to be revealed. McGonagall turned to Severus, “What did she just say?”

“I don’t know, I think she’s just delirious with pain.” Severus quickly quipped, still looking at Remus, he didn’t know how much Remus knew of all of it but he hoped he wouldn’t say anything. Madam Pomfrey pushed past Remus with a handful of supplies and the stare broke.

McGonagall didn’t notice the exact nature of the stare between the two boys but she did notice something was off about that statement. Madam Pomfrey made you choke down two different drinks right after another before starting on the bones themselves. 

Remus spoke up again “What happened to her?”

Severus growled under his breath but McGonagall turned to him. “We don’t know she hasn’t told us yet.” She had wanted to add a snarky remark about Remus’s friends most likely being the reason why. 

When Madam Pomfrey started working on the bones themselves you grabbed Severus’s hand as you felt them moving, it wasn’t painful anymore but the feeling was not pleasant. “I was walking to the library when James and Sirius hit me with a knockback jinx” you took a breath and squeezed your eyes shut for a moment “I hit the floor in a weird position.”

Remus was displeased at the hand holding but had to remind himself of the situational aspect of it. Madam Pomfrey was almost done and McGonagall was getting up since she would have to go get Dumbledore. Madam Pomfrey was leading Remus back over to where he had been before when you asked Remus, “Can you please ask them to stop harassing me, they’ve been going at it for weeks and I can’t handle it anymore.” Everyone seemed a little shocked at that, Severus had no idea that they had been bullying you, Remus knew only of the chicken incident, and McGonagall seemed to have something click in her head. Remus went with Madam Pomfrey and McGonagall went to get Dumbledore, so you were left mostly alone with Severus.

“You didn’t tell me” Severus had scooted his chair closer to your bed, you were still holding his hand but with a light grip now.

“I didn’t want anyone to know.” You were generally feeling overall pleasant, whatever Madam Pomfrey had forced down your throat had worked pretty quickly. 

Severus paused, there were things he could bring up now but wasn’t going to. “What does Remus know about the situation?”

“I have to marry you to be free from all of them.” You didn’t regret telling Remus, you knew that telling him was the least you could do. You felt great affection for Remus and you were deeply saddened about the way it had ended.

“Was that a good idea?”

“As much as marrying you is” You laughed to yourself and squeezed his hand.

“What if Abraxas finds out about this?”

You shook your head, “I’ll just have to figure it out when it comes down to it.’

Severus gave a weak smile and squeezed your hand back, it seemed like tonight would be a long night. 

A few minutes later Dumbledore came into the room trailed by Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout, Severus sat up in his seat and took away his hand. You didn’t blame him for that, he was a private person and having this be on display was a bit too much. All of the adults were a bit surprised to see the two of you holding hands, though McGonagall less so now. Dumbledore sat down at the foot of your bed and put a hand on your leg, his care seemed pretty genuine which was a surprise. You retold him your version of events and he nodded then asked Severus what he saw. By that point Dumbledore had waved off Professor McGonagall and Sprout so it could be the three of you, Remus had left by this point as well. 

“Miss L/N you know we will have to contact Abraxas about this incident..”

Severus stiffened in his seat, “Headmaster I beg you not to.” You weren’t saying as much as you could’ve but as much as you needed.

“He is your legal guardian and you were seriously injured while not in his care, you and I both know that I have to.” Dumbledore was probably letting on that he knew more than you were expecting but you elected to ignore than for your own sanity. 

“I don’t want him coming here, could you make sure of that? He doesn’t like seeing me injured, plus I don’t think James or Sirius meant to harm me this badly.”

“I can do that. For the boys on the other hand, I’ve seen what they’ve been doing to you and I’ve decided that in addition to detention for the rest of the year that James will be suspended off the Quidditch team and we will put Sirius on a watch that will get him sent home if he slips up again.”

You pressed your lips together and nodded. “I’m still worried they’ll retaliate against me either way.”

“Miss L/N, I know you have never fought back against them which is almost impressive considering what they did to you. I will ensure they cannot get close to you or harm you again.” Dumblebore smiled at you and you nodded, he patted your leg before standing up. “I will leave you too alone but Severus if Madam Pomfrey asks you to leave I would highly recommend doing it.” Dumbledore left and you turned to Severus.

You had no idea what was going to happen when Abraxas found out, it could be terrible or he could just not care at all. You weren’t which was worse. After a while the potions Madam Pomfrey had given you lulled you to sleep, it was peaceful and calm. When you woke up in the morning Severus was gone but Madam Pomfrey told you he’d stayed most of the night which made you smile, at least you had one person on your side. She still had things to do to ensure that you were all fixed up so you spent the day there, Severus came to see you during lunch and after classes. Madam Pomfrey was hesitant but let you go after dinner with the promise you would come see her in the morning. Severus had gone to your classes to get your work for you which you hadn’t asked for but appreciated the thought behind it. You went back to the dorms and showered before crashing hard.

It took a few days but you were mostly back on your feets and able to go back to your routine. Abraxas had only sent a letter to you letting you know that he would take care of the situation but he didn’t come to the school so you accepted it. Professor Sprout had cut the amount of work you were doing for her for the rest of the school year so mostly you were able to go and find Severus after class to annoy him. After dinner one night you headed back to the common room with Severus, again you found yourself alone because apparently everyone in your house was antisocial until it came to Quidditch. Severus sat down at one end of the couch so you took the chance to annoy him and laid down on the couch situating your head on his lap. He was unamused by your antics but didn’t move you and kept his hands away from you. You laughed as he figured out where to put his hands, he gave you a glare that only made you laugh harder. 

“Tell me Severus have you ever kissed a girl before?” You’d crossed your arms and looked up at him.

Severus stiffened at the question, were you really going to make fun of him for this right now? “No I haven’t. I don’t even have to ask the same question to you.”

You scrunched your face, something you were doing more often nowadays. “I was just asking Sev, plus it was one person.”

Severus had a couple of different options in responding but he went with the safest option “Why do you even ask?”

“I just want to know what you’ve done, you’re a private boy and I have to ask to know basic things about you.”

“Yet I know all about what you’ve done without asking.” Severus teased but it was a little more aggressive than that.

“Yeah because you’re all up in my business, no ones ever seen me naked or anything of the sort.”

“Somehow I doubt that after seeing the way Remus had his grubby little hands on you.”

“Oh really is that why you were jealous?” You shifted to a sitting position but you were still pretty sore so it was awkward. 

“I don’t know what you mean by jealous.” He put his hands out to stabilize you just in case but you were fine and now facing him. 

Your grin grew large and that made him sit back into the couch more, what in the world were you thinking up. “Oh really you’re telling me you’ve never had a girl touch you” You placed an incredibly brave hand onto his crotch “that you wanted to do that to a girl as well.”

Severus stiffened at your touch though his dick was immediately noticeable. “What are you getting at F/N?”

“Oh I’m just messing with you, I think that’s okay since we are engaged” You kept your hand where it was and remained where you were, you were going to make him squirm.

His dick twitched and that's when he knew he was in trouble. “Is this a prank?”

You shook your head, “No why would it be a prank, I’ve never pranked you before.” You put your left hand on his arm. 

Severus hesitated to speak again the way he looked at you made feel terrible, what had happened before. “Are you sure?

“Sev I’m doing this because I want to not because of anything else.”

His body softened at the reassurance but he was still tense, so you took the plunge and kissed him. This is the first time you had kissed him, it was odd because it wasn’t Remus and the fact that he had no idea what he was doing. He didn’t know where to put his hands and he was sloppy, it was definitely not a natural kiss. You barely shifted your right hand and he moaned into your mouth, he obviously was very touched deprived. So when you started moving your hand it wasn’t a huge surprise when all of a sudden he stopped your hand, you pulled away slightly and he was breathing heavily. 

“You okay?” You teased but you knew what you were doing.

The way Severus looked at you was completely different than before, “You’re going to make me…”

You gave a short laugh “Isn’t that the point?” You hadn’t really noticed how black his eyes were before now. He wasn’t entirely reassured by your response but let go of your hand. You kissed him again and put your hand back where it was earning you the squirms you set out to get earlier. 

It only took a few minutes but he was writhing in his spot so much so that you removed your mouth and attached it to his neck. This very quickly paid off when his body stuttered and he moaned directly into your ear which you found pretty hot, you kept moving your hand but he very quickly stopped you. 

You pulled away and looked at him, he was sweating and breathing rapidly, his expression was a bit odd and you couldn’t place it. “I can go if you want.”

Severus shook his head and pulled you into him, “Please don’t go.” So you stayed with him in a weird hug for half an hour before pulling away. 

“I’m really tired. I'm going to go to bed but I don’t regret doing this.” His smile was very faint but you took it, you carefully stood up and he followed. Going up the stairs he followed you, you stopped on your landing so did he which you weren’t expecting. You turned to him and he just seemed to be so lost, you kissed him softly before telling him goodnight and heading into your dorm. 

Severus seemed so lost at the act of physical affection which you weren’t exactly expecting but he had never dated Lily so their interactions were probably generic. You wanted to get past the issues this year had created and try to give the relationship a shot but there were other factors too. The fact that he was hanging around Avery was still a problem and the fact that he wanted to be a death eater, plus Lily. These were major issues that were going to directly affect how you handled the next few years. If you wanted to be in a relationship with him you would have to get over the blood purity thing, you weren’t having children with him so it wasn’t going to be much of an issue. Lily on the other hand, he could probably never get over her and that would bother you if the relationship would be more than a few years long. Hopefully if things came to it you could focus on your business and maybe ignore those issues.

Laying in bed that night you knew that when you said you didn’t regret it it was because he would literally have a panic attack about it if you didn’t. But did you really mean that? Taking the next steps like tonight meant you were going to have to commit to a plan soon and you weren’t even sure what your options were. Marry him and dip? Would that leave him to scrutiny by death eaters that might harm him. Convince him to not join the death eaters and both of you dip after getting your inheritance? That would probably take a lot of trust that you might not even be guaranteed. There were other options as well but you wanted to not be anywhere near the death eaters especially when the war is over and being married to a member probably wouldn’t help.


	9. Birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys didn't see I posted a kinda one shot of George x Reader earlier today so if you like that stuff too. I'm running on low fumes for this fic, it's like I've run out of ideas and motivation but I want to finish this well. I might have two endings but if that's a bad idea just let me know. I'm also hesitating because I was going to write explicit smut but now it doesn't feel right in this fic, I don't want to like just drop a sex scene in for the fact I need a sex scene. Let me know what you think.

The next morning was a Saturday which meant the castle ought to be pretty quiet aside from meals. Severus was waiting for you in the common room when you came downstairs for breakfast and wordlessly joined you at breakfast then to the library. You’d chat with him when the two of you were mostly alone and then quietly exist together when you were around people, there was also no physical affection between you two unless you were absolutely alone. This continued with him joining you at the greenhouse and you listening him talk about Potions or DADA in the library. 

Exams and the end of the year were within a week's time and you had no idea what you were going to do in the summer. You could ask Abraxas if you could see or owl Severus during the break which might please him that the contract would absolutely be fulfilled. You hoped that this might also help you not go to any death eater meetings or get beaten, but this was all what you were hoping for.

Severus pulled you from the greenhouse where you were allowed to be but not help for the rest of the year since your injury. It was a pleasant day so you two walked around on the grounds for a while just chatting about school when he asked you a question you weren’t expecting.

“When’s your birthday?”

Well shit you had no clue. “I don’t know why?”

He stopped walking and looked at you, he didn’t even know what to respond to first. “How do you not know when your birthday is? Did you not get an owl on your 11th?”

“I haven’t celebrated it since I was 7 so I guess I just forgot. I didn’t see when the owl came, it all goes through Abraxas.”

“I was asking because my birthday is in January so I’ll be 18 before we’re done here.”

“I’m sorry I just don’t know.”

He frowned “It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize.”

“I know I’m just used to it.” You smiled in return, “Maybe I’ll let you dig that memory out of me sometime.”

It took him a second but he remembered and he looked ashamed, as he should be. “Maybe.”

You nodded and started heading back inside, you weren’t still upset by it but you had never gotten an apology for it either. Severus followed behind you but a little more slowly than before, you grabbed his hand and pulled him inside so you could go to the library. 

You did end up writing Abraxas asking permission to owl and see Severus over the summer break, without Lily he was bound to get into trouble. Abraxas had given you out right permission to write to Severus only while giving you a vague answer on the visiting question. You excitedly showed Severus his letter which was a relief to the both of you, hopefully it meant he was relaxing on his rules. You knew the contract was not going anywhere but at least it wouldn’t be as painful.

On the train home you sat in the same compartment, though you two were alone he didn’t sit next to you but across from you. When the train arrived you were fetching your trunk and you saw Abraxas far down the station. Severus had seen his mother who was much closer so without thinking you kissed him quickly before heading off to Abraxas. You assumed no one had noticed but two boys had watched you two since you got off the train, they were disgusted but didn’t tell Remus yet.

The first few weeks of break were quiet, you had sent one owl to Severus and read several new books. Abraxas came knocking again at mid-day and came in without warning, you were in the act of trying to memorize some plant things so you were doing anything wrong. He searched through your room as he talked.

“Dinner party tonight, Lucius is engaged to Narcissa so their family is coming over to get to know our family some more.” 

“Will I be attending?”

“Yes.”

“Sirius Black was the one to hurt me a few months ago!”

“I talked to the Blacks, they decided to kick him out this summer so he shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

You paused, they did what? Was it your fault that Sirius Black had been kicked out of his home, he’s 16! “What time will they be here?”

“6pm, don’t be late.” Abraxas finished his search and looked over at you. “Behave or I won’t allow Severus here until you’re married.”

You thought what an odd statement but he left and you went through the cycle shower, dress, wait. Also you hadn’t been informed of Lucius’s engagement to Narcissa, you were happy for him but felt left out, you chalked it up to Abraxas interfering. On your way into the house you felt nervous, not that you'd make a fool of yourself but something you couldn’t place your tongue on. 

Inside the manor you saw a few people downstairs but went upstairs to the dining room and found Lucius and Narcissa were already talking to people so you decided to wait it out up against the wall. All of a sudden there was a presence next to you, a black haired lady that seemed erratic but apparently that was a Black family trait. 

“Look at what we have here, a pureblood but not a Malfoy I wonder what you’d be doing here” She got ridiculously close and literally smelled you, but you were able to take it. Better than an Abraxas beating.

“Hi, my names F/N L/N.” Her eyes grew wide when she realized who you were for better or worse, “I’m Abraxas’s ward.”

She smiled brightly, “Yes! You’re the reason why we were finally able to kick Sirius out of the family!” Her eyes seemed not right but you continued to engage with her. “I had the best time burning him out of the tree.” You nodded along, you weren’t going to ask questions, you felt like you’d get more than what you bargained.

“I’m terribly disappointed he would treat a fellow pureblood like that.” You continued to watch her and it only took a few minutes to realize she was a death eater for sure, though you had already presumed most of the family was.

She scrunched her forehead before grabbing your hands, “Aren’t you engaged? To that filthy half blood, what’s his name?”

“Severus Snape and yes, though I think he will happily join the ranks once we are married.” Her eyes lit up when you mentioned him joining the death eaters. “I think he will be the most inclined to be incredibly loyal.” You smiled and she squeezed your hands.

“We will make sure you have a terribly grand wedding, anything for our newest recruits.” She smiled with a terrible light behind her eyes but you accepted it, though she came in close to your ear “I will make sure you’re able to keep the bloodline pure.” she licked your ear and ran back to a group of people. So okay maybe you were a little gay but you weren’t having kids that was a no go with anyone.

The dinner party itself was fine, you had been sitting next to Regulus who was a year younger than you so it wasn’t hard just to talk about school things. The room was tense but it seemed like for no reason, there was no animosity between the two families as far as you knew and you had kept your mouth shut. You asked Regulus who was the woman who had talked to you, he informed you her name was Bellatrix and she was Narcissa’s older sister. Regulus seemed normal, in comparison to some of the people at the table, and while he was into blood purity he didn’t seem all that convinced. You didn’t know how much he knew about the situation between Severus, the Marauders, and you but you hoped not much. Though if Bellatrix knew then she either must be in the inner circle or Narcissa must have told her. You finished the night as quickly as you could before attempting to leave but Abraxas grabbed your arm when you passed him to go back to the college.

“Cygnus this is F/N L/N” Abraxas turned you around and faced you towards Cygnus who he’d been talking to since the meal ended.

You stuck your hand out and he took it, “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Black.”

Cygnus smiled, he seemed to have a kinder light behind his eyes than some of the other Black family members. “Glad to see you’re doing well Miss L/N, the last time I saw you, you were about this tall.” He put his hand down to show your height from wherever you interacted with him last.

“She’s engaged to Eileen Prince’s son” Cygnus sneered at the statement, “In exchange for her, Severus will be able to gain full ranks and Eileen will get her family inheritance.”

You just kept smiling, you had no way to react to Abraxas referring to you in this way. Cygnus scoffed, “What a waste of a pureblood girl, don’t you think?” You emptied your mind, right now was not the time to have someone reading your thoughts on the matter.

Abraxas patted you on the shoulder, it made you feel like a piece of meat. “Don’t worry, we will have good use for Severus when they’re married. It will all be worth it in the end.” 

“You’re a very lucky girl to be in such good graces with the Dark Lord” Cygnus turned back to you, “A lot of us have spent many years serving him to get that far.”

Abraxas nodded “Once she is out of Hogwarts she can prove her worth.” You kept smiling, he excused you and essentially to bug off back to your shack. Which you happily did.

You laid in bed that night playing those interactions over in your head, you wanted to vomit, you wanted nothing to do with them. You were desperate to get the hell out of here and it was dawning more and more on you that Severus wasn’t going to help you. Severus was going to turn into the next Abraxas or Lucius and you were going to have to live with that. No matter what you did in life your husband will always be a death eater which depending on the war could be good or bad. But what if you fall out of Voldemort’s favor, then you have no protection keeping you in school or preventing Abraxas from outright killing you. Your head hurt terribly so you went to go get water, on your way back you decided to owl Severus informing him that this summer was not a good time to visit. You wanted to be alone away from these people with no debt to them and sadly Severus was just one of them. 

Thankfully there were no death eater meetings to attend this summer, the war had increased in intensity so there was no time for that. You read and reread every book you owned wanting to feel alive or just not here. Severus did owl you back but you decided not to respond, you just needed time to prepare for what was to come.

When you saw him on the platform you smiled and he came over to you to help move your trunk to the right spot. Severus pulled you into a compartment with several other Slytherin boys who were also aspiring death eaters. On the way in the Mauraders saw you get pulled into the compartment by Severus, James and Sirius were furious but Remus was the one to notice the look on your face which concerned him though there was nothing he could do about it. You sat next Severus against the wall, Regulus was in the compartment too so you didn’t touch him because Regulus seemed to be watching you closely. The ride wasn’t quiet but you stayed quiet, Severus asked you if you were okay and you nodded telling him you were just tired. Severus lightly touched your back as you were leaving the train and you smiled at him but that was about it. At the Great Hall you went to go sit with your roommates but Severus grabbed your hand to keep you sitting with the boys, you flinched but complied, you knew it wasn’t meant to hurt you. It was a long night but you were ready to get back into classes. You wanted to just be alone but he was everywhere you were, in class, at meals, even when you were going to the greenhouse full time again. Severus convinced you to come with him to Hogsmeade to Hogs Head for some butterbeer.

You watched as the Marauders come in, minus Sirius, and sit across the shop from you and Severus. You turned to Severus, this is why you didn’t want to come, you wanted to go but you couldn’t and you couldn’t explain yourself either. 

“Severus” He leaned in closer to you, “I’m sorry I didn’t see you this summer, I really am.”

He nodded and put a hand on your leg “It’s okay I know Abraxas-”

“It wasn’t Abraxas, well yes it was his fault but it was my decision.” His ghost of a smile dropped in confusion.

“Why? What happened?”

“Lucius got engaged and the entire Black family came over, Abraxas put me on display like a piece of meat and I just-” You sighed, it wasn’t exactly Severus’s fault for everything that was happening though it felt like it was. You wanted to push him away but he was never going away. “It just made me realize what my life is going to be like.”

Severus pulled you closer to him, “We didn’t choose this but we have to make the most of it.”

Part of you agreed, the other part was upset because he was getting the good end of the deal. You were just going to be married with 3 random houses. “I’m just scared Severus and I don’t want to be scared anymore.”

He did not know how to respond to that, he got that Abraxas wasn’t great or even good but you really were legitimately scared for your future. “Why don’t we when we get back, try to figure out when your birthday is.” You nodded and took it as a response, he was terrible with actual feelings so helping you was something he could do. You spent the rest of the time in the shop quiet or talking about classes, though you still weren’t feeling the best about it you knew you needed to warm back up to him. You had to make this work. 

A few hours later you were sitting on the couch with Severus in front of you preparing to dig for memories. 

“Severus my parents died when I was 7 I don’t think you’re going to find it.”

Severus smiled in a way you didn’t like, “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.” He leaned down and you kissed him before he went back to his position. You closed your eyes and just waited, then it hit you and he was digging through years of Abraxas beating you. Probably didn’t help his image of you but he was the one doing the digging, it was like a torpedo shot through your head. It was around the time your parents died, though there wasn’t much just Abraxas telling you to pack your things and follow him. Severus dug further but nothing he couldn’t find anything of significance or anything at all.

You collapsed onto the couch and Severus came over to you. He sighed and you could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “Did they use some type of memory spell on you because there was nothing past you meeting Abraxas..”

“Then why would I remember the houses, what my parents did or were?”

“I don’t know it could be false memories implanted.”

Your head started to throb “Then how am I sure my parents died or that I’m even who I’m supposed to be?”

Severus looked at you but couldn’t respond, there was nothing he could say or do that would tip the boat either way. He frowned, “I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

The two of you sat in silence for a long time before dinner, you hugged him for what seemed like a long minute before going to bed early. He didn’t object or say anything because he knew you weren’t taking this well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I changed my user name if no one else noticed.


	10. Fall term.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for what's tagged in description in this chapter. There's going to be another big time jump because I don't like filler.

It took a couple of days but you bounced back, you couldn’t really talk to anyone about this but you came to terms with what was happening. There was absolutely nothing you could do that would change the situation, with the tools you had at hand there were no other options but just to continue with the current plan. You needed to enjoy life as it was now and deal with the shit when it came at you. 

Slowly but surely you came around to Severus, though he seemed sympathetic to your plight you still felt bad. In potions Severus was always pressed up against you if possible and actually allowed you to look through his text book when you were lost. After your greenhouse routine, Severus would meet you and you would kiss him until he pulled away. 

On a day it was still warm out you went outside after classes with Severus and found a spot. You laid with your head in his lap and he ran his fingers through your hair while reading. It was pleasant, it was all you really wanted and you were going to enjoy it fully.

“Sev”

“Hmm” he didn’t look away from his book.

“When we get married do you think they’ll make us have a big wedding.” Now he was looking at you.

“I suppose they will, why do you ask?”

“I don’t know I guess… won’t it be weird if I don’t have anyone there it just seems like it’ll be a party for them.”

Severus paused, “I think they’ll make it about themselves and not us.” 

“I hope so, maybe it’ll be less stressful.” Severus set his book down and moved some hair out of your face.

“We can get through this together love” You smiled and he continued to pet your hair.

“If we can I want to go to my parents' place in France for a while after the wedding, so we can actually be alone.” He nodded and you turned so you were facing his stomach. “I think we really need alone time.” 

Severus watched as you closed your eyes, you were relaxed and he hadn’t seen you relaxed in a very long time. “We will get our time alone, I promise.”

You fully relaxed your body, lulling yourself to sleep as you heard Severus pick the book up and start reading again. You woke up gently, though unsure of how long since the sunlight hadn’t changed much. You stirred and Severus moved the book to look at you, you smiled and moved to sit up. You kissed him lightly before pulling back, you were still groggy. He smiled and you put your head on his shoulder, he finished his chapter fairly quickly after that.

“Do you want to go inside now?” You nodded and he stood up before helping you up. He pulled you into a hug and whispered in your ear, “It will be okay, I’ve got you.” 

That night after dinner you pulled Severus from his book and up the stairs to the 3rd floor corridor where you had found a mostly unused room. You wasted no time getting him undressed, though you took longer yourself. After locking the door with a muffliato charm, you got to business. You kissed him and he melted underneath you, he was rock hard by the time he had the confidence to grope you over your clothes. He started kissing and biting your neck as he attempted to undress you. His body shivered as you touched him, he was a little confused on why you flipped to this so quickly but he was happy it was because you wanted him. You knew he would cum very quickly if you used your mouth so you fished some lube out of your pocket to help yourself out. 

Severus pushed you up against a desk and you laid back with your legs spread. He was almost literally drooling at the sight of you full naked, he ran a finger from your clit to your entrance and he was shaking at the needs. He pumped a few fingers in and out before nervously lining you hips up to yours. You laughed lightly at the nervousness and pulled him in for a kiss which seemed to give him the confidence he needed to finally push in. The lube helped reduce the pain but it still felt like he was filling you all the way up. When he bottomed out you pulled him in for another kiss before he started thrusting. He held your hips in place with both hands and it took a second to find the rhythm but once he did he was going for it. You were not shy to moan but when he was hitting the best spots it took a lot to keep the noise at a normal. Severus didn’t know what else to do but thrust into abandon so you reached down and started rubbing on your clit harshly. It took you less than a minute to put yourself over at the edge of an orgasm. Seeing you react to you orasgming and feeling the way you tightened around him, Severus only had several more thrusts in him before cumming.

It was several minutes of heavy breathing before either of you could speak coherently. Severus pulled you up into a sitting position kissing you deeply. You were exhausted so you hopped down and got dressed before waiting at the door for him. You wrapped your arms around his waist as you both snuck back to the common room. You kissed him again before heading to your dorm to shower. 

You woke up sore and kind of regretful that it happened that way though not that it had happened. Severus at that point changed some of his PDA policies as he brought your chin up to kiss him before he left breakfast earlier than you that next morning. He pushed you up against walls to snog you and let you drag him around the greenhouse more. It was a step in the right direction for you to enjoy the relationship without focusing on the rest of it. 

Slughorn invited both of you separately for a dinner party at the end of the week which you both felt like you had to go. There was no anticipation like there was before but now you had no idea who was being invited. Another Abraxas approved dress later and here you were walking in with Severus though not touching him.

Lily was here and you saw Severus tense up which you weren’t sure how to feel about. On the other hand Regulus Black was now at the table too. Slughorn started talking and you were just getting through dinner one bite at a time. 

“What about you Miss L/N?”

“Oh! I’m so sorry could you repeat the question?”

“Certainly, would you consider becoming a professor yourself one day?”

“Yes, I mean I don’t want to kick Professor Sprout out but if I could teach somewhere like Beabuxtons or even Hogwarts after my career with plant breeding that would be nice.”

Slughorn nodded along “I presume Mr. Snape does not want to follow that career path?”

Severus looked up, “No Professor, if I could start my own apothecary shop that is probably my first goal.”

Slughorn nodded along with that too although you knew that to be a lie. You knew exactly what he wanted to do after Hogwarts and that did not include any ministry or apothecary work. He turned to a new member and continued the conversation there. Severus leaned into you and whispered in your ear, “Regulus is staring at you, I don’t think he trusts what you are saying so be careful.” You nodded and finished your food, being careful to avoid staring back at Regulus or staring at Lily. 

Dinner ended and the talking continued though mostly about Quidditch so you weren’t included. That was no problem for you as you had plenty of school items to go over into your head while they talked. It wasn’t long before it was time to leave and you were happy to slip away without much fuss. Severus pulled you into an empty corridor on the way back to your common room. 

He gently pinned you against a wall, hands roaming your body and kissing you gently. It was pleasant but surprising after a night of minimal physical touch. You held his face in your hands as he continued to kiss and he pressed his body up against yours. It was going swell until you heard a voice, it was Regulus Black.

“Come on you guys it’s almost curfew and it’s a long walk to Slytherin.” You sighed and Severus pulled away though he did seem irritated with the interruption. It was Regulus and you weren’t sure how long he had been there which made you uncomfortable. You knew Regulus was into the whole blood purity thing so seeing you be with Severus probably didn’t make him please though he knew you were getting married to him. You both moved and walked with Regulus back to the common room although you did slip your arm around his waist while doing so. It didn’t take long to get back to the dorm and you were tired enough so you kissed Severus, telling the boys goodnight before heading to bed.

When you had left earshot Regulus turned to Severus, “Why are you with her?”

Severus was floored, “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, she’s pure shouldn’t she be with someone else who’s pure?”

“Regulus you know I have permission-“

“Just because you have permission doesn’t mean you should do it Severus.”

“It’s more complicated than that and you should know that well enough by now.”

“I know what I need to know.” Severus frowned at that but decided to just go to bed instead of arguing.

Surprisingly enough nothing came out of that, though you wouldn’t know this but the marauders would see the situation unfold on their map. Months went by without much incident, just hooking up with Severus when you could get some time alone and studying. Winter break came and you were surprised to see Abraxas talking to Eileen on the platform when you got off the train. Both of you hauled your trunks over to them, though they stopped talking when you got within ear shot.

“Come now F/N we are already late.” Abraxas started walking away immediately, you smiled at Severus and left with Abraxas. You knew his parent’s weren’t much better than Abraxaas but he hadn’t brought it up so you left the issue alone.

As the two of you were walking Abraxas spoke to you again, “We are having a party over the break and Severus is coming.” You nodded but kept your mouth shut. If that was what they were talking about why did they stop talking when we came up to them.

You absolutely made sure to keep your mouth shut and in line the time period before the party, you weren’t going to jinx it for yourself or Severus. It wasn’t that hard but you were extra paranoid because you felt like Abraxas might take advantage of the relationship and use it as leverage for punishments. Abraxas did come to your door the day before the party and continued his routine in inspecting your personal items every time he came into the cottage. 

“Severus is spending the night tomorrow so we don’t have to bother sending him back to Spinners End that late at night.” Abraxas said with disgust at the mention of Spinners End. You were happy but were concerned that that meant, additionally although Spinners End had a reputation supposedly it wasn’t that bad. 

“Do I need to help with anything?”

“No-” He cut himself off as he picked up some of your sketches. “Tell me, are you really affectionate with Severus?”

“Yes I am, if I’m going to be married to him I might as well like him” Abraxas scoffed which confused you. 

He turned to you, “If it would’ve been my choice we would have gotten you a nice Black boy instead but it wasn’t and now you’re stuck with a filthy half-blood.”

“I’m doing what the Dark Lord asked me to and if it’s a half-blood then so be it.” The words that came out of your mouth felt like acid, you did not care what Severus was or any of your partners at that but responding this way earned you good points from him. You wanted to vomit, you hated blood supremacy and you certainly didn’t want to marry into one of the sacred 28 for posterity plus Sirius broke your ribs why would you want to be in the same room as him anymore.

Abraxas nodded in agreement and left your cottage much to your relief, though you knew this wasn’t the end of this conversation. 

You weren’t ready by when you expected to be, which meant you were slightly late though if Abraxas was as busy as you expected him to be he wouldn’t notice. Through the side door you snuck through you bumped first into Lucius and Narcissa who greeted you warmly, you hugged Lucius. He asked you about school and you told him how well you had done on your exams. After you excused yourself you went to go find Severus who was obviously not down stairs though it was fairly crowded, you didn’t ask who they were you didn’t want to. You made your way upstairs, it wasn’t long before you found Severus but he was with Abraxas talking to someone you didn’t recognize. You hesitated but continued to him,

“Ah F/N about time you join us!” You stood next to Severus and he put a hand on your lower back. “This is Augustus Rockwood, he works at the ministry.” He switched the introduction. “This is the pairing I was talking to you about earlier.” Abraxas moved his hand in your direction, you wanted to throw up.

“Pleasure Miss L/N, I’m pleased to hear of your progress in school and your engagement.” Augustus took a sip of his drink, he seemed disinterested with you.

“Thank you Mr. Rockwood, I am glad you’re only hearing good things with me.” Augustus smiled at that and you turned to Severus “I’m going to go find Lucius, do you need anything?” Severus shook his head and you excused yourself towards your path back downstairs. You were beckoned by a different person across the room.

It was Barty Crouch and he was calling your name, you weren’t expecting it so you looked to Severus though he seemed deep in conversation with Augustus and Abraxas. You made your way over to him, he pulled you into a hug which made you comfortable but he whispered in your ear two words that scared you. “I know.”

Your stomach sank but you remained head strong as he let you go and started a real conversation with you to assumably make your interaction seem more legitimate. “How’s life at the ministry? I don’t see Lucius much anymore so I don’t know any recent updates…” 

“Things are how you’d expect. Abraxas mentioned to me earlier that you are a member of the Slugclub, how’s that going?”

“It’s a pleasant way to spend an evening every month or so but it seems odd to be a part of someone's collection.” 

“I also heard that Regulus Black was invited to join, did he accept?” The way he looked at you made you nervous for your own safety.

“I can’t say to if he is a full member but he did join us for dinner in the fall.” You were getting dangerously close to the line of what you could converse about safely at all let alone in the manor itself.

Barty shifted his body language and looked over to Severus, “I hear you are dating Severus Snape now, how’s that going?”

“As well as it could given the circumstances” You glanced at Severus and shifted in place. “I do see myself with him in the future if everything works out.” 

Barty took a second to think before placing a hand on your shoulder. “Please keep being a good student, your hard work will not go to waste.”

You smiled and excused yourself, you were going to throw up if you didn’t get fresh air right now. Why the hell was Barty Crouch at a death eater filled party? Was he a death eater because Abraxas did not treat him as if he was? What did he know, you should’ve asked but you knew you couldn’t. Down the stairs and out the doors you went, taking a deep breath you felt not so anxious being free of the people surrounding you. You now felt like you were going to scream, did Crouch just ask you if Regulus was a death eater because Regulus was just 16. If he was a death eater at 16 did that mean Severus was about to join as well, is that what he was talking to Augustus about. You took a deep breath, you needed to focus your mind on tonight and figure this out tomorrow. You needed to play your part and do it well.

When you walked back inside you were grabbed by familiar fingers, and not the good kind. You were turned around and greeted with the face of Bellatrix. You smiled brightly and desperately hoped that Narcissa was very close.

“I haven’t seen you yet dear!” Bellatrix moved to hold your hands in hers.

“I’m sorry I was upstairs talking. I didn’t forget about you.” This seemed to please her greatly. 

“Are you excited?” 

You shook your head in confusion, “For what Bella?”

“Regulus’s initiation of course! He’s finally joining the ranks with the rest of us!” She was so thrilled but you were really confused on why everyone was talking about Regulus at this party. 

“I’m sorry no one told me, when is this happening?” You were genuinely confused and thankfully she only seemed to pick up on that.

“It’ll be a few days before you all go back to Hogwarts” She said the last word with great sarcasm, “I hope you’re allowed to attend, it’s what your sweet Severus can finally do after we marry you.”

We marry you, did not sit well with you, “I hope I am too. I was hoping if you knew any details about Lucius and Narcissa’s wedding that you could tell me?”

“Oh yes!” She squeezed your hands, she was 10 years older than you but seemed like a peer. An unwanted peer but peer. “It will be at the end of next summer so everyone can attend and I think it will be here at the manor as well.”

“That’s wonderful! Are you excited to be in it?”

“I would do anything for Cissy.” Bellatrix looked over your shoulder and you followed her gaze to Narcissa talking to someone very closely. 

“I apologize but I just realized I forgot to tell Abraxas something, I’m going to have to go find him.” You frowned and she let you go without any fuss. You desperately looked around for someone you trusted downstairs and then upstairs, but quickly realized that there was no one that you trusted. Not even Severus or Lucius, and even Crouch who seemed to be on your side. 

You found a place to sit for the time being to calm yourself down, you planned to leave as soon as possible at this point. It was not very long before Abraxas found you with Severus in tow and he seemed angry. 

Abraxas with no hesitation slapped you in the face when you turned to talk to him. You didn’t been hit by him in a very long time so it was a shock but the years of him hitting you didn’t react though Severus did twitch.

“Where were you?!”

“Mr. Crouch and Bellatrix caught me in conversation, I came here to breathe for a moment.”

Abraxas wanted to punch you but obviously had something he needed to do he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to the door. He straightened you out and walked behind you with a hand on your shoulder into the dining room, you assumed Severus was following behind you. He led you to a group of a few men, you smiled brightly as his hand gripped so hard you felt his rings dig into your skin. 

“Cygnus, Augustus, you’ve already met F/N L/N. Crabbe and Goyle this is the Dolohov issue. Hasn’t she turned out well?” You kept smiling and you desperately hoped that Severus was behind you. 

“She’s the one we’re not allowed to touch?” Asked either Crabbe or Goyle though you didn’t know who was who. 

“Yes and the only thing we could get for her was the half blood Eileen Prince had.” That was the moment you knew Severus was not behind you and that you were in serious danger. 

“I’ve told you before but what a terrible waste!” That was Cygnus.

“If she didn’t have those protections we could get so much more for her. New purebloods are always needed around here.” Again Crabbe or Goyle but the opposite one from the one who spoke before. 

“What subjects did she get O’s on last year?” Abraxas tapped you with his hand as an indication to speak, it was humiliating but you did what you were trained to do.

“Potions, Charms, Ancient Runes, Herbology, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration.” You shut your mouth and the group seemed to approve of your response.

“Eileen Prince's child had the same grades, the Dark Lord wants him because of it.”

“OWLs don’t predict value for the Dark Lord.” Augustus was next to add his opinion in. “Is it worth it to ruin a bloodline for 2 more followers?” He turned to Cygnus “Isn’t Regulus her age, wouldn’t he be a better match.”

You controlled your breathing and kept your mind from really processing the words being said. “I expressed all of these sentiments but the contract has been made gentlemen. What do you think we can do with her until then, we have a year and a half.” Abraxas seemed more cold and terrible than usual. 

“We can’t make a permanent mark on her so we are severely limited.”

“How do you think I got her to behave so well, better than Lucius though he’s my real son.” He lifted his hand and went to hit you on the head again but you did little more than blink. This delighted the men as they laughed and continued talking. You decided it was enough and started disassociating from the conversation, day dreaming what you could. They finished their conversation not long before the party ended, Abraxas kept his hand on you and led you downstairs to tell guests goodnight. Severus was downstairs with Lucius and Narcissa who seemed as if he knew nothing of the conversation that just happened. Though the look on your face informed him this wouldn’t be a quiet night.

Barty Crouch was towards the end of guests who left, he saw the hand on your shoulder and you made eye contact. It must have been too much as he looked away quickly and left with few words. The party ended and after the last guest left, Narcissa, Abraxas turned you around and punched you in the face with no hesitation. No reaction, no reaction, no reaction. You looked over to Severus and he didn’t look pleased. Abraxas grabbed your face, “You think I will go easy on you just because Severus is here?” He laughed and pushed you with such force that you fell fully to the ground. He stomped on your face and then onto your neck before throwing a kick into your stomach. You did your best, you only reacted to the pain and not everything else, your nose was definitely broken but your face otherwise seemed fine and your neck hurt but wasn’t injured terribly as well. “You will not disrespect me in my own house.” He said with a final kick to the chest before leaving the room, Lucius held Severus back because he knew.

You laid on the floor for a minute trying to get your sense back in tact, it was a brutal but short attack thankfully with no magic. You just kept breathing and stood up, going to Lucius and Severus. Lucius quickly fixed your nose, you thanked him and said goodnight to the pair. While Severus suffered abuse at home he did not get beat so badly he was an empty shell. You headed out the side door to your cottage and Severus caught up with you.

“What happened?”

“I am a piece of meat to be auctioned off for the best price to them.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Severus either you or they will kill me and I’m really just-” You put a hand on his chest as your head felt like you were on a boat. 

“It will be okay, let's get you inside.” Severus tried to touch you to help get you to the cottage but you pulled away and you didn’t need his hands on you.

“Stop. Please don’t. You’re one of them, go back inside.” You told him before turning and getting back into the cottage. 

There were not enough showers that could get the feeling this night gave you off your skin.


	11. 7th year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a long one folks but you know what that means for next chapter! Currently the plan is staying alive so not much mentioned in this chapter.

You woke up feeling like you were struggling to breathe, you coughed and choked until you had settled down. Sitting up you realized everything that had happened was real, every single second of it and in front of Severus as well. You weren’t embarrassed as much as you were upset with the knowledge that you weren’t getting out of this alive. You don’t even really remember the last interaction with Severus but you hoped he was gone by now, you saw your face in the mirror and knew it would be bad. It took awhile for you to actually get up to inspect the damage but when you did it seemed not great, he had put a lot of force behind those stomps.

Lucius apparated into the cottage shortly after and helped heal the damage to your face, he did a good job to where it was mostly going to be swelling that needed to go down. He hugged you but didn’t say a word to you before he apparated back into the manor, you knew there could be no words spoken about this between the two of you for a very long time. 

Severus had indeed left earlier that morning, Lucius had taken him to the edge of Spinner's End before going back to the manor. He couldn’t stop replaying in his mind Abraxas stomping on your face, Lucius had held him back and warned him against getting involved so he couldn’t help you. Every time he closed his eyes he couldn’t get the empty look on your face and how you just took the beating like it was a regular occurrence. Had he really underestimated Abraxas and the situation at hand, you always went to him for comfort. Why had you so easily pushed him away. After he saw Abraxas slap you Lucius had pulled him downstairs, he had seen you be presented to that group of men before he had to look away but what happened. Why had Abraxas switched gears like that after he couldn’t find you in the same room as him. 

Deciding it was best to keep your head down for the rest of the break you stayed in bed most of the time, the third day after the party your vision blurred red but there was nothing you could do so you just waited for it to pass. The bruises started fading before you headed back to Hogwarts, though you used your injuries as an excuse to not go to Regulus’s official initiation or whatever it was. On the train you found your roommates before Severus though he was probably with more death eaters so you weren’t disappointed. He found you after the train was well on it’s way and you came out into the corridor to speak with him.

Neither of you knew what to say first. “How are you healing?”

“Fine, Lucius helped fix most of the broken parts, it's just swelling now.”

Severus gently touched your arm, he to you seemed genuinely concerned and that’s what bothered you about it. “What happened?”

“I don’t know Sev” You didn’t want to talk about what happened on the train or even with him.

“We can talk later, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” You nodded and he turned to leave but you stopped him, you gently kissed him to see if you felt anything anymore before returning to your own compartment. You did feel something but it was full of regret and guilt and things you couldn’t place.

Things went back to usual, spending a lot of time with Severus in the common room or the library when you weren’t in the greenhouse. He was a lot more gentler with you though you were still sore on the face and neck. You warmed back up to him because you had no one else, at least he took the excuse that you were still in some pain. 

His birthday rolled around and you had gotten him some books on potions and the dark arts before the party so you were able to still bring them. You wrapped them as carefully as you could and asked him to meet you downstairs in the morning before breakfast. You brought them downstairs and waited by the fire for him to come, he wasn’t far behind you and seemed terribly surprised when you handed him his gifts. 

“What are these for?” He kissed you as he sat down next to you.

“It’s your birthday.” You smiled, giving gifts was nice when you were able to do it. You had actually bought Remus a book as well and given it to his head boy to give to him, you hadn’t been able to repay him for your Christmas gift the year prior until now.

“Can I open them?” You nodded, of course he could. They were his presents. He unwrapped them so carefully and was so thrilled at each book, he kissed you when he was done. The look on his face was absolutely worth it, it made you feel whole again. He took the books back upstairs to put away before you two went to breakfast, he kissed you again and told you how excited he was to read them. 

This term was academically challenging, more so than what you were expecting. You were terribly busy and so was everyone else at Hogwarts, you had an idea about it keeping students away from the war. The war was certainly continuing to gear up and you weren’t sure if you were going to finish your years here without major issues. As long as you didn’t hear from Abraxas then you knew you were mostly safe in the castle. The months seemed to drag on, but summer break came and you weren’t excited. It was surprisingly calm back at the manor there were some wedding plans but you assumed the war effort was more important. Summer wasn’t as bad as the spring as you could read what you wanted and generally had no other responsibilities but when the wedding came up you were a bit more involved.

You helped Narcissa move decorations and pick out her flowers which you thought was nice of her to ask you to help with that. You still weren’t sure how she saw you, Lucius was essentially like an older brother though without the bond and surely he must have told her what happened in the house. With no confirmation of it you didn’t bring it up and continued to help where you could. The wedding ended up being shortly before you and Severus would go back to Hogwarts for your final year so the decision was made that he would just stay until it was time to go. 

The wedding itself was normal, knowing everyone in the room was an inner circle death eater did not help your anxiety but you sat where you were told. You paid little attention to the actual wedding because you really were hoping to avoid beating and that was top of your mind. At the reception you sat next to Severus who talked to Regulus the entire time. You went to go get drinks for the three of you when someone grabbed your wrist. 

It was Barry Crouch, again why the hell was he here, there was nothing you could find on him being corrupt but I guess that doesn’t mean he couldn’t be here. “Miss L/N you look terribly bored would you mind sitting with me for a few minutes.”

You nodded and sat down in the chair next to him, his table was mostly empty. 

“How’s school going? I’ve heard Professor Sprout can’t get you out of the greenhouse.”

“Yes, it’s going well. I should be on my way to good NEWT scores for this year.”

“How about your friends over there?”

“Ah yes, Regulus got initiated into the Slug Club this winter and Severus should be getting good NEWT scores as well.” Crouch had let go of your wrist and put it on top of your hand on the table. What he did looked terribly creepy but it didn’t seem like it in the interaction. 

“Is Severus doing okay?” 

You nodded “I think so, he’s been going to more meetings than me and spending time with Regulus.”

Crouch lowered his voice and his grip tightened on your hand “Are you doing okay?”

You nodded again, “I haven’t gone to any meetings recently and I’m just focusing on school right now. I think I’ll be fine until we graduate.”

Crouch’s pupils narrowed but he didn’t move and you didn’t move, assuming he couldn’t read your thoughts you were fine. You apologized and excused yourself, getting drinks before bringing them back to your table where Regulus had disappeared. 

“Who was that man you were talking to?” Severus asked with a weird hint in his voice but you brushed it off.

“Barry Crouch from the ministry, he’s good friends with Professor Sprout and always asks me about school when I see him now.” Severus nodded in acceptance of the answer and the two of you looked to see Lucius and Narcissa dancing.

“That’s going to be us in less than a year.” You said before downing the drink.

“Are you not excited for a giant wedding with a bunch of people we don’t know?” Severus teased you but put his arm over your shoulder.

“That and everything that happens after.”

Severus pulled you into him “You’re not excited to be with me all alone for two weeks” he kissed your cheek and you set your head on his shoulder.

“I mean finding a place for us to live and jobs but I am terribly excited to have actual alone time with you.” He kissed the top of your head and you both watched as the dancing dispersed as the reception ended. 

The next few days you spent mostly outside with Severus reading or talking mostly, though Abraxas did come get him a few times which for you weren’t sure. The rest of the days were tense but they were always tense at the Malfoy Manor. 

Another year another routine to settle into though you were having more breaks between classes. As it became double classes instead of mostly individual hours. Severus was in a different double potions class than you so you waited for him in the library when McGonagall came and got you. She didn’t tell you why or for what until you were in the hallway. “Dumbledore needs to speak with you privately.” You nodded and followed her to the 3rd floor to the Gargoyle, the stairs started moving and you went up with her. When the office door opened she left, Dumbledore was at his desk and beckoned you to come inside. 

“Come sit dear.” You came in and sat down at his desk, you were nervous but not because you did anything wrong but because this is sometimes how you used to get beat by Abraxas. You didn’t say anything and waited as Dumbledore finished writing on a piece of parchment. “How is the term starting out for you? Excited for your last year?”

You smiled, you felt like you were on show again “It’s going well just trying to study as I can. I’m ready to start working and start having my own plants.”

The silence between the two of you was all knowing. There were things he couldn’t ask and things you couldn’t say even if it was life of death.

“I bet you’re wondering why I had you come meet me in my office today.” You nodded “I’ve been worried about you since the incident where Mr. Potter and Mr. Black broke your ribs.”

You weren’t sure how to respond, “I’ve been okay Headmaster, doing my best to stay out of trouble.”

“I don’t think that sentiment extends to Severus Snape as well.”

“Headmaster, I think you seriously doubt my personal influence over Severus or any of the other Slytherin boys.”

“I do know that you are a good and kind person, why are you around those people when you don’t have to be.”

“Sir, I hope you know what I mean when I say one does not choose their families.”

The pause was long but again neither of you could do much about what was being said. Either Dumbledore got it or he didn’t and hopefully if he did know how vital it was for him to just let things happen. 

“Tell me, you’ve been with Severus Snape for a while now, do you love him?”

You blinked. Was Barty Crouch relaying him information, was he the one telling him about what was happening. “I’m not sure I can say that for certain right now but I think I will know soon.”

“This upcoming summer soon?”

“I apologize I have no idea what you’re talking about.” You felt yourself glaze over at the thought of telling Dumbledore everything but he couldn’t help you. 

Dumbledore nodded at your response, you could almost see the mental note he took. “How well do you know Regulus Black?”

“Not very well but I know him well enough. Did Slughorn not tell you that he was initiated into the club last winter?”

Dumbledore's eyes sparkled at the phrasing, “Slughorn has mentioned it, his family must be very proud.”

“The Black’s are thrilled, as Severus and I aren’t even initiated and he’s a year younger than us. Though I don’t mind not being an official member, being a part of a trophy collection has been exhausting over the years.”

He nodded, you nodded then more silence. “I don’t want to keep you much longer but I wanted to let you know that all of your hard work will not go to waste.” 

You stood up and were almost about to exit before turning back to him. “Headmaster” Dumbledore looked at you from a book he had picked up. “I hope you know that I am doing my best and that I am a good person.”

“I never doubted that.”

With that you went back to the library and slumped into your seat stuck with your thoughts before Severus strolled in. He kissed you on the head and then on the lips before he sat down, you closed your eyes.

“You okay?”

“Yeah just really tired for some reason.”

He nodded, the days felt too long and he knew the course load was intense but he knew other things were on your mind. He just rubbed your arm and opened his book, there wasn’t much he could do about any of it. 

Severus’s birthday came around sooner than you had expected, you were distracted immensely by exams so much so that you asked to stay at Hogwarts over the winter break. Abraxas surprisingly agreed though Severus did go home so you were able to have some alone time before the next 6 months hit you like a train. McGonagall took you and a couple of others to Hogsmeade once during the break, she kept her eye on you well though buying books for Severus didn’t seem like a thing to keep an eye on. You caught up on sleep and studying so when Severus came back you felt much better about everything.

Severus seemed terribly nervous when he came back and increasingly so up to his birthday. You were wary of it but you knew NEWTs were getting to others as well. You gave him his presents early on in the day since both of you had heavy schedules for the morning and afternoon. After class he dragged you outside, the weather wasn’t the best but it wasn’t snowing and going to spend time outside wasn’t unusual. He pulled you into a kiss that surprised you for being so out in the open, you wrapped your arms around his neck before he pulled back.

He was nervous and shaking which wasn’t normal, you had gotten him over that like a year ago what was bothering him so badly. He dug into his pockets and pulled out a little box, handing it to you. 

“What’s this?”

“Just open it”

You opened the box and took a sharp breath in, it was a ring. You pressed your lips together you didn’t know how to feel about this it deepened a pit but you knew you should be happy about it, other students would be. You looked up to Severus who looked like he might explode with nervousness but you weren’t sure why it bothered you. You kissed him which seemed to calm him temporarily but you pulled away quickly to turn back to the ring. It was a pear cut emerald with leaves surrounding it and as the band, it was a terribly nice ring but why was it so nice, you took it out of the box and put it onto your finger. You looked from it to Severus again you didn’t know how to react.

“It’s beautiful, I love it.” You kissed him again quickly, you should be happy about this why aren’t you happy.

“It’s enchanted, if you rub the emerald you’re supposed to be able to feel my heart beat” You smiled but it finally connected with you, there needed to be proof of an existing engagement before July or there would be questions raised by those who didn’t know. 

“Thank you, I might have to wear it on a necklace when I’m in the greenhouse but I really appreciate this Sev.” He kissed you and the nervousness seemed to melt away from him, though it seeped into you. “Do you mind if we wait to tell people here, I just don’t want to answer questions right now.” 

Severus nodded “If you owl Abraxas to acknowledge that I did it then you could probably wear it on a necklace until the time is right, I don’t mind.” You kissed him on the cheek as you started to mess with the ring. 

“Did you pick it out?” 

“Abraxas took me to go get one during winter break, I’m surprised he let me pick it out though.”

The two of you stood in silence for a minute, it was becoming more and more real everyday that you didn’t have a choice in this anymore. You were trying to prepare your relationship to take this but it still didn’t seem right sometimes. 

“Sev, I love you, thank you.”

He smiled “Me too.” 

The two of you headed back inside, unknowing to the fact that the Marauders had watched it happen as well Dumbledore and McGonagall. The Marauders were terribly offended that you took a ring from him, Remus was the only one who understood why you took it and why you reacted the way you did, it didn’t make him feel good. Dumbledore and McGonagall were confused on why it had happened on school grounds in private, what they had expected was at least not that reaction from you as well. 

You owled Abraxas confirming the proper engagement had happened and you had slipped the ring onto a necklace to wear instead. There were no whispers or rumors of what Severus had done for a few months, Regulus was staring at you more often though you reminded him you were always in the greenhouse and you didn’t want to lose it. You caught the Marauders staring at you in class especially when they sat near you which became more often. 

In April, Remus caught up with you after Ancient Runes and pulled you to the side of the corridor though you weren’t expecting his questions. The two of you had been generally cordial since the broken ribs incident, talking politely in class but not about anything other than class work. You hoped he didn’t resent you for what happened. 

“Hey uh can I ask you about something?”

“Yeah what’s up Remus?” The two of you were in a very public space though not many people populated it at this point, you didn’t need another bathroom incident.

“A couple of months ago we saw Severus give you a ring, was that an engagement ring because I’ve never seen you wear it…”

You pulled the necklace out of your shirt, “It is” you looked up to him and he seemed concerned “Abraxas made him so it doesn’t look bad when it happens. I didn’t know you guys saw it, why didn’t you say anything before?”

“You didn’t seem happy so we decided to leave it alone but it’s been months now.”

“You know why I reacted the way I did Remus, I don’t think he is anymore thrilled than I am.”

“When’s it happening?”

“I don’t actually know that, I’m not involved with it.”

Remus took your hands in his, “You know where we are if you need help, James and Sirius have grown up a lot since then and they would understand if you came to us.”

You hugged him “Thank you”

“I believe in you” He said before he pulled away and took off to his next class.

You unclasped the necklace and slipped the ring off then onto your finger. You might as well start wearing it now if other people actually know. The interaction you had with Remus was kind and you appreciated him taking time to ask instead of assume, him also understanding some of the finer details helped as well. You knew you could go to him for help if things got too bad but that would put Severus in a bad spot, you hoped you could do it alone but at least you had someone else in your corner for now.

The ring went largely ignored by most that didn't already know, which you appreciated, you were quiet and kept mostly to yourself so it wasn’t a surprise that no one noticed. Severus was hesitant when you first started wearing it on your finger but was more comfortable as time went by, it was your reality and you couldn’t put it on the back burner.

Dumbledore called you into his office at the beginning of June, you assumed for career or academic reasons so you didn’t hesitate. 3rd floor up the stairs and you waited after you knocked to be let in. You heard voices more than just Dumbledore and the paintings behind the door but you couldn’t make out who they were. After a minute Dumbledore called to let you in and you opened your door to a nightmare situation. McGonagall, Crouch, and Dumbledore were standing together near the desk, in that moment you considered running out of the office or jumping out the window but you continued forward.

“Miss L/N please have a seat” You sat down and crossed your legs “I think you’ve met Mr. Crouch before.”

You nodded “Yes, it’s good to see you Mr. Crouch.” You smiled but you were internally freaking the fuck out, why was Crouch here, was Crouch telling Dumbledore things, why was McGonagall here.

“I want you to know that you are not in trouble, we just need to have a chat.” You nodded but didn’t respond verbally. 

Crouch stepped forward, “I’m sorry that we met the way we did Miss L/N but I hope you know that I am here on behalf of you. We are going to try to get you out.”

You shook your head and made eye contact with him, he knew you couldn’t talk to him or anyone in the room about it. “I don’t know what you mean by get me out.”

“Miss L/N if you’re worried about Severus Snape we can help him too, you don’t have to go through with the engagement.” Dumbledore added in but it was like they didn’t care about your safety, you couldn’t just leave.

“We have been dating for 2 years, my engagement to Severus Snape was not a surprise with the war becoming more intense. I love Severus, I want to marry him.” The three pairs of eyes burned holes in your head, you were saying what you could. 

McGonagall came over to you and put out her hand, you put your left hand in hers and she inspected the ring. “We saw the engagement, you did not seem very happy.” They were trying to play your game and it made your head spin, you weren’t trying to be difficult or an asshole you were attempting to not get curb stomped by Abraxas or another death eater.

“We’ve all been stressed by exams and everything else happening in the world, I just wasn’t expecting him to get me a ring at all.” You looked at Crouch “You saw that Lucius didn’t give Narcissa one so I wasn’t expecting a proper engagement.”

McGonagall gently set your hand down. “Miss L/N we know what Severus intends on doing after leaving here.”

You turned to her, “You can apply that to half of Slytherin house, it’s no secret what some of them are doing on breaks. There is nothing I can do about that.”

“We can keep you safe.”

“I’m not in any danger, Headmaster, I am perfectly safe doing what I’m doing now.” You looked from each person back to your ring, you can’t do anything but deny and deflect. “I apologize but I need to go study” You stood up, “Mr. Crouch I hope to see you again soon.” You left as fast as possible, you did not care if you got detention for leaving before being dismissed, you couldn’t do anything about it now. 

At dinner after the last of the exams there was a flood of owls to the Slytherin table, you looked at Severus and he shrugged, maybe it was proud parents which you both certainly didn’t have. The rustling of paper was fairly loud, then all eyes were on you two and your heart rate spiked.

“When did you two get engaged?” Your roommate looked up from the letter and it was much louder than you were hoping. 

“January” There were more eyes on you that you were not excited for. You lifted your hand and showed your roommate group who were terribly shocked.

“Why didn’t you tell us that the wedding is next week?” You looked to Severus, you wanted to tell them that we didn’t know but that wasn’t an acceptable answer. 

“We were just busy, sorry.” The Hufflepuff girls behind you tapped on your shoulder and you turned around, they seemed more excited than you and were in love with the plant based ring.

Everyone else was more excited than the two of you for a wedding. It was odd, it didn’t feel good for everyone to know about it even though it hadn’t really even been a secret you would have told someone if they would’ve asked. You looked at Severus who looked just as displeased with the attention. When you stood up to leave when dinner was over you made brief eye contact with Remus who seemed sympathetic to your plight and then Lily whose face you couldn’t read. You walked back to the common room with your group of roommates who asked you questions you should know the answer to about the wedding but you told them it was a surprise instead.

The train ride back wasn’t much better with random people stopping by you and Severus’s compartment, you were confused on why it was such a big deal now. Why did anyone care about the marriage in the first place especially enough to make other houses talk about it. It was obviously Abraxas who had made it a big deal but why hadn’t he done it sooner.


	12. Contract fulfilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's wedding time and initiation time! Short because long wedding descriptions kind of suck. Next chapter will be in accordance to canon provided by the books, pay attention to what Severus has or has not said it will help make sense of everything else.

You slept for almost two days straight before the wedding, your body was physically and emotionally exhausted from school ending. It hit you very hard but you were hoping that after the wedding things would calm down and you would be able to slip away slowly. The plan was to make it through the wedding and reception, wait a month and feign illness so you could isolate and possibly leave quietly. 

The day before the wedding you requested Narcissa help you with your dress and other details, you trusted her the most aside from Lucius in the house to be kind with you. Walking up the stairs to meet Narcissa you found Bellatrix, which was surprising. You hadn’t expected to see her until tomorrow.

“Bella!” She stopped and turned to look at you, she smiled brightly at you, “I wasn’t expecting to see you until tomorrow, come help me try on my dress with Narcissa.” Your unexpected kindness towards her put her in a good mood, you didn’t want to be her enemy and hoped the more genuine kindness you showed her the better. You took her hand and you followed her to Narcissa’s room where the dress was hung up on the door.

It was a deep emerald green dress with a tea length full skirt and off the shoulder neckline. It was really nice but you hadn’t picked it out, you hadn’t even seen it until now. Bellatrix let go of your hand and went to the dress taking it off the hanger bringing it over to you, you touched it gently before taking it to the bathroom to change. You called both girls to help zip you in once you had gotten it on most of the way, you could’ve used magic but you knew the scars on your back would tell them more than they probably knew before. They came into the bathroom and Bellatrix zipped you into the dress, the way Narcissa looked at you in the mirror was unsettling but Bellatrix raved over it. When you looked in the mirror you saw someone who wanted this but not in this way, you looked down at your ring and tears built up in your eyes. You turned to face the girls as tears started streaming down your face, Narcissa pulled you into a hug and Bellatrix seemed sympathetic.

“Let's get you out of this dress so we don’t mess it up.” She said into your ear and you pulled away, they unzipped you and saw more of the scars from the past decade of Abraxas’s rage. You changed back into your normal clothes and didn’t say much for the rest of the day.

The next day Bellatrix and Narcissa came to the cottage with the dress and other accessories. They helped you get ready and escorted you to the ceremony, you increasingly thought you were going to throw up or faint but you got yourself emotionally ready. Smile and speak only when you needed to you repeated over and over again, the ceremony started and you were now face to face with Severus. You were empty behind the eyes and smile, you couldn’t even comprehend where you were or who was around you, you were disassociating hard to keep yourself sane. The end of the ceremony started to come and after the officiate showered the two of you with golden stars, signaling it was official and it should be over now. You started paying attention and you almost dropped to the floor when you heard the officiate speak.

“Instead of traditional vows the couple have decided to make the unbreakable vow.” You made eye contact with Severus as you heard guests whisper among themselves. This was not in the contract, this wasn’t part of the deal, you started shaking and Severus seemed to know exactly what you were thinking. Neither of you had been told of this and you had no idea what you were about to agree to. In your head you begged Severus to stop it, you were scared.

Yet there was nothing you could do, so you took a hold of his outstretched arm and the ministry officiate started the process, rings of light wrapping around your hands.

“Will you Severus Snape protect F/N L/N to the best of your abilities?”

“I will.”

“Will you Severus Snape be loyal to F/N L/N to the best of your abilities.”

“I will.”

The rings of light around your hands brightened up before disappearing. You let go of his wrist and your mind felt numb, he stepped forward and kissed you. It didn’t feel real, you wished it wasn’t. He took your hand and the two of you felt, you couldn’t hear anything, you couldn’t pay attention. Severus led both of you to a side room, he locked the door and placed a mufflilato charm before he relaxed.

“What did we just do Severus, that wasn’t apart of the agreement.” You were shaking and on the verge of tears. “Was this really worth it?”

Severus shook his head “I don’t know” he slumped against the wall. “I’m so sorry.”

You took a deep breath. “We just have to finish today that’s it.” 

“You know what comes next.”

“It’s not my business I fulfilled my end of every deal I’ve made. You can do whatever you want Severus, I love you but I’m not going to get in your way.”

“We will figure it out.” Severus wasn’t happy with the situation though you knew he liked you so his feelings right now weren’t about you. 

There was knocking on the door, it was Bellatrix letting you know the reception was about to start. You looked to Severus and he went to the door, you followed and he pulled you into a very tight hug before opening the door. You were too young for this and so was Severus.

Sitting next to Severus at a single table, there was almost a line to talk to the two of you though it felt almost fake. It allowed you to survey who had shown up, many of the sacred 28 had shown up including all of the Blacks with almost all of the inner circle death eaters as well. Cygnus, August, Crabbe, and Goyle came up individually to congratulate you but also welcome Severus into the ranks; There were only a handful of people your age there, Regulus Black and a few others from your year that were already death eaters. You had hoped Barty Crouch would show up though internally you weren’t sure why. You attempted to stay cheery even talking with Narcissa and Bellatrix often to keep your mood up. Like every other event Abraxas had put together you were just trying to get through it alive. They set up pictures to be taken including family pictures though it was Lucius, Narcissa, Abraxas, and Eileen, people who you didn’t feel like family. Slowly the reception ended and you were able to leave with Severus back to the guest cottage where he was now allowed to stay. He helped undress you but both of you were too tired to have sex so you fell asleep just next to him.

Now you were crying in the French Chateau your parents had left you, alone with Severus, you cried harder than you had before because you were free but not really. He held you against him, he kissed the top of your head, and did his best to comfort you but was just as upset himself. This wasn’t what either of you signed up for or wanted and he knew you wanted to leave no because of him but to get away from everyone who had hurt you for decades. Severus still believed in Voldemort's cause, he still wanted to be a death eater despite what others had done directly to you.

Those two weeks were filled with hate fucking one another and spending a lot of time outside. The two activities seemed to be what was needed to rest the two of you back to life in England though you wanted to stay here. 

When you got back the two of you learned that Severus’s parents had moved out of the house in Spinners End and had essentially disappeared, though Severus didn’t seem to care. So the two of you moved into that house, you had minimal belongings you were bringing with so the small house wasn’t bad. With full access to your account you bought a record player and a ton of records that you had constantly playing. This annoyed Severus though he enjoyed hearing you sing while you cooked or even when you were tending to the house plants you had bought. You particularly replayed the Blondie and Bee Gees records often though mostly when Severus was gone. You kept reading as much as you could as you weren’t sure if you were going to look at your NEWT scores or use them.

A week after you two got back from France it was Severus’s turn to be initiated into the inner circle. Getting dressed to go you felt gross but empty, you kissed him on the cheek before you apparate to the Manor. You enter the front doors together and it feels colder than usual, going up the stairs you find the room is already prepared for the meeting. You go to sit and Voldemort greets you kindly, Severus sitting next to you .

“Severus, F/N, I hope you are adjusting to married life well.”

You nod, smiling and place your hands in your lap intertwined with one another. The meeting begins and you disassociate as best you can, you would prefer no memories of this event haunt your dreams. It takes a little while before Severus is given the dark mark but it is soon over after that. You don’t want to look at it and you don’t want to know anything else, you keep the façade up before everyone starts to leave and apparate back as soon as possible. You didn’t go to bed that night, you really didn’t want to be near him.

You were safe now, Severus had never laid a hand on you or raised his voice and was generally patient with you. Coming from the Malfoy Manor where dinner was most likely a beating it was great but now instead of having hope of escape you had nothing. You were bound to him by marriage and an unbreakable vow, both of which neither of you entirely consented. Severus was an inner circle death eater, he was going to kill innocent people at some point in the war if not get killed himself. If he died what would you do, could you run to Remus and Dumbledore to get out or could you just slip out of the country and attempt to start over again somewhere else. You weren’t sure what to do anymore, it was just up to fate.


	13. 1981.

You had enough money in the Gringotts vault left to keep you at home for a few years as the war finished out, while Severus would disappear for days at a time on tasks from Voldemort. You tried to not care about what he was doing as long as he didn’t drag you into it but the longer the war dragged on the worse it got. Fall had long since come and go while winter was on its way out when Severus came home fairly upset.

Reading in the living room you didn’t attempt to get into his business until he came into the room visibly upset. Looking up you set your book down, it was late so you weren’t playing any music. “Can I help or do I just listen?”

“Listen.”

You nodded and sat up, you weren’t going to push it and he knew that. 

“I-” He faltered and didn’t seem sure if he wanted to talk “I think the end of the war is coming soon.”

You nodded along, “It’s been a long time since it started.”

There was nothing else to say between the two of you so he went upstairs and you stayed downstairs until very late again. Being next to him at night after he went on a mission from Voldemort never felt right. 

Winter ended, Spring came and you were terribly busy with a project you had started, and then it was summer all of a sudden. You've officially been married for a year and you saw in the paper that James and Lily had gotten married as well, you didn’t think of it twice. Severus then, in July got very nervous about something and you weren’t sure what because he wouldn’t tell you, you stayed away from it because if it was death eater stuff you wanted no part in it. Life went on as normal for you as it could have possibly been, but something changed with Severus he was even more secretive than before and while you thought maybe he was cheating on you, the unbreakable vow prevented that at least you hoped. Once again there was nothing you could do but live your life until things came crashing down. You had experienced too much hurt in the past few years to not live in the moment yourself. You were safe as long as Severus was a death eater doing what Voldemort wanted, no one else had any reason to come bother you and even Severus didn’t bother you often. You continued to collect music and plants, things that made you happy without much fuss. 

Severus continued to act in this odd fashion, still seeming to do missions as a death eater but instead of coming home and sleeping he would endlessly pace. He no longer seemed interested in anything other than drinking and death eater meetings. It was well over a year later and you had started going out to muggle gardens to work your projects so you saw him less and less as you came home increasingly later. All of a sudden he got a job at Hogwarts replacing Slughorn, you had no idea how he did that but you didn’t want to know something that could bite you in the ass. You saw the announcement of Narcissa’s son being born before Lily’s son so you didn’t pay much mind. You were okay with it though, you had a mostly normal life with someone who didn’t beat the ever loving crap out of you even if they were a death eater. Though this soon came all crashing down.

Halloween of 1981 hit you like a ton of bricks, you were working very late that night so when you got home it was well past midnight. Severus was sitting stiff in a chair and seemed inconsolable, you decided enough is enough and pushed the issue. You were terribly confused on why Severus was back here, it was supposed to be his first year teaching so why wasn’t he there.

“What happened Severus?”

“He killed Lily.”

You paused you knew what that meant but did you really, “What do you mean he killed Lily? Why would he?”

“Her son is the one in the prophecy, he’s dead.”

“Voldemorts dead? The wars over?”

“Yes.”

“Severus, how do you know that he killed Lily?”

“I found her and James.”

The wheels were turning in your head and they finally spun fast enough for it to make sense. He was at their house where Voldemort killed them, he was only upset by the fact that Lily was dead. You set your bag down and walked right back outside, you were going to lose it. Severus didn’t love you, he never did, he only ever truly loved Lily. You put your hands on your head and started to pace in the road when you heard the door opened again. 

“You fucking asshole. What else haven’t you told me?” You screamed at him though you didn’t mean it to be so loud but you were well past upset.

Severus saw the look on your face and knew you had figured things out by yourself. “I’m a spy for Dumbledore now-” There was more to that sentence that you were glad he cut off.

You put your hands on your face, you couldn’t believe it. “You just got me killed” You started shaking “I’m going to die because of you.”

Severus just stood there.

“Severus go back to Hogwarts.” You yelled at him which he did after a minute of him just staring at you.

You went back inside and played music to drown out your thoughts. It was coming, there was no way no one wasn’t coming to get you now. You slept barely realizing what was going to happen. 

It was a week later when people from the ministry came to the house though it was a request to participate as a witness in a trial of a death eater though it was more like an order. You got dressed and went with them willingly, there was no reason to make a scene because you had done nothing wrong. At the ministry they place you in a room by yourself, though you could hear what was happening in the courtroom above you. You heard a man you didn’t recognize yelling names of death eaters until you heard yours called. That fact you didn’t pass out was a surprise, the officials who had placed you in the room placed you under arrest, they led you to a room where you were placed in a literal cage that was cranked up into the courtroom. You were facing Barty Crouch but you could see Dumbledore out of the corner of your eye, why was he here. 

“F/N Snape you have been placed under arrest for being a suspected death eater do you have a plea.” Barty Crouch read from a piece of parchment before looking up at you, why did he have no emotion in his voice he knew you.

“I am not a death eater.”

“Do you have any evidence of this?” You were confused, he knew you weren’t a death eater why was he asking.

“Barty Crouch you personally know that death eaters kidnapped me after Dolohov killed my parents 13 years ago, I was held hostage by Abraxas Malfoy until my arranged marriage to Severus Snape. They beat me constantly, I talked to you on multiple occasions that even confirmed the initiation of Regulus Black as a death eater. I was not a death eater, I was never complicit in any of their activities. I am in constant fear for my life. Albus Dumbledore, Severus Snape, and Remus Lupin knew this as well.”

The court turned to Dumbledore, “The council knows that Severus Snape who was a death eater flipped before the end of the war. He has confirmed all of the things she said before and she confided in me these things at the time they were happening.”

“If you are able to confirm death eater names I will also confirm your story.” You were confused, you were never a death eater, you were married to one but he knew you had nothing to do about it why was he dragging this out.

“Augustus Rockwood, Cygnus Black, Bellatrix Lestrange, Regulus Black, Crabbe, Goyle, Abraxas Malfoy, and ….” You paused as scribes were scrambling to get your names down.

“And who Mrs Snape.” Barty Crouch barked and you cringed at what he had called you.

You took a deep breath because this was the one name you really didn’t want to say, you had seen him at Severus’s initiation to the inner circle with a dark mark. “Barty Crouch Junior.” You saw Crouch’s face fall and a commotion happened behind you. You turned and there he was on the floor struggling you hadn’t even noticed he had been in the room.

“I will personally confirm your story to the council. You have fulfilled your obligations to be cleared of the charges, please release Mrs. Snape and bring the next witness.” You looked around the room, you were so confused why they had brought you here in this manner, the cage lowered and you were taken out of handcuffs. They escorted you to the hall way and gave you back your wand before they went back to the room.

You leaned against a pillar. You weren’t going to Azkaban. The worst thing that could happen is someone could come kill you, probably better than prison though. You started to walk away when you heard Dumbledore behind you so you turned back.

“Are you alright?”

“I was just publicly accused of being a death eater, no I’m not alright.”

“You are cleared of all charges.”

“They will find and kill me for giving names.”

Dumbledore put his hands on your shoulders “No they won’’t, I will get Severus to come stay with you until we can move you somewhere safe.”

You moved back “I might be married to him but we are not together Albus, I want nothing to do with that man. ”

Dumbledore frowned, “We will get you somewhere safe.”

You didn’t respond, you couldn’t respond. He took you to the right fireplace and wordlessly said goodbye as you were taken back to Spinners End. 

Immediately you packed your trunk and knapsack, with your clothes, notebooks, and some of your favorite records. You turned everything off in the house and left. You took a muggle flight to Saint Tropez and went back to the Chateau you had honeymooned in the year prior, you felt safe here. You knew that if death eaters were going to come for you here you would have a better warning and be able to leave or fight. Though you didn’t plan on taking chances and told no one of your location or that you had purposefully left.

Severus returned to Spinners' End that night after you had already left, he was expecting you to have left the house out of anger over him but assumed you’d be back. You always came back to him even when you were truly upset with him. He came back again at winter break after Dumbledore told him to give you time, but it was obvious you hadn’t been back since you last left. The place was covered in dirt and your pillow was still on the couch. You hadn’t left a note and the last person you talked to was Dumbledore, even Dumbledore didn’t even know where you were. The months went by and he started assuming things though Lucius hadn’t heard anything from or about you either.

Once the newspapers stopped publishing the latest on the death eater trials you started feeling safer. You were able to go out and learn french well enough to work at a nursery in town, though you attempted to stay inside for the most part. When all of the death eater trials had concluded after several months you finally relaxed enough to send Severus a letter with 2 words on it “I’m alive.” Severus attempted to send you several letters with explanations of his actions but they were always returned unopened, he still didn’t know where you were.

It was the summer of 1985 by the time you had the courage to go back to England. You had no idea how you were going to exist there, you had no where to stay because god knows Severus and Lucius didn’t want you in their houses. You took a muggle flight back to London, you had no idea where to go from there. You decided to go back to Spinners’ End first, you had a right to live in that house as his legal wife and you were least likely to be turned away there.

A summer rain had come through so by the time you were knocking on the door you were soaked. Severus opened the door slowly and stared at you, you stared at him, he looked so much older for only a few years. He opened the door fully and ushered you in, you went to the living room dripping. You expected everything to be the same but without the plants and you were mostly correct, he kept some of the easier plants to care for at least. 

You stood facing each other and you both hesitated to speak at all. “I told you I was alive.”

“I sent you letters.”

“I never received them.”

“Where were you?”

“The chateau in St Tropez.”

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I thought I was going to die after naming those people.”

“People think you’re dead now.”

“Can we keep it that way?”

The conversation paused and you set down your trunk.

“How do you intend to do that?”

“I would like to live here and write if possible.”

“I don’t see why that would be an issue.”

“You broke me when I had no one and I’m here to get my life back, that’s it.”

There’s nothing left to stay that night.

You took to sleeping on the couch in the living room, you couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping in that bed again. Severus would sometimes come downstairs to you asleep covered in books or sometimes on the floor for some reason, he tried to not disturb you. When Severus left to go back to Hogwarts it felt even more freeing, you were generally happy and able to resume a generally normal life. You knew your place in life and as long as Severus kept his unbreakable vow, it would all be fine.


	14. Post WW1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're keeping up with the time skips. I have written this ending at least 6 times and I hope you enjoy these last two chapters.

It wasn’t that you had turned to alcohol as a coping method to handle the past 26 years of your life but it was certainly a crutch. In the summer when Severus was home you’d go to pubs to stay out of his space. It was almost daily that you would leave and come back not drunk but well past tipsy, though you were able to sleep better not being sober. You didn’t cry often, even when you were positively alone, you weren’t sad about it anymore you were just anxious.

You had got to the pub down the road early in the evening and weren’t back yet, while Severus normally didn’t stay up for you particularly he wasn’t going to sleep without you in the house. He waited a little while longer before getting dressed to go find you. When he walked in he saw you just sitting there, you seemed so empty, he hadn’t seen you like that since probably the day of your wedding. You noticed him and raised your eyebrows, he came over to you and just stood there in front of you. 

“Severus”

“It’s time to come home.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded and you stood up, you paid out after finishing your drink. You followed him out, staying mostly quiet as he walked you back home. You tripped on uneven pavers and Severus caught you with his arm which you grabbed but didn’t let go of. You had never talked about his childhood here directly, though you had heard things through Lucius about how his parents treated him. You had never really talked to Eileen even at the wedding and you never met his father. They had left the house after the wedding, neither of you knew why, nothing really reminded you of their previous presence other than their locked bedroom door. Thinking about it on the walk back sobered you up real quick. 

At the house you kicked off your shoes when Severus guided you upstairs, you objected but he told you, “If you fall off that couch drunk I can’t help you.” so you complied. You stripped your outer layers and flopped onto the bed, it smelled a whole lot like him. Severus went back downstairs to get a glass for water but when he came back you were fast asleep on his side of the bed. He grumbled about it internally but got into bed on the other side. It was the first time you two had shared a bed in nearly 5 years. When you woke up you thought you were in a dream because you were in a bed with Severus, you hadn’t thought that would happen again.

The next night you were curled up on the couch with a book, when Severus came downstairs in his sleepwear. You looked over to him and set down the book, what did he need from you.

“Come”

You raised an eyebrow, “What are you talking about?”

“You need to sleep in a real bed, it’s been a year.”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, now let's go to bed.” You grabbed your pillow and followed him upstairs, it felt less weird now than if he would have asked you last year but still weird. Severus got settled and you got into the opposite side of the bed, falling asleep a lot easier than you had in a long time.

In the morning you woke up in his arms, something you were not expecting, you were facing him with your head in his chest and his arms were wrapped very tightly around you. You didn’t want to move because honestly it was quite comforting and you didn’t want to disturb him. You closed your eyes again and waited until he started stirring himself. Once it was obvious that he was awake you pulled your head away from his chest, you were too close to him.

“We can’t do this.” You said and there was a pause before he kissed you. You grasped at his shirt and he pulled you closer to him. It seemed like you stayed in that position for a very long time until he pulled away. You sighed and pulled your body away from him, he seemed disappointed when you put physical space between the two. “Sev, I want to but I can’t get hurt by you again.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

“Show me.” 

You stopped drinking or at least going out to drink. It started back with sleeping in the same bed, though this was supposed to be more innocent than it turned out to be. There was a lot more touching than you cared to admit and other unsavory acts that put you back to sleep for a few hours. Severus went back to Hogwarts again eventually and he started campaigning to get you to do research at the university for the textbook you had continued to write. You reached out to Dumbledore who let you come visit a few times each year to do hands on work for Sprout, though you had to stay with Severus while there. You also reached out to Remus through a letter only letting him know that you were okay and that you were terribly sorry if he was hurt by thinking that you were dead. 

Rumors at Hogwarts would fly around each time you would visit, only a few really recognize who you were but you weren’t there long enough for anyone to really question you. You continued to work on the textbook, taking careful sketches for your own notes while piecing together chapters. There were light touches, looks between you two that reminded you of when you were in school. You knew that wasn’t true, nothing of what happened in school was long gone and it wasn’t even real. It had been 10 years since you had married Snape that you finally were okay with what you were with him, it felt okay kissing him without the love you used to feel for him. You had no one else to do these things with so why not just keep hooking up with the man you had been with for more than a decade.

You were giving a demonstration to some 7th years about Bubotuber extraction when Severus came into the greenhouse though stayed back to watch. You looked up to him and your students seemed way less comfortable with him around but you continued. 

“Severus do you want to help?”

He raised his eyebrows at his first name but came forward and put on gloves before you instructed him to hold the plant in a position that actually showed the students the movements needed to properly extract from the plant. When you were done you talked to the students for a bit before they left, when the door shut behind them you turned to him leaning your back against the table. 

“Can I help you?”

“Are you ready to leave tomorrow?”

“I’m packed” Severus shifted to stand in front of you “I’m almost sad this is my last visit here, once I have everything ordered correctly it’ll be actually finished.”

“Students like you and you teach well, you should consider talking to Dumbledore about becoming a professor.”

“Sev, I don’t want to mess with Professor Sprout's job.”

“Can you take a compliment?” Severus pinned you against the table with his legs and he brought your face closer to his. He kissed you and you relaxed into his grip, he somehow missed the few peering eyes that witnessed the kiss with much surprise. He let go of you after a minute and pulled away fully. “I need to meet with Minerva but tonight we celebrate.” His eyes shined with the excitement he didn’t show anywhere else.

“Hurry up, I’ll see you at dinner.” You poked him and he left, you packed up and headed out shortly after him.


	15. A New Job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this entire chapter because I didn't like the way I ended things before.

When you left the greenhouse you headed back to your room to set your things down before dinner. On your way there you saw Dumbledore walking towards you which was odd as you didn’t normally see him out and about like this. When he saw you his face lit up and the two of you closed the gap.

“F/N! Just the person I was looking for, will you come with me to my office?”

You nodded, “Of course.” It felt like you were in trouble again despite him being your boss and colleague at this point in your life. 7 years of having him as a headmaster really engrained his role in your life.

The walk wasn’t far thankfully so your anxiety wasn’t terribly high yet. Dumbledore was moving things around when he started talking to you again.

“How have you enjoyed your time here at Hogwarts?”

“Yes of course, Sprout is wonderful and I loved being able to get feedback for the textbook as well.” You stood facing him hands behind your back.

“You know we have enjoyed having you here and Panoma has enjoyed the help” Dumbledore stopped rifling through his things to turn to you, “I would like to invite you to work full time here as an assistant professor to Panoma.”

“That’d be… wonderful, though aren’t you concerned about Severus-“ He cut you off.

“Have you and Severus not rekindled your relationship while you have been here?”

“You know that our marriage will never be typical even despite it being arranged, I loved him, I did but now? I don’t know what it is now.”

He nodded, “Are you not planning to publish the textbook under the surname Snape?”

“I am”

“Dear I think you underestimate what time and true connection does to people.” He went looking for something again. “So we have an agreement? You will start working here full time as Panoma’s assistant professor next term?”

“Yes.”

“I shall make the announcement tonight at dinner.”

“Thank you Dumbledore.” He looked to you and the twinkle in his eye said everything you needed to know. “I need to go write to my publisher before dinner, is there anything else you need me for?”

“No, though I hope the book will be out in time for next semester.”

You smiled, “Me too.” You left with some pep in your step and quickly dropped your things off before heading to the Great Hall since dinner was starting shortly. You caught up to Minerva and Severus who were walking in the same direction.  
“He offered me a teaching position here.”

Both heads looked at you quickly “You agreed?”

“Of course I did.” You elbowed Severus lightly, “Though I think Severus will be sick of seeing me all the time after a while.”

Minerva lightly chuckled and rolled her eyes, “I don’t need another Snape taking away house points all Willy nilly.”

“We never actually told anyone that I’m a Snape… I wonder how that’s going to go down tonight.”

“Not well,” Minerva responded as you turned into the Great Hall that was now mostly full of children.

After sitting in your normal spot between the two, you turned to Severus and spoke to him in a low voice as you waited for Dumbledore. “How long have you known that Albus was going to offer me a teaching position?”

“Long enough.” You chuckled.

“I hope that means you’ll help me get the textbook published this summer.”

“Of course.”

You turned back to the room when Dumbledore entered and started speaking. Severus pressed his knee into yours and you smiled, what a stoic man.

“First off as some of you know it is Mrs. F/Ns last day here as Professor Sprouts assistant” You got some applause which thrilled you. “Though it is not her last day at Hogwarts as she will be joining us next term full time as Professor Sprout’s assistant professor, as now there will be two Professor Snape’s we will continue to refer to her as Professor L/N to avoid any confusion.”

You wanted to shoot a look at Severus because that seemed like a terrible way to introduce the fact that you are another Snape to a bunch of kids who really don’t like the original one. You gave a small wave but did not stand up. The reaction seemed more than confused and it was making you feel entirely confused. After a second, Dumbledore continued with his announcements and you leaned over to McGonagall to whisper ask. “How many house points do you think will be gone tomorrow?”

Minerva shot you a look because you knew it was going to be not pretty for any house, even the Slytherins. You sat back in your seat and you looked over at Severus who seemed a bit irritated but that seemed to be his normal vibe when around students. You finished dinner and went over to Sprout when everyone who was standing up, she greeted you with a hug before telling you how excited she was to have you around full time again. When you were done you turned around and Severus was waiting for you at the side door.

You walked with him back down to your shared room mostly wordlessly but not for any particularly bad reason. You saw a few students around the hallways but generally they had gone back to their common rooms for the night. Walking into the room you flopped yourself face down on the bed while Severus moved about the room. 

“Wine or whiskey?” You lifted your head up to look at him. 

“Wine please.” You heard him pour liquid into glasses and you sat up.

Severus handed you a glass and you immediately took a drink. He sat down in the chair next to the fireplace. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you Sev, that means a lot coming from you.”

“I’m not thrilled for tomorrow though maybe they won’t even bother me.”

“I mean it’s probably a shock to find out the professor they hate the most is married to the weird plant lady.”

“Weird plant lady?”

“Yeah” You stood up and finished your drink, “I think my healthy obsession with plants has made me look weird to others.” You poured yourself another drink and refilled Severus’s glass as well.

“I think you are passionate about something you enjoy.”

You moved back to sit on the bed but Severus pulled you onto his lap, you took a drink before it sloshed onto you two. “What are you passionate about, Sev?”

He pulled you into him where you were fully pressed against him. “I don’t know.”

You continued to drink but had nothing to respond with of substance. “Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Still here?”

“Yes, maybe in the DADA position.”

“Maybe you could write a textbook as well for DADA. you’re one of the most knowledgeable on the subject.”

He hummed in agreement, “We will see about that. I can’t imagine the reaction to buying two textbooks by a Snape.”

You nodded and closed your eyes, the night was pleasant with the fireplace and his embrace. The more you thought about it the more it felt weird. You pulled away and finished your drink before setting your glass down. “What are we doing Severus?” 

He looked up at you with wide eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean our lives have been so fucked up and now look at us teaching ar Hogwarts of all things?!”

Severus set his drink down and stood up as well. “We are doing what we need to do to make it here.”

“Severus I’m just… Do you not think it is weird that we are doing this after everything that happened?” You were starting to get emotional. “I left for years because you set me up to be killed and now we are sharing a room at Hogwarts where we are coworkers?!”

“We both had our reasons to do what we did, we’ve moved on.”

“I wanted to die to escape it, I had no one for my entire life and you hurt me worse than Abraxas ever could have.”

He put a hand on your shoulder, you wanted to push him off but you couldn’t. “Life goes on, we’ve moved on.”

You shook your head, “I thought I was okay being married to someone who didn’t love me because I had no other choice but it hurts Severus.”

Severus frowned, you hadn’t ever had this conversation with him. You both had avoided it for way too long. “I haven’t hurt you since you came back.”

“I know… I’m just… I don't know.” You wiped your eyes with the back on your hand to clear the tears accumulating. “We were so young and I don’t regret anything but I didn’t know how to handle any of that.”

“No one would have known how to handle that.” He moved his hand to your face and wiped away another forming tear.

“I just wish things were different.”

“We all do.”

“What are we going to do, Severus?”

“We are going to continue to move forward, it’s the only way to be happy.”

“I want to be happy with you.” You looked up at him and he kissed you, pulling you towards him again. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he guided you to the bed. His hands roamed your body and you let go of his neck to start undressing yourself. His lips moved to your neck and you started at his endless amount of buttons.

In the morning you woke up tangled in Severus’s limbs, unsticking yourself was slightly painful as your bare skin was stuck together. He stirred when you escaped him, getting up to finish packing so you could leave on time. You heard him grumbling as you shuffled around the room and found your clothes from last night to get dressed.

“Sev it’s time to get up for breakfast.” He grumbled again and you heard the rustling of sheets.

He was all of a sudden behind you, wrapping a arm around your waist and his lips going straight to your neck. You hummored him for a minute, closing your eyes to enjoy the moment while you could. 

“Sev, come on I’ve got to get ready to go.”

“Hmmm okay” Severus let you go after kissing the top of your head.

You got fully dressed and closed up your trunk before turning to Severus who was mostly dressed by then. He looked so much older compared to when you first met him, though you knew he probably thought the same of you. He looked over at you and smiled, he was a sweet man to you and you were happy with what you had now.

Heading to breakfast with Severus you were approached by some upper years who were asking about last minute NEWTs questions which you happily answered. Though the students avoided making eye contact with Severus and barely acknowledged his presence. That was amusing to see the difference in how students interacted with you two. Breakfast was quiet and when it was over you went back by yourself to grab your trunk as Minerva had pulled Severus aside. 

On your way back you were stopped by a group of students who seemed to have been waiting to get you alone. They were nervously looking around presumably for Severus. 

“Miss L/N, what did Dumbledore mean by you were a Snape?”

“My last name is Snape.” Their eyes grew wide. 

“So you’re with Professor Snape.”

“Yes, we are married. Do you all need anything else?”

“Since when?” You started walking again and motioned for them to follow.

“Since before any of you were born so I need you all to not bother him about this.” You made your way back to Severus and Minerva with the group in tow though you had lost a few stranglers who weren’t taking any chances. “Professor McGonagall would you mind telling this group the absolute horrors of getting into a relationship in your 5th year here at Hogwarts?”

Minerva smiled and hugged you before escorting the group away, Severus raised an eyebrow and you shrugged. “Nosey kids.” He nodded and the two of you walked to the train station together again mostly in silence. He kissed you briefly before you boarded and left wordlessly.


	16. The Good Years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not over yet. Also Miley Cyrus's cover of heart of glass is what I had in mind.

Your first term as assistant professor to Sprout went pleasantly and your textbook had been published quickly once you had returned home. It had been a true success and from feedback had been helpful in class as well as for OWL prep. You were absolutely thrilled by the outcome. Things otherwise didn’t change much, there wasn’t particularly much PDA by Severus not like you wanted to deal with the outcome of much of that. Severus would come to the greenhouse often after class and you would join him in his detentions, grading papers as kids scrubbed cauldrons. The new routine was pleasant and it worked for the two of you. 

Then Harry Potter showed up. Severus wouldn’t shut up about it and you could only roll your eyes, he was a kid he wasn’t in control of his life. Then you understood his despise when Harry and his friends continuously got into dangerous situations that could’ve been avoided if they just would have done what they were supposed to do. Though you didn’t take it out on the students you were thoroughly annoyed at the late night meetings caused by them. They were probably worse than the Weasley twins because at least they weren’t attempting possibly deadly acts. 

1993\. Severus would not shut up about Lupin becoming the DADA professor. It had been 14 years and you were excited to see a childhood friend who helped you immensely. You understood his concerns but as long as Lupin took the Wolfsbane potion as he needed there was no reason for worry. Remus didn’t come to Hogwarts until the day of the students' arrival, for reasons you could assume but didn’t dwell on. You were seated next to Sprout for the first dinner of the year leaving Severus alone next to Remus, an idea you were unsure was good. 

After dinner you went to go greet Remus, Severus in tow behind you that you still had positive feelings towards him. You turned down a corridor and came face to face with Remus who pulled you into a very tight hug. It lasted what Severus thought was too long but it had been a very long time since he had seen you alive. 

Remus pulled away and put his hands on your shoulders. “It’s been too long, I thought you were dead for so long.”

“I know and I’m so sorry it happened the way it did, after they accused me at the ministry I just didn’t feel safe.” You smiled brightly, Remus looked good for all of yours ages but so much different from the last time you saw him.

“I hope Abraxas’s death helped you and being here.” He squeezed your shoulders.

You nodded, “Yes they both did, I’m sorry I never got in contact with you when I came back. I assumed since” you glanced to Severus who was honestly being a baby over this, “that you wouldn’t want to.”

Remus let go of your shoulders and nodded as well, “I’m just glad you’re alive and here with us.” He looked over at Severus and back to you. “So you two have been married this entire time?”

Severus looked like he wanted to step in and cut the conversation but you answered anyways, “We have, though not like we’ve had much choice.” Remus scrunched his face in confusion, “We had to take the unbreakable vow at our wedding so we can’t get rid of each other just yet.”

Remus raised his eyebrows and looked to Severus who nodded, though disgusted at the honesty that you had with him. You were always honest with Remus, you had always trusted him and intended to continue that. 

You hugged him once more before backing off. “We have to go do Slytherin stuff but we will talk again soon.” He nodded again and you took off with Severus.

When you were out of earshot Severus started up. “You don’t have to continue to disclose every detail of our relationship to him.”

“It’s been 14 years since I have seen him and he knew about our situation for much longer than anyone else. I trust him to keep our secrets and he trusts us to keep his.”

“Was he not a part of a group that broke your ribs?”

You shot him a look, you know what you could respond with but you weren’t going to poke the bear at this moment. He seemed to back down after the look. “Severus, he is my friend and if I trust him, you should too.”

Severus didn’t respond to that though you knew he was internally grumbling about it. You thought about the bathroom incident and amused yourself with young and now old jealous Severus.

When you both arrived at the common room he stopped and spoke into your ear, “I am not jealous.” You just smiled and entered behind him.

Later that night he definitely showed you how jealous he was not by leaving copious amounts of marks all over you, he definitely wasn’t possessive. While Gildroy hadn’t made a pass at you in front of Severus you had overheard a conversation between the pair where Gildory had attempted to weasel out of the situation. That was amusing but Remus was your friend and only your friend so Severus was going to have to be okay with you talking to him.

The last thing on your mind was Sirius Black, while the whole thing was slightly concerning you had a feeling that Sirius was not here to harm Harry. Though Severus was dead set on being the one to turn him in which you weren’t even going to get into. You did end up spending several nights on the couch in the Slytherin common room to make sure some of at least the first years felt safer. 

There were multiple incidents including dementors and Harry Potter that sent the entire school into hysterics but none worse than when Harry Potter went to the shrieking shack. You were yet again in the Slytherin common room, though alone as Severus had just left for whatever reason, the crowded common room turned to you.

“What are you all looking at?”

“We never see you without Professor Snape unless it’s during class.”

“I guess so but what does that matter to you all.”

The group was silent but a blonde head poked up and you instantly regretted the idea of entertaining conversation with them at all.

“Why did my grandfather call you a traitor when he saw you were teaching here?”

You scratched at the back of your head, “What else has Abraxas or Lucius told you about me Draco?”

“You were on outside until you married Professor Snape and then you became a traitor.”

You raised your eyebrows, “Draco do you know who raised me?”

“No.”

“Your grandfather raised me in your house, Lucius was like an older brother to me. I’m surprised that they talked about me in such a way when they encouraged me to marry Professor Snape.” The crowd quickly looked from you to draco and back. “I teach Herbology and I wrote a textbook so you’d think they’d be proud of their fellow Slytherin, like I would be of all of you when you graduate here.”

“But aren’t you a pureblood?”

“Draco I would find it quite wise to only ask questions you need to know the answer to, like how can I avoid detention with Professor Snape if he heard you asked about things like this?”

That shut Draco up quickly though you also assumed because of the time no one wanted to press you on anything because you were always as open as you could be. Their trust meant a lot to you, if you had this level of trust when you were here maybe things wouldn’t have ended up the way they had. 

McGonagall came through the door and was surprised to see so many students though she wasn’t even going to bother asking. She beckoned you and you got up calling behind you, “If any of you leave for any reason other than you’re dying, you’ll be scrubbing cauldrons for the rest of the year.” Minerva chuckled at that but it did send some to bed which made her more at ease.

When you were down the hall enough out of earshot Minerva caught you up.

“Of all nights it had to be tonight?”

“Mhmm” Is the only response you got but you pass a window where the light from the full moon shown in. 

After sorting Severus out and the children it was almost the morning. You made sure Severus was asleep and checked the common room again to make sure everyone was in bed before taking a walk. It felt like you were just making endless loops around the castle until breakfast when you went to check on Severus again, who was very sound asleep from the potion Madam Pomfrey had given him. You went to the Great Hall and counted heads at the Slytherin table before sitting to eat next to Sprout who had only been woken up when Sirius Black had been placed in the prison tower and then when they found the cell empty early in the morning. You hadn’t informed Severus of Sirius’s escape yet, though you thought it best to not come from you. Remus wasn’t at breakfast so you decided to go see if he was in his office before checking his personal room.

Remus was in his office and you lightly tapped on the door before opening it. He was packing and you knew why but didn’t want to comment.

“Remus-”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything that Severus has done.”

“I know I’m just still so sorry for how things happen, I mean I know it’s been a decade but I regret a lot of it.”

Remus paused packing and rounded the desk to face you. “It wasn’t your fault, no one could have done any better in the circumstances you were given.”

You took a breath “The night Lily and James died, I lost everything.”

His face showed his confusion but nodded for you to continue.

“I came home and… I found out about his flip but also” You broke eye contact and looked to the window, wiping your face of forming tears. “Severus has never loved me, it was always Lily.”

Remus pulled you into arms. “I’m so sorry, we all thought it was real except for you know.”

“So did I” The tears started flowing more.

“You seem happy now, you can’t change things so why not be happy while you can.”

“I mean we are I guess but it hurts sometimes.” You pulled away as you tried to gather yourself again. “Thank you Remus, for being the only person who ever really loved me.”

His smile was pained and so was yours, you wiped away more tears. “You’re alive and well, that’s all we could ever hope for.”

“You know you will have to reintroduce me to Sirius and maybe he won’t break my ribs this time.”

“I strongly assume that was actually James who did that-” You laughed but turned when he cut himself off and saw no other than Harry Potter himself. 

Quickly wiping away tears you turned back to Remus, “Good luck Remus.” You left without a word to Harry because you really weren’t in the mood to even go down that route.

When you were out of earshot Harry asked Remus, “What was that all about?”

“We went to school together, just reminiscing on our school days. Now what did you need?” Remus attempted to change the subject without raising much suspicion. 

That summer Remus sent a letter to you inviting you to tea at an address in London, you told Severus you were going out but not to where you knew he’d be displeased by it. It took a minute to find it and following the instructions on the letter you discovered the house. You were a little bit early but that wasn’t normally an issue, so you knocked. A second later Remus was at the door and let you in, directing you to the living room. That’s when you saw Sirius Black for the first time in 15 years. 

“Sirius”

Sirius looked up from his spot on the couch and stood up, “F/N, haven’t we gotten old.”

You laughed and approached him, it was awkward and both of you hesitated but you hugged it out for the first time. “I’m so sorry Sirius.”

There was a pause and all three of you sat. Sirius looked from Remus over to you. “Remus never told us it was an arranged marriage.”

You raised your eyebrows at Remus, “It was probably best that way, Abraxas probably would have killed me if a lot of people found out.”

“I don’t remember much I ever liked about that man but Lucius seemed to turn out better than him.”

“Lucius saved my ass a lot in that house, fixed a lot of broken noses. Speaking of which one of you fuckers broke my ribs.”

Sirius laughed heartily and you smiled, there were no harsh feelings about the incident. “To be honest I don’t remember but it was probably me.”

“Did Barty Crouch oversee your trial?”

“Yes.”

“You know what I thought was so odd was that he saw me at Abraxas’s parties and knew they were holding me hostage but he still treated me like I was fucking one of them.”

“Regulus told me of those parties once, I’m glad I never went.” Then the two of you paused, there were a lot of things that were going to be left unsaid it was just better that way. “So you’re still married to Severus?”

You nodded “Married 15 years, together total 17. It’s been a very long time.”

“Even after everything that happened and how he is now?”

“It’s not like I have anyone else, I… I used to genuinely love him you know. It was good for a while.”

Sirius looked to Remus, but Remus already knew all of this. “He’s never hit you though right?’

“No never, that’s a big reason why I’m okay with what the relationship is, he’s the first person I’ve lived with who didn’t curb stomp me every other week.”

The conversation moved on from that point to gossiping about the current staff at Hogwarts other than Severus. It was pleasant, they felt like your real friends and especially it being outside of Hogwarts. You enjoyed the moment and left feeling better than when you came.

Later that summer you received another letter from Lucius inviting you and Severus to dinner, after much debate the two of you agreed. You had an idea that Draco was behind part of the invitation but you couldn’t do much else. Severus and Lucius were friends and you were like a little sister to him so there was obligation that made the invitation feel a certain way. 

Arriving at the manor you felt a nervousness that you hadn’t felt in a very long time. You were wearing an actual dress instead of teaching robes so this felt like another dreaded dinner party although it was just the 5 of you. At the door Lucius greeted you with a hug that you weren’t expecting and then Narcissa. 

“I’m glad to know that you’re alive in the flesh, it’s been too long.”

Draco looked a little confused because his parents were at ease with the pair of you. 

“I know, I know. The last time I saw you was at Severus’s…” You didn’t finish but the 4 of you knew what you were referring to. 

“Come let’s go eat and we can continue to talk.” Lucius led the way upstairs but all of you never the way. The room gave you chills that you hadn’t felt in a very long time and Severus guided you forward with a hand on your back.

After pleasant talk while eating, you turned to Lucius when the plates were cleared. “I think I’m the most surprised that Draco didn’t recognize me from your wedding photos, if I remember correctly Severus and I were in a large part of them.”

Lucius nodded, “After your trial, Abraxas went through all of them and got rid of the ones with you in it. He almost burned down the cottage.” You smiled and took a long drink.

“That’s not surprising either.”

“What trial?”

The four of you looked to Draco who you all basically forgot was there as he had been unusually quiet. You looked from Draco to Lucius who nodded, Lucius assumed you still held the same beliefs on blood purity which meant more than being a death eater. Severus looked at you but there wasn’t much you could say since he could look it up himself.

“Draco, I was implicated as a death eater by someone who did not know me so I was put on trial where I had to give the ministry names or I would have been put in Azkaban.”

Lucius piped in, “She did what she had to do to not be killed by the ministry.” You nodded and the conversation continued. 

Draco eventually was sent to bed but he was a hormonal teenager who seemed upset by being cut out of the conversation. It felt odd that you had such weird feelings about someone who could be considered your nephew and also showing basic affection in front of others, those also having seen you been affectionate before/

“Where did you go for those years after the war?” Narcissa asked after a pause in the conversation. 

“Where do you think I went?”

Narcissa shook her head, “We could never figure it out.”

“The house I got in my inheritance, same place we” You looked at Severus “went after the wedding.”

Lucius nodded “Makes sense, no one in the ministry could find you so we assumed it was overseas.”

The conversation died again and all continued to drink. The conversation didn’t pick back up until you were preparing to leave.

You hugged Lucius and Narcissa again, “Thank you Lucius, I know having me in this house for that long must have been hard but I appreciate everything you had done for me.”

Lucius smiled, “Of course, you were a child and you are my sister. I will always do my best to protect you.”

Severus put a hand on your back and you said your final goodbyes before you both left. Life seemed to be falling back into place and Severus was pleased to see you make progress. Though this didn’t mean there weren’t other dangers arising that was seemingly going to be problematic. 

Start of next term was fine, tri-wizard tournament and Moody as DADA professor included. You felt entirely uncomfortable around Moody and you let Severus know that as well but he dismissed it as him being literally crazy. 

You went to the first task but generally attempted to stay out of the way of the Harry Potter once again. Then the Yule Ball came around and you were in fact not going to dance with Severus, though it was mostly his request which you obliged. You stood with Severus keeping an eye on who you could, then all of a sudden you had a redhead in front of you.

“Mr. Weasley do you need something?”

“I wanted to ask you to dance with me if you weren’t doing anything else.”

You laughed and looked to Severus who looked thrilled at the proposition. “Don’t you have your own date to dance with?”

“Yes but she got sick and left, and you are the only lady I can ask.” 

“Okay Mr. Weasley, just this once.” You turned to Severus who was going to object but wasn’t going to show emotion like that. You winked at Severus before following George to the dance floor. “How much money did you win from me saying yes?”

“10 galleons.” George looked sheepish as he hadn’t expected you to say yes. 

“If I don’t get a chocolate frog from that prize money I will be upset.” The look on his face brightened, though you knew where his hands were at was not going to go down well with Severus but it wasn’t your fault he didn’t want to dance. 

The two of you danced for a while before you politely excused yourself to head back to Severus who was talking with Igor. Igor was the bastard who named you at his trial and you were not pleased that he was here. 

“Enjoying your frivolity?”

“Yes Severus, despite what you may think George is the better twin.”

Severus scoffed at that, “There’s not a difference between any of the Weasleys.”

You didn’t respond but raised your eyebrows. The conversation ceased and Igor eyed you heavily before Severus left the room with Igor in tow. They brought out the band most of the staff had cleared out except for you and flitwick who was currently being crowd surfed. Severus didn’t come back inside after a while so you decided to make sure to be the one to get everyone back safely.

After a few songs the leader singer picked you out as you had just been enjoying from the side lines. You were surprised. 

“I think we should let the prettiest teacher here make a request.”

That flattery was welcomed any day of the week, though you were probably the youngest even at 35. After a second of silence and a Wealsey yelled out something you shrugged. “You guys know any Blondie?” The singer looked back to his band and they generally agreed. 

“Any song but you have to sing it with us.”

You laughed but agreed, tonight was about having fun and this was a chance you wouldn’t have again. You got help up onto the stage from some surprisingly strong Durmstrang boys and they procured you a microphone. “Heart of glass?” You asked the band and they nodded, beginning to play. You couldn’t help but laugh, what in the world were you doing but the students seemed into it.

The chorus started “Once I had a love and it was a gas  
Soon turned out had a heart of glass  
Seemed like the real thing, only to find  
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind”

You got a lot of thrilled applause which made the next sections a lot easier to sing in front of people instead of alone. It was quick after you started that you saw Severus come back into the dance hall without Igor, you smiled and he smiled back. 

“In between  
What I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine  
Love is so confusing, there's no peace of mind  
If I fear I'm losing you it's just no good  
You teasing like you do”

You continued to make eye contact through that chorus only of which a few noticed including the Weasley twins who cheered. What a sight you must have been, a young teacher in a fancy dress belting a song with a band in front of students. The students seemed to having a blast so when the song ended the energy seemed to die, the same Durmstrang boys helped you down and you waded through the crowd to get to Severus. 

Severus wasn’t smiling outwardly anymore, he rarely did unless in private, but seemed more pleased than not with you. When you got to him you were laughing. Another song had started and there were no eyes on the two of you, he cupped your face with a hand and you put a hand on his waist. 

“I can’t leave you alone for a minute.”

“I would have done even if you were standing next to me.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“Severus I love you.” 

Severus didn’t seem to hesitate when he kissed you, though it lasted briefly, it was the first true physical affection he had shown towards you in front of students. You wondered what had changed but didn’t want to question it. 

When he pulled away you asked, “I’m going to stay to make sure everyone gets back okay, what are you going to do?”

“I can assist.” 

You smiled, “Try to enjoy yourself a little.” 

He nodded and stayed where he was while you went back to the mob, where the Weasley twins sucked you into the crowd. You were now the official fun professor who was now being shoved into a dancing group. You felt too old for this but you were having innocent fun. 

When the night ended and you were walking back to your room with Severus you heard running behind you. Turning it George Weasley who had a chocolate frog in hand. 

He handed it to you and looked nervously at Severus, “Thank you Mr. Weasley, now if you don’t go straight to bed I will sick Professor Snape on you.”

He nodded and ran off, you laughed and continued walking. You looked at Severus who was confused, “He got 10 galleons for getting me to dance with him so my price was a chocolate frog.”

Severus scoffed, “If you were going to participate in their childish games you could’ve gotten a much bigger cut.”

“Probably but it’s all fun.”

Severus didn’t respond but you were close to the room anyways. Once inside with the door locked Severus turned to you and grasped you, pulling you into him. 

“Calling me a tease in front of a group of student” He tsked as he stared straight into your eyes.

“Those are just the lyrics.” You bit your lip lightly. 

“Oh I know” He picked you up and tossed you on the bed, before kneeling over you. “I’ll make them true.”

You didn’t respond, you just kissed him.

Yet again not much changed after that night. In your first class back you had a hard time getting them to be quiet but you didn’t blame them, the Yule ball was really fun and unique.

“Professor L/N” You looked up and pointed to the kid indicating for them to speak “Did we really see you kiss Professor Snape?”

“For the last time we are married we can do those things!” 

“We never see him be nice to anyone!”

“You act like I don’t know that. Is there anything else from not class we need to clear up before we start?”

“We didn’t know you could sing like that!”

“You would sing like that if you listen to that record everyday for the past 15 years too.” You rolled your eyes and started on your lesson.


	17. Order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying my best to finish this series up the best I can. I'm also posting NSFW one shots as separate works for those who would like that.

The night before the 3rd task you felt entirely uneasy. At dinner Igor was being creepy again and Moody was acting strange for the few moments he was there. It didn’t feel right, Moody wasn’t right. Once Moody had left you leaned to Severus and told him you had a bad feeling about Moody being involved with the 3rd task but he brushed it off. He knew you had anxiety from the trial all those years ago and having an Auror around that was a part of it was putting you on edge. You had deeper feelings than just lasting anxiety over that trial, it was something more than that but something you couldn’t put your finger on, 

After dinner the two of you took a walk around the castle. The first of many rounds Severus was going to be doing that night but you normally only went with him on the first few since you could never be awake enough to ever catch anyone. It wasn’t curfew yet though it was getting close so when you were walking up the stairs near Gryffindor tower it wasn’t a surprise to see some students around the entrance. 

They seemed to be having a party or were at least celebrating and you put your hand on his arm, it wasn’t worth it to bust them for having fun before the end of the tournament especially when it wasn’t hurting anyone. Severus gave you a look and you mocked the look back at him.

“Let them have fun for a little bit, if you come back and catch them after curfew then that’s their fault.” Severus reluctantly agreed to let it go and move on, following you back down the stairs. “Can I show you something?” You put your hand on his arm and he nodded so you pulled him down a hallway to the greenhouse.

It was dark in the greenhouse so you flicked light into the lanterns with your wand before pulling him over to your corner where you had a row of planters covered up.

“Plants?” You frowned at his disinterest but knew he didn’t know what you were trying to show him. Carefully lifting up the cover you reveal Bubotubers with a stark white body with a red S as the only accent.

“I’ve been working on a Bubotuber variety that has a higher yield and effectiveness and I got a color pattern that looks like an S and I know it’s early in testing but if it is what I think it is I want to name it after you.” Looking at Severus, he had gone from stone cold to an open mouth smile. 

He pulled you into a hug, “This is wonderful, are you getting good results.”

“It’s going well, it just might take more time than I was expecting.” You wrapped your arms around him and pressed your head into his chest. 

The two of you stood there for a minute before Severus kissed the top of your head. “I’m so proud of you, I love you.”

Your body didn’t know how to react to that, your heart felt like it had stopped but you also wanted to cry. You certainly didn’t feel like you could respond with words. Your eyes welled with tears, everything he had said meant so much to you, you felt it coming and repressed a sob that certainly didn’t seem appropriate for such simple words. You buried your head further into his chest and just cried silently.

Severus kissed the top of your head again before pulling up your face so he could look at you, red swollen eyes that were still wet with tears. He wiped tears away with his thumbs, his facial expression was soft and he leaned in to kiss you but paused briefly. “You are doing amazing.”

“Severus-“

He cut you off with a kiss that was like he knew what you were going to say. That he knew that you were scared and you knew he would never admit to being scared as well but you knew that it wasn’t all okay. You had stopped crying but tears still escaped.

The kiss lasted only for a minute before pulling away only enough to talk to you. “I. Love. You.”

His hands were still on your face and so when your tears started again his hands were soaked. “I love you too Severus.” He kissed you again and you relaxed heavily into him.

What the pair of you didn’t notice was the group of Gryffindor students who had somehow managed to stay quiet enough to watch the last part of the interaction happen without either of you two noticing. After a minute it became quite awkward for them to watch two professors kiss especially when one of them was crying. They slunk back into the common room which had died down once curfew hit. The group was hoping to get more information on the tournament or overhear something about Snape’s suspected death eater membership but they got more than what they bargained for. They knew the two of you were married and had been for a very long time but had never seen the two of you express any real emotion towards each other, none of the group had actually seen the kiss at the Yule Ball but heard about it the day after. Seeing you two interact in that way, displaying actual emotion, felt like things were changing. Why would Snape show emotion after all these years if there wasn’t another reason behind it.

You ended up staying behind in the castle during the 3rd task so you had more or less volunteered to keep an eye on everything while everyone was away. You planned on staying in the greenhouse to work on some research notes while taking occasional routes around the castle. You had no idea when it was going to end so you generally kept going around the castle until you saw Moody dragging Harry up to his office. You followed behind him and when Harry spotted you, you put a finger up to your lips. If you could catch Moody by surprise in his office when Harry was not in the splash zone for whatever spell you might have to use.

You slipped into his classroom when you heard the office door shut, climbing up to his office you knocked on the door. “Alastor, can you help me? The Weasley twins are on broomsticks in the hallway-” The door swung open and you took a step in the doorway to prevent it being shut on you. 

You glanced to Harry who did not look comfortable and then to Moody who seemed irrationally angry. 

“You fucking traitor.”

“Excuse me?” Moody turned his wand to you, you gripped yours tighter but didn’t point because you really didn’t want to do this in front of Harry.

“You know what you did, you gave them my name!” He was screaming by that point and you knew right then and there that he wasn’t Moody, you were right all fucking along.

“What are you referring to because the only names I’ve ever given out were 14 years ago and that had nothing to do with Alastor Moody.”

“You got me sent to Azkaban! How could you act like this when you were closer to Voldemort than any of us!” You clenched your jaw and you weren’t shaking yet, you really did not need him to say that in front of Harry Potter of all people. But you knew who it was, the only one to be sent to Azkaban from your trial, Barty Crouch Jr. though he was supposed to be dead.

“Barty where is Alastor?” Barty didn’t respond but started casting spells which you blocked most of but were hit with a stun spell that knocked you out immediately.

Barty dragged your unconscious body into the room before shutting the door, with his wand he carved the word TRAITOR on your inner left forearm and shoved your body into a corner for him to deal with later.

Harry who was awake for the entire interaction did not know how to respond. Why had you called Moody, Barty and why had he accused you of giving names at a trial. Barty who was still looking like Moody started to act even stranger with his face bubbling and him seizing. Had you been a death eater and that was why you were married to Snape. Did this have to do with the way you reacted to Lupin coming to Hogwarts and how friendly you were towards him. What did you do in the war? 

Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape bursted into the room as Barty aka Moody raised his wand towards Harry. Their focus was only on the imposter which they seemed to have figured out separately. Once Barty admitted to not being Moody, they opened the trunk to see the real Moody but Harry could only point to the other side of the room.

“Professor L/N” Severus paused as Harry said that name, having ignored Harry’s pointing up until that point. The three adults turned to see your slumped body in the shadows, arm bleeding heavily onto the floor. Severus didn’t know how to respond, he hadn’t encountered you since 5th year with the broken ribs and didn’t know how to react in front of others.

Minerva went to you and Severus pointed his wand at the imposter Moody who was now melting back into his original form. Albus grabbed Harry and pushed him away as Severus dug his wand into the cheek of Barty Crouch Jr who was the last person they expected to see. Severus’s stomach sank a little, Barty was the one person you named in 1981 that got sent to Azkaban and he was supposed to be dead.

“She’s breathing.” Severus heard Minerva say but didn’t move his wand from Barty’s cheek.

Severus stayed calm as Barty ripped up his sleeve to reveal his dark mark, Albus forcing Harry to show his cut arm as well before Barty went on about Voldemort being back. The only thing that caught his actual attention after that was when Harry asked Dumbledore why you had been on trial as a death eater. Severus looked to Albus and shook his head, this was not the time or place to talk about that and not his story to tell. 

By the time the first order meeting that next summer was scheduled your arm was healed well, though faint lines of the word were still visible on your skin. It had taken a lot of internal convincing to not just up and leave again. You were surprised that Barty hadn’t just killed you though you assumed it was for the same reason why Harry hadn’t been killed. You had left Hogwarts that night for the rest of the year which wasn’t long but you needed alone time and to be somewhere you felt safe. Spinners’ end wasn’t the best spot but at least you knew what you were getting yourself into. 

Severus hadn’t wanted you to go to the order meeting though Albus had invited both of you to go for whatever reason. Albus knew what you two could and could not do, while you were willing to support the cause generally if you put yourself out there it would cause more trouble. 

Arriving at the Black household in London you walked in with Severus behind you, reminding yourself you didn’t tell him you had met Sirius and Remus here a while back. Knocking on the door to the meeting room you opened the door, revealing a whole host of people you semi recognized. 

“Who is this?” Someone asked from You slightly regretted not letting Severus walk in first but it was too late for that change.

“I’m F/N Snape, Albus invited me to attend with Severus.” The room got a little quiet as Severus walked behind you over to his seat. He was displeased with everyone in the room but that wasn’t unusual. 

Remus came up from the side and you hugged him quickly. “Heard Barty Jr got you.” You nodded and extended your left arm to him to show him, he was the expert in scars. “Looks like it healed just fine.”

Both Weasley parents introduced themselves to you and were generally pleased to see a professor most of their children liked. Sirius winked at you and you were going to slug but you held off. When the attention turned from you to something more serious you grabbed Remus’s arm as he went to go sit back down. 

In his ear you whispered, “He did it, he said it.” Remus pulled away smiling before looking towards the hallway. 

You let go of his arm, apparently none of you had heard the front door opening with the crew that grabbed Harry Potter. There was a girl who looked displeased at the interaction she just saw, with Harry Potter at the end of the group. You moved out of the way and went to your seat as they shut the doors on Harry, apparently this was an adults only meeting. 

Severus grabbed your thigh when you sat down next to him, but you weren’t sure about the emotion coming from behind it. You kept your mouth shut and just listened as the meeting officially started

“Do we really need two death eaters in the order?” You knew that dig was coming for you, and it came from that girl who looked angry at your talk with Remus.

“I wasn’t a death eater.” You replied plainly and as calmly as you could. Sometimes you wished you could do it like Severus.

“You were put on trial for it, you just named enough names to not get convicted.”

You made eye contact with Sirius before speaking, “Sirius got convicted and they had a lot more evidence on me, that trial means nothing.”

There was a pause, Remus had calmed her down. 

You looked around the room, “Does everyone here trust Severus?” The nods were slow but happened. “Then you should have no problem trusting me.”

The meeting ended shortly after that exchange and you pulled Severus aside into the hallway.

“I need to stay and talk to Harry, he heard a lot with Barty and I just need to tell him myself.”

“You don’t owe him anything.”

“I know and I will not mention your things, I just need it to come from me.”

Severus paused but nodded, if he was going to trust you, now was the time to do it. You kissed him lightly before he turned and left, hopefully he really was okay with it. 

By the time you were back in the kitchen most everyone had left except for the Weasleys, Sirius, Remus, and that woman. You went and sat at the table while everyone went and got the kids to come eat, you weren’t terribly hungry but you needed to control the narrative even if it might be too late.

The twins got into the kitchen first and were terribly excited to see you for whatever reason.

“If the two of you try to prank me while I’m here I will not hesitate to tell Sprout and Severus.”

The two frowned but it didn’t bother their mood. “You’re a member of the order?”

You shrugged “It’s complicated.”

They felt the tension in the room and decided to leave it alone, though all the younger kids were now entering the room who were equally surprised to see you sitting at the table. It was going to create more questions than answers but it was what you needed to do. Sirius and Remus sat on either side of you with the kids spread out on the other side of the table, plus the girl next to Remus. You were hoping to leave before dinner because you didn’t have the personal connection to anyone but remus that everyone else had.

“Okay who all has heard what Barty Crouch Jr said to me?” Arthur came and sat at the table while Molly continued cooking.

Everyone had their hands raised. Fuck.

“Next question has anyone looked me up or attempted to research what he said?”

The girl next to Remus and the kids raised their hands, you felt bad for Arthur who probably didn’t want to hear anything about this. You rubbed your forehead with both hands and Sirius put a hand on your back.

“So the short version is I am basically Lucius Malfoy’s sister, so after I got married to Severus and the war ended a lot of people thought I was a death eater. You know evil by association” you looked to Sirius who nodded. “I was named and put on trial for being a suspected death eater, as a part of evidence of my innocence I basically named a bunch of people who I knew were death eaters including Barty Crouch Jr. I need you all to know that my life is in constant danger because of this, I mean Harry you saw what happened first hand. Are there any questions?”

“So you’re related to Draco?”

“Not exactly, I was” You looked at Remus who gave you no back up “adopted basically by Draco’s grandfather.”

“How did you know my parents?”

“We” you motioned to yourself, Remus, and Sirius “were all in the same year at Hogwarts including Severus and Peter.”

“You were a little more than that.” You and Remus shot a fierce look to Sirius who seemed to be enjoying himself, you were kind of sick of that.

The group in front of you were now awaiting a response to that as well as the other two adults at the table. “Yeah, Remus and I dated for like a year at Hogwarts but that has absolutely nothing to do with this conversation. Also that was like 18 years ago.”

“So you’re saying we could have had our favorite professor who wasn’t married to the biggest asshole at Hogwarts?” That was Fred and you decided to keep your cool.

You sucked your teeth in, “I’ve been married to Severus for 16 years now and I have been with a total of 18 years. I know he’s a jerk and you don’t like him, but-” you stopped yourself, you couldn’t complete that thought out loud. “Look guys I wouldn’t be here without him and I think you just need to get over whatever you have against him.”

Ron scoffed but you knew you couldn’t take it personally. 

“I’m here to make sure you trust me. Remus trusts me. Albus trusts me. Sirius should trust me although I will get you back for that thing. You need to trust me and whatever Dumbledore has planned out.”

“I told you that was James.” Sirius fake complained, he knew you were just trying ease the tension.

“My fist still has your name on it though.” You faked your elbow going to hit him and he smacked your arm. 

“What did my father do to you?”

“He broke my ribs in 5th year for dating Severus after Remus and I broke up.”

There was a pause, the amount of information you had revealed to such a large group of people left you feeling extra vulnerable but you needed to do it. You wouldn’t have another chance to tell them all of this in a place they felt safe.

“Why do we never see you act like a married couple with Professor Snape?”

“Everyone’s relationship is different and what you see with your parents certainly is a way of doing things but it’s not the only way.”

“But he didn’t even dance with you at the Yule Ball!”  
“And we’ve only seen you kiss once but you were crying!”

Fred elbowed George hard when he revealed they had seen what had happened in the greenhouse the night before the last task. You wanted to respond but pushed your chair back, “I think I’ve said enough already.” You stood up and hugged Remus, Sirius, then said goodbye to the other adults in the room before walking out to the hallway. 

As you were reaching the front door Harry grabbed your arm to stop you. You glanced up to make sure no one else was following. 

“Why did you tell Remus before he left Hogwarts that he was the only person who ever loved you?”

“Because Harry, the life we live is hard, Remus, Sirius, Severus, and I, have suffered beyond your comprehension and life takes its toll on all of us differently. I’m sorry I need to go now.” You pulled out of his grasp and left the house, arriving home only an hour after Severus.

Harry went back to the kitchen to eat. After he pulled Remus and Sirius aside while Tonks joked around with the twins. In the side living room they shut the doors quickly.

“Remus why did you and L/N break up?”

Remus looked to Sirius who didn’t know how to respond either. “We just didn’t work out, why do you ask?”

“I feel like there’s something more to that, like that’s why she acts the way she does around Snape.”

“Snape isn’t hurting her if that is what you’re insinuating.”

“No- like there must have been a better reason for her to have been with him all this time. Dumbledore showed me the trial where she named death eaters but part of it was blurred, something she was telling Barty Crouch. Dumbledore was able to clear Snape’s name when he was a death eater but she had to go to trial..”

“How much of that memory did you see?”

“Just a little bit but her being here tonight just made me think of it again.”

“F/N was always a good person, she didn’t deserve the life she got dealt but none of us did.”

“That doesn’t explain-”

“Harry, please listen to me. F/N has always been in incredible amounts of danger and her relationship to Snape made things a lot better.”

“Why did Barty say that she was the closest to Voldemort then, more than the death eaters?”

Remus looked to Sirius who stood at the doors to mediate if someone came knocking or eavesdropping. Sirius didn’t know how to respond to that even though he knew the answer to that question so Remus deflected. 

“I don’t know Harry, but don’t let this distract you from what’s at hand. Whatever her relationship may be to Voldemort or the death eaters is long gone, we need to focus on the future.”

Sirius opened the doors and Remus escorted Harry back to the hallway where the weasley crew was gathered to wait for him. They knew it was going to be an issue if he kept asking questions.


	18. Obligation to the ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long one my friends also comments make my day so much better so please let me know what you think. As always spelling mistakes are to be expected but let me know if I've royally screwed up something else.

Things seemed to be fine in Spinners End the two of you relished in the quiet that came with being away from Hogwarts. You spent a lot of time in bed just being held, you felt safe here and especially around him. Things just weren’t looking good, with Voldemort back there was just no escape and you were concerned for your safety. How would it look for Severus to still be living with someone who gave up names of death eaters at a public trial and wasn’t even supporting the cause anymore. You knew that it was going to be soon that you would have to leave again, there wasn’t any question about it. If you wanted to live and not put other in danger, you would have to leave again. 

Once you were back at school something had changed and you knew it was time to get out, but you weren’t sure how or when. You would feel terrible leaving Sprout by herself after you had taken on so much of the workload over the years but you felt like you were putting everyone in harm's way by just being at Hogwarts. This is what you feared coming to Hogwarts 10 years ago, that no matter where you went you would never be safe. You felt panicky and you knew at least Dumbledore could sense it in you, Severus knew but thought it was just a reaction from trauma and that you wouldn’t act on it. Though you were on the edge of being willing to just leave the country and start over somewhere else.

Dumbledore called you into his office when Umbridge started being a controlling bitch more so than previously. At the Gargoyle you felt a wave of nervousness hit you that hadn’t been there in decades. Up the stairs and pushing through the door you were greeted with Dumbledore tending to his phoenix. 

“Albus-”

“You know that our time at Hogwarts is coming to a close.”

“I can’t just keep running.”

“You think you’re running to protect them, but it’s really only for you.”

“Severus can handle himself-”

“Do you think it would look good to Voldemort if he knew you ran away when he came back?”

“I’m going to die either way aren’t I?”

“All of us are.”

“I don’t want to die like this, I mean… “ You paused, biting your bottom lip momentarily “Do I save anyone if I do it myself?”

Dumbledore looked to you for the first time this meeting. “Do you really want to be remembered for that? After all you’ve done.”

“What else am I supposed to do? Sit around and let life take its course. I can’t join the order and I cannot be anywhere near the death eaters. I still owe Tom.”

“A lot of people owe their current lives to Tom but that doesn’t mean you can’t make a difference.”

“What do I do then Albus?”

“Stay, teach, these students will need more than what they’re getting out of some of our classes. Teaching them will save them and hopefully help you.”

You were frustrated because how in the world were you just supposed to teach while everyday your life was being cut in half. “What about Severus? I can’t leave him or the vow will kill me.”

“Then don’t.”

“It’s not that simple, I know there are things between the two of you that I will never know and I’m okay with that, but there are things he just can’t do or it will kill one of us. I know you need him to finish what’s been started but please consider that.”

“I have and it will work out in the end.”

You heard bells and you knew you needed to go, “I have a class to teach, please let me know if you need to speak with me again.” You left and attempted to teach class per usual but you couldn’t and took more house points than you expected. 

At dinner Minerva who already knew the tensions were mounting had to ask why you had taken so many house points in a single day, you told her they had pushed your limits. Unsatisfied with the answer Minerva just decided to take it, everyone was stressed and some house points weren’t something to argue over especially because you had taken the most from Slytherin. 

Your sour mood did not fade like you assumed it had and it affected everything. You weren’t sleeping with Severus at night, you weren’t sleeping at all, you started taking house points, and you just stopped doing anything. It felt like you couldn’t breath at Hogwarts and every time you could leave you did but you still felt like you were being strangled. You taught and you went into seclusion, eventually taking to just eating at Dinner. Severus noticed and subtly tried to help but was generally avoiding the conversation that would come with confronting the issue at hand. The students also took notice which turned their favor against you although they also had Umbridge to worry about, surprisingly Umbridge left you alone for the most part. After seeing you teach a few classes and destroy a Ravenclaw who gave you attitude about working with a particular species of Mandrake, she just left you alone. 

It took a while for you to realize that for this to end you were going to have to die at some point in the near future. There just didn’t seem like another way for Severus to do whatever thing he needed to do to finish what Dumbledore had planned for him. As long as Severus was tied to you by an unbreakable vow you knew he couldn’t commit to the cause and if he couldn’t do that then the next war might be lost. You knew Severus couldn’t do it, or even know it was going to happen so you needed to just be prepared.

You finished the school year feeling numb, it was all crashing down and you couldn’t even have a conversation with Severus about it. You spent the entirety of the summer in bed or at gardens in London by yourself, you felt physically ill. Severus didn’t ask about it, you knew why but it still hurt.

You went to an Order meeting, though it was more of a dinner situation with some of the inner members of the Order which confused you to why you were invited. You didn’t tell Severus where you were going though he had stopped telling you the same thing, it was for the best at this point. You hadn’t realized how old you’d started to look, eyes sinking and wrinkles littering your face, it didn’t help your mood. 

Arriving at the Grimmauld place in London you had forgotten that Sirius was dead though you didn’t really feel terribly sad about it at the moment. Ron answered the door and brought you inside, though he seemed hesitant after you had changed so drastically over the past year which you could understand. You were greeted with hugs from Molly and Remus, sitting at the table you just sat and slowly drank avoiding eating as you had for the last few months.

“What about you F/N?” Arthur said

“I’m sorry what?” You shook your head to get back to reality and looked to Arthur. 

“What do you think about Lucius going to Azkaban?”

You gave a nervous laugh, “You know I’m not surprised but he protected me from Abraxas when I was living there. I think I’m just glad Draco is okay.”

Harry, who you totally forgot was here, gave a look to the last statement “Why would you care about Draco?”

“Isn’t he technically my nephew? Plus after how Abraxas treated Lucius and I, it’s just nice that not everyone in that family doesn’t have to suffer…. much.”

“F/N” Remus said softly but you brushed him off.

“Lucius got what was coming to him for being a death eater but it doesn’t mean I can’t feel bad for him or his family.”

“He tried to kill us!” Harry interject.

You sucked your teeth, “Lucius is one of the few people I don’t have nightmares about, Sirius isn’t even on that list.”

Harry’s face twisted and Remus grabbed your arm, “Now is not the time to bring that up.”

“So we are just going to ignore the fact that James and Sirius didn’t terrorize me-”

Remus stood up and pulled you out of the room much to the surprise of the table. He pulled you to the living room and shut the doors behind him quickly. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

You pulled away from him and sat down on the arm of the couch, “Absolutely nothing.”

“This plus becoming literally another Snape at school?! Are you sick?”

You paused, you couldn’t answer him like you wanted to. “It’s just a lot-”

“It’s been a lot for all of us!”

“You know what I mean Remus, it’s not as simple for me.”

“You always say that!” Neither of you at this point knew you had 3 eavesdroppers outside the door.

“Remus please.” You attempted to keep yourself calm. “I’m really not in a position to be doing this with you right now, honestly I don’t even know why I came.”

“Because we are your friends and we all needed this.”

“Do I look like someone who just has friends?!” You were exasperated and hot tears were spilling, “I mean my husband is a fucking death eater and what can I do other than be a bitch to students.” The three eavesdroppers looked at each other quickly, was Snape really a death eater but wasn’t he on Dumbledore's side.

“You’re not a bitch.” Remus stepped closer to you, he was confused why you of all people were acting like this.

“Thank fuck I never had kids right?” You laughed nervously, wiping away tears quickly “I don’t want to make another kid have to live past this without parents.”

His face twisted like he got it but he didn’t actually seem to get it. He hesitated, seemingly conflicted about what he was going to ask but went ahead. “Have you been called on by Voldemort yet?” This is when the three eavesdroppers knew they were about to hear more than they bargained for. 

“No” You shook your head. “Severus has but I don’t have the dark mark so I’m not exactly obligated.”

“If he calls on you, will you go or run?”

“I have to go as much as I want to run again, I can’t.”

“You’d be safer.”

“They’d kill Severus and that’s more important.”

“Won’t they just kill you?”

“I don’t know Remus” You stood up and started to pace in front of him. “Voldemort treated me well for over a decade and then I dipped when things got rough. I owe him my life as well however much that’s worth at this point. I don’t think they would kill me or even touch me because even Umbridge didn’t touch me but got Severus suspended.” You took a deep breath before making eye contact with him. “I think that if it comes down to it Voldemort would kill me himself.”

Remus nodded, attempting to absorb that information. You had calmed down and stopped crying at that point as well. “Do you think that will be soon?”

“Within the next year or two. I mean my only priority is to teach those kids how to survive but it’s ironic that I can’t even do that.” You were starting to use humor to deflect from the reality of the things you were saying.

He pulled you into a hug that said a lot of things that couldn’t be said out loud. It lasted a minute before he pulled away “Are you good to go back now?”

You nodded and the two of you went back to the kitchen table, the girl from last time whose name you found out was Tonks was not terribly happy about how long the two of you were gone. By the time you both had sat down again, and three of the eavesdroppers were sitting back down as well. 

“Apologies, talking about Lucius brings up some really old feelings that I forget I have sometimes.”

“It’s hard times on all of us, I think we can all understand that.“ Arthur smiled at you briefly and changed the topic turning to Hermione to talk to her about her parents' muggle lifestyle. 

After a while, once the plates were gone and the conversation had died, you decided to leave for the night. 

“I apologize but I need to be going.” You stood up from your seat and pushed the chair back in, “but uh before I go” you turned to the twins “can I speak to both of you for a second?”

The boys nodded and got up, though everyone else was a little confused. It seemed like everything you did perplexed them. Going back to the living room you shut the doors after they walked in.

“I wanted to apologize for being a bitch this past year. So how much do you both need for the shop?”

They looked to each other a little bewildered.

“We have a thousand galleons from Harry”  
“So another thousand to keep us secure.”

“Consider it doubled.”

Their eyes brightened and smiles widened.

“What do you want in return?”  
“Snape’s always got a catch.”

“Nothing, I just want you both to succeed past all of this. Also don’t tell Ron this but you were always my favorite Weasleys even if you almost gave my husband a heart attack for 7 years straight.”

“I think he may have deserved one.”  
“For having a boot so far up his ass all the time.”

“I’m going to ignore that and leave now.” Your hand went for the doorknob.

“Thank you by the way.”  
“You were always our favorite.”

You smiled before leaving and slipping out the front door before apparating home. You’d rather not talk to anyone about giving two teenagers a ridiculous sum of money for a joke shop, though you felt weird trust in those boys. They’d go far with the right resources and if you could help, you wouldn’t you.

You did end up telling Severus about your donation to the twins a few days before classes started where you expected him to be mad but he wasn’t. It certainly seemed like he wanted to be mad at you but couldn’t for some reason, you wondered what he was hiding. It took your entire being to swallow it and just leave the situation alone, if it didn’t kill either of you immediately it wasn’t your problem.

You knew people would kind out but you didn’t realize the entire castle would know by the second day of classes, you had an idea of which one of those kids did it but you weren’t allowed to smack him. Disappointing but there was one kid making a fuss about it that you technically were allowed to smack.

“How dare she betray us good purebloods in favor of those muggle loving Weasleys, its like-” 

You had walked into your class a few minutes late as you had to run across the shool to grab the right books when you heard Draco Malfoy complaining about you. The group he was with had their backs turned to you but the Gryffindors were facing you, though they didn’t indicate to the group that you had just entered the room. It took your entire being to not through the book you had at his head but instead smack the back of his head with some papers instead. The group of Slytherins turned around and so did Draco after a second of whimpering.

“30 points from Slytherin, you don’t talk badly about teachers especially in their own classrooms. Oh and detention for the participants but not with me, with Snape.”

“I’m going to tell my father about this.” Draco stammered out, looking like a hurt puppy.

“What’s your father going to do from Azkaban?” You said coldly and with no reply to that you started class.

You finally settled into a good routine that didn’t stress you out, you were back to your old self mostly though you have very limited patience for bullshit. After a few weeks you decided to start practicing occulemeny, first reading and then gathering the courage to ask Severus to help you learn because he was the only one you knew who was an expert. He reluctantly agreed, not asking the reason why but you assumed he just knew. Your relationship had never been the best but it felt like it was crumbling at this point.

At the first lesson in his office it was terribly late after a full day of classes, you were tired but it was the only way to do it.

“Prepare your mind.”

You took a deep breath and heard him say “Legimens”, despite your best effort he was able to get inside. He saw the night you found out about the Potters, the trial, abraxas stomping on you, and you in Remus's office crying though no what you said. He left your mind and you collapsed in your chair, he was upset.

“You have to close your mind, you cannot let me inside.” He huffed as you sat back up again.

“I’m trying. Just lets do it again.” You said quietly, you just wanted to keep going and you didn’t need a lecture.

Severus pointed his wand at you and you didn’t even hear him say the word before he was in your mind. The only thing he was able to see was you with Dumbledore before you were able to shut him out of your mind. You were thrilled that you had done it but Severus still seemed upset with you. He came closer to you and you flinched, something you had never done with him since you had built trust with others again. He looked at you but didn’t change his attitude.

“Keep your mind closed, any weakness is something to exploit.” You nodded and he tried again.

Though he got nothing, absolutely nothing, which was terribly surprising. How could you have made that progress so quickly with no other instruction. He stepped back and looked at you, before attempting to catch you off guard though he wasn’t able to get anywhere again. 

You stood up and he came towards you again, you flinched again. “I’m done for the night.” He attempted to grab your arm but you were able to avoid his grip, his look was something you hadn’t experienced towards you before. You left without any words, you didn’t need to deal with him anymore tonight. You ended up falling asleep before Severus came back to your rooms, though you got up before he did. 

Things seemed to calm down after the first lesson, you continued to practice with Severus every couple of days but there was much less said between the two of you. There were no major events at least involving you, until Slughorn invited you to his Christmas party, though the invitation implied you could bring Severus though you didn’t care. You told Severus about the party but he declined, saying he would be too busy that weekend to go which could mean many things. The night of the party, Severus had been reading in a chair by the fire while you had been getting ready. As you were putting on your heels you leaned over to kiss him of which he happily took the opportunity to grope you as well.

“Tonight when I come back you can show me what you think of this dress but I need it took stay looking nice until I’m back.”

“If I catch you in the bathroom again-”

“Sev that was 20 years ago and we were not dating, so hush.”

His hand slid up to your neck, “You’re mine.”

You were a little confused on why he was saying things now, you were going to essentially chaperone a party for Slughorn. You had been with him for nearly 20 years at this point so why would he bring up that incident that happened before you two had started a real relationship. “Of course I am but I need to go.” He pulled you down to kiss you again before letting you go.

That interaction frazzled you a bit but you left and made it to Slughorn's party which was not what you were expecting, he had a few other teachers there and other people you didn’t exactly recognize. Choosing Sybill over the vampire you started drinking, it seemed as if it would be a long night. Sybill was upset about having to share teaching divination which was ironic that she was complaining to you as you yourself had squeezed into Sprouts job nearly a decade earlier though you didn’t bring this up. Then Slughorn came and pulled you over to his group, Worple and Sanguini, whom you hadn’t been introduced to yet. As Slughorn dribbled on for a bit you felt a hand slide behind your back and pull you close. You almost started throwing punches when you saw it was Severus who you were terribly surprised to see.

“Severus! I’m pleased you could make it. So yes! Eldred, Sanguini this is Professor Severus Snape and Professor F/N L/N.” 

You shook both of their hands but Severus did not but that was just him. “Pleasure to meet both of you, Eldred I haven’t been able to read your latest work yet but it’s in my pile.” 

Eldred Worple smiled, “Are you the same F/N that published the Bubotuber paper a few months ago?”

“Yes, my married name is Snape so I publish under that but I go by my maiden name here so there’s no confusion among students.” You felt Severus’s fingers dig into your back. 

“Sometimes I forget you two a married!” Slughorn laughed.

“Horace, we’ve been together so long we were students of yours when we got together.” You reminded him but you were just surprised this was still a topic of conversation. 

Slughorn moved the conversation along, “Severus, you didn’t tell me that Harry Potter was so exceptionally skilled at potions.”

Severus pressed his fingers in further before removing his hand from your back. “I wouldn’t say he is worthy of such praise.” His voice was pressed for emotion, not seeming to trust Slughorn after that statement. You quickly finished your drink and grabbed another one.

The conversation continued, you felt Sanguini’s eyes on you though you didn’t think Severus noticed. Then there was commotion behind you, Flich was dragging Draco by the collar, Severus turned sharply around.

“I caught him sneaking around, he says he was invited-”

“No worries, Draco can stay.”

Severus grabbed Draco by the arm and pulled him out of the party which concerned you slightly but you mostly brushed it off. You stepped away as Slughorn started talking to someone else, going to stand up against the wall to wait for Severus to either come back or for the party to end. You finished another drink before Sanguini came over to you silently.

“Tell me Sanguini, do you ever feel tired of being in someone’s collection?”

“I think that depends on whose collection it is.”

“I would agree.”

You took a sip and he stepped closer to you, at least more than you were comfortable with. You didn’t move though, you weren’t intimidated and hoping someone else would come grab you instead. 

“Do you need something?” You asked him politely but he only got closer.

He was about to speak when Harry Potter of all people came up to you, asking you to help him with something. 

Harry pulled you to an empty corner of the room. “Where is Dumbledore traveling to?”

You paused, “I don’t know where, I’m sorry Mr Potter.”

Harry’s face twitched like he didn’t believe you. “Then what does Draco have planned?”

“Mr. Potter whatever you think you know about me or what I know is false, go rejoin your date before Sanguini corners her too.” You were screaming on the inside, what the hell was he asking about and what did he know. He looked at you before walking away before you decided it was time for you to leave. 

In the corridor you were alone and you felt like you could breath, after thinking about trying to find Severus you just decided to go back to the room. You were most of the way back when you heard Severus walking up behind you, it was the billowing of his robes that made you automatically know it was him. You didn’t slow but he caught up with you quickly though by then you were at the door. Severus opened the door and once you two were inside, stared at you for a second.

“Get undressed.”

Both of you were planning on staying at Hogwarts over the break but decided to go back to Spinners End when the room felt like a prison cell. It felt better to be in a house and both of you were much kinder to each other, you were finally waking up in his arms again which was much desired. 

A few days after Christmas there was a knock at the door which was a surprise since no one came around without prior notice. Severus went to the door and you stayed on the couch, you heard a voice you really didn’t want to hear. Bellatrix Lestrange. You hesitated but got up, you were in lounge clothes so you felt underdressed, you put a hand on Severus’s arm as you appeared in the doorway,

“Bella!” You looked from her to Severus and back. “What do we owe the pleasure?” You had interrupted their exchange but that was the point, she looked surprised to see you like you were a ghost. 

“You two have been requested” Her voice seemed more manic than before “to meet with the Dark Lord alone.” She seemed way more off than the last time you saw her though that had been at Severus’s initiation so many years ago. She stared at you with hate that you couldn’t even comprehend.

“When should we be ready?” You asked mildly like you were going to go meet an old friend for coffee.

“Now.” Her tone of voice was harsh. You looked to Severus who nodded.

“Let me get changed and I’ll be ready.” You said quickly before heading upstairs, your heart felt like it might beat out of your chest. You heard the door shut and Bellatrix’s voice go into the living room, you were displeased at her presence but had to do it. 

Digging through your closet you found an appropriate black dress and a coat, it almost felt like you were getting dressed for your funeral but you hoped it wasn’t today. After putting your hair up, you came back downstairs hearing Bella complaining of your existence though it was cut short when your footsteps were heard. You were nervous but also confident, you were prepared for this interaction no matter how it ended. 

Bella had a port key for some reason so the three of you held onto it, transporting you to a house you didn’t recognize and Severus didn’t seem to either. Wiping your mind before following Bella into the house wordlessly, up some oddly twisting stairs up to a door where she knocked. You could hear a snake which concerned you greatly but you kept your cool as you entered in behind her.

“Severus, F/N, come sit.” Voldemort was at a round dining table, the pair of you sat down while Bellatrix stood near the now shut door. “Do you know why I brought you here today?”

“No my lord.” You both said in unison which seemed to please Voldemort.

“I have come across a predicament” Voldemort stood up and started to circle the table, you could see Nagini curled up behind his chair now. “You see Severus is my most loyal follower yet none of my other followers trust him.”

“Because of that bitch!” Bellatrix cried out and Voldemort put out a hand to stop her.

“Hush now Bella, we mustn’t treat our most favored guests this way.” Voldemort stopped in front of the two of you again. “I haven’t seen my favorite child in a very long time.” You smiled politely and felt him attempt to penetrate your mind but completely wall it off. “How have you been F/N?”

You let the question settle before responding, “I have been well, I think I have been able to gain everyone’s trust very easily.”

“Mmm, just like we taught you. Including Dumbledore’s?”

“Fully.” No hesitation, no deviation, just answers and the right ones.

Voldemort circled the table again, “What do you have to say to those you think you betrayed us?”

“My lord the people I named were those who tortured me before I was married, they were the real traitors.”

Voldemort rested his hands on your shoulders and you continued to breathe normally keeping yourself as collected as possible. “What about when you left the country for so many years?”

“I left the country because I thought my husband was still in love with that filthy mudblood Lily Potter, I couldn’t be associated with that.” You knew that was gonna not be a pleasant hit to Severus but right you were attempting to save yourself. He left your shoulders and went back to his seat.

“F/N did you ever tell Severus why I favor you above all others?”

“No my lord.”

“When you came to me after Dolohov killed your parents, you were so faithful with no complaints from day one. Such a young girl who endlessly believed in the cause and gave everything for it.” He sighed seemingly pleased, you weren’t sure where he was taking this. “You never ask about any of the things we took from you, even Bella couldn’t do that. Do you even know when your birthday is?”

“No my lord” He laughed.

“You have been loyal your entire life, more than Lucius or any or his family. I don’t have to test you or Severus, that’s why I wanted you with him.” Toying with his wand he continued. “You two will be the ones that help me this war and you will be rewarded for the work you’ve done soon.”

There was a pause when neither you or Severus responded. 

“Should I show Severus what you sacrificed?” You didn’t even know what he was going to show Severus but you didn’t have a choice. 

“Yes my lord.”

Then it was like he was forcing memories into Severus’s head which you did not think was the thing he was going to do. Severus was obviously uncomfortable but did his best to stay calm until it was over. Voldemort’s face had a terribly twisted grin on that and you heard the excited squeals of Bellatrix behind you both. After a minute hand passed, Voldemort set down his wand and looked at you. “You will be useful to me soon. Do not worry my child, you are still protected.”

You nodded and looked over to Severus for the first time who seemed unphased so you looked back to Voldemort. 

The first thing you did when you got back to the house was throw up in the sink. You collapsed onto the floor and Severus came over to you, reaching out his hand to you to help you back up. Leaning against the counter you just shared a long stare before you spoke.

“What did you see?”

Severus shook his head “The things they did to you… I’m glad they wiped it from your memory.”

You frowned, “We’re fucked right? This isn’t going to end well for either of us.”

“If we do what we need to, we will be fine.”

“Severus-” You cut yourself off you couldn’t go through with that statement. “I love you but if we aren’t going to make it out of this then what are we doing?”

Severus pulled you into a terribly tight hug. “It’s just what we have to do, we are obligated to make sure the ending is right.”

You wanted to respond but couldn’t find the courage to say what you wanted to the most.


End file.
